Chapel+Mandy+Rabbit Vibe=Hot Pornography

-Old business first...

So, I was supposed to answer the New Avenger question from last week, right? My answer is, yes, sure. I do think the New Avengers is about "What It Means To Truly Be A Hero". There. See I thought about it.

-This week's movie?

This week's video is the super cute Chapel Waste and me. It's a real shame she lives so far away. :(

-What are you doing tonight?

Tonight I am going to Satine Phoenix's birthday party. I'm pretty excited about that, because Satine is lots of fun.

-Anything else?

On Tuesday I'm going to the release party for Kimberly Kane's new movie Morphine. Go check out Morphine because everything Kimberly Kane touches is ultra sexy and nasty and artistic.

-Now, a certain kid of reader is bound to be a little skeptical when a porn girl says something is "sexy and nasty and artistic"...

So what? They either go watch it or they don't. What the fuck do I care? Anyway I live with a verifiably successful contemporary artist and I make porn if you're going to listen to anyone who says something is artistic and nasty it may as well be me.

-Ok, what are you doing now?

Right now I've got some tasty Chinese food.

Also the Oscar the Grouch song "I Love Trash" is playing on youtube on Zak's computer and I now think that it's one of the best songs ever. I think it must be one of our theme songs. Old Sesame Street was doing a way better job teaching kids morals than most kid's t.v shows do today. And not just morals, vocabulary: "Wow Oscar, that was a great song about trash, a sanitation serenade!" 1969.....damn. And I used to work with special needs and medically fragile kids in schools and in foster homes so I had to watch my fair share of children's television. It's nearly utterly void of any practical, academic, or moral lessons you might actually want your children to learn.

"Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash

I have here a sneaker that's tattered and worn
It's all full of holes and the laces are torn
A gift from my mother the day I was born
I love it because it's trash

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash

I have here some newspaper thirteen months old
I wrapped fish inside it; it's smelly and cold
But I wouldn't trade it for a big pot o' gold!
I love it because it's trash

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash

I've a clock that won't work
And an old telephone
A broken umbrella, a rusty trombone
And I am delighted to call them my own!
I love them because they're trash

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love, I love, I love trash!"

Wouldn't trade it for a big pot of gold...you see because it has other, more important values. Get it?? Kids used to get it. Do you?

Ah whatever, I've been reading too much of this book. "Between Existentialism and Marxism" by J.P Sartre. It makes me feel better. It has since I was 16. That's why I have a Sartre quote tattooed on the back my neck.


-"Suffering is justified as soon as it becomes the raw material of beauty". While that may be true of, say, tattoo-suffering, would you say that is really true of all suffering?

I think it's true when it comes to me, and all the kinds of suffering I've endured. I very often am very seriously ill, and I have issues with chronic pain. Which yeah, sure it sucks a lot, but over all I feel as though me having to experience that my whole life has had only positive results. I am constantly reminded how very mortal I am and that puts one in a position to really asses one's situation and values accurately. This quote isn't just about physical beauty, like tattoos. It may not be true for everyone. It may not be true in respect to say, victims of war or natural disasters.

-Ok. Hey--I've heard you smell good, not bad--are you worried Oscar the Grouch wouldn't like you?

Nah, not really. My house is full if stuff he would love. Plus I look pretty trashy so I think he would like me.


-Why do you think you look trashy?

I have a messy mohawk and tattoos. I don't wear nice clothes. I mean I almost never buy any new clothes. I still own clothes I got at the Salvation Army when I was 17. My nail polish is often chipped and I hate trimming my nails so they're always too long and kind of gross. (I mean I like 'em....I've never had a manicure in my life.) I'm pale because I don't spend much time outside in the sun, which makes me look unhealthy to some. Who've said so. Uh...what else? Isn't that trashy?


-Well I feel like the word's confusing, I mean, "trashy" implies some moral failure doesn't it? A girl can wear expensive clothes and still seem very "trashy". I mean, everyone knows Paris Hilton is trashy.

Yeah, but she doesn't LOOK trashy in the most commonly used sense. I think gold looks awful and tacky and so "trashy" to me. But most people wouldn't agree with me. I look trashy to some people even though my personality may not be, while Paris Hilton might look posh, while her personality may be totally trashy. It's really a question of people's tastes and perceptions.


-Oh but that's so vague. I think "trashy" means something about you suggests you don't care about important and elevated things. Like celebrities are "trashy" when they get drunk and fuck random strangers instead of give their money to breast cancer research and normal people are "trashy" when they talk about celebrities all day.

Well yeah that's true, but also it's a word that's often used to describe style in a visual sense. There's more than one kind of "trashy". The model's in Bob Coulter's photos often look totally trashy but it's absolutely beautiful. Or photos of super urban areas, with actual trash and graffiti everywhere, some of those photos are amazing. Images that obviously imply a lack of care about certain things (like Bob's models who's sexual values might seem questionable to some) that lots of people think are important and elevated. So is that still "trashy"? You'd have to have a definitive explanation of what "important and elevated things" are.


-I think Bob's photos are trashy--in a good way. They're not trash. I think "trashy" has to do not only with being rich or poor, but with having or not having the set of values that rich people use to justify being rich. Like Princess Di was "classy" and "sophisticated" which allegedly meant it was ok that she was rich--whereas Paris Hilton is "trashy" and so people aren't ok with her being rich and they hate her and if she died in a car crash most people would be happy. Bob's photos don't show any interest in the aesthetics rich people use to elevate themselves above poor people--his photos are not "clean" or "elegant" or "subtle"--so they're trashy.

Yeah I guess I always thought "trashy" was more about an implied sense of cheapness/ignorance of morals AND/OR aesthetics. Having a set of values you make public in some way simply to justify being rich, or to alleviate the guilt associated with being rich is kind of trashy too.


-Or "stupid" at least. What color are your socks?

They are green and have stripes. What colour are yours?


-I'm not wearing socks. Anyway, did you see "Iron Man"?

I did. With Satine. It was great! Better than all the other comic book movies they've tried to make. They didn't actually ruin this one, I'm not even a huge Iron Man fan, but I love it. I hope they manage to continue not-ruining comic book movies.


-Is Tony Stark trashy?

He had some trashy and superficial moments for sure. But he did do the whole hero-mind-set-turn-around thing so it's hard to judge him now. Should have asked me this question before he turned into Iron Man.


-I liked him better before he fell in love with his loser secretary.

Well, yeah. But that could have been so much worse than it was. The movie would have been even better without Pepper Potts. When will they learn the leave out the unrealistic and childish romantic sub-plots in these films?


-They will not learn it.

Then most movies will suck forever and ever.

Mandy and Zak Fuck

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Mandy and Chapel Eat Each Other's Pussies.

-So, I hear you starred in a feature for Vivid Alt this week...

Yup. Benny Profane's new movie.

-What's it called?

I think it's supposed to be called "Hospital".

-So what's it about? A post office?

Yeah a fucked up post office. With nurses and mind reading devices. And naked people.

-How were the donuts at the craft-service table?

They were very tasty.

-I assume you'll tell us more about it when it actually comes out--what did you do last night?

Yeah, more information will be made available when it's more relevant, like when you can actually see it. Last night I went to a photography show opening at a tiny little gallery in Echo Park called Hamburger Eyes with Kimberly Kane, her friend who's work was in the show, Zak Sabbath and we ran into Eon McKai there too. The show was great.
Then we had diner and Zak and I went to see the Tomorrow Show. Which is a comedy show put on every Saturday by the the guys who did Home Movies (one of the funniest cartoons ever) and Metallocalypse. I accidentally heckled the last act too, which makes me feel a little bad. Oh well.

-Is making porn like that cartoon "Home Movies"?

It is sometimes, definitely.

-What kind of photos is "Hamburger Eyes"?

They were black and white and gritty, kind of like Daido Moriyama's stuff. (Kind of.)

-How come you know about so much stuff? Why aren't you dumber?

I'm just unlucky that way I suppose. Although I do have some pretty awesome friends I might not have if I were dumber.

-Like that monster?

Yeah, like the monster....

-Ok--let's say I was walking around and saw you on the street and I had done all this masturbating to your butt--should I just ignore you and then tell all my friends I saw you and you had a plastic bag with bread in it or should I say Hi?

You should come say hi, unless you're a creep who will try to molest me or something. But if all you want to do is say hi or something equally innocent then yeah, you're welcome to.

-So if I go "Ummm...hey, are you Mandy Morbid?" you won't hit me with your purse?

No. I might get a bit shy and wary of what you'll do or say next but I won't hit you with my purse or scream and run away.

-If I offer you some candy will you take it?

Nope. Oh, and have the good sense to not come talk to me if I'm with people who look like they could be parents or aunts and uncles. Like old people in normal clothes. Stay away from me then or I will hate you forever.

-Ah, good point. So, Chapel has big stripey socks--is that like an alt-porn thing, stripey socks?

Oh, yeah, stripy socks and alt-porn. That is a thing I guess.

-It seems like when they've got a sort of "normal" girl in alt-porn, they give her pigtails and legwarmers. Is that how you can tell the truly alt porn from the faux-alt? Stripey socks vs. legwarmers?

I don't know, I wear leg warmers even though I don't have enough hair for pigtails anymore. It doesn't matter. Stripy socks and leg warmers are cool and that's all.

-ok.

Mandy gets Tit-Fucked and Also Fucked.

-So, before we start, I think we should give a shout out to Kevin Fetus, right?

Totally! All of the music you hear on my site he's created or helped create.


-Including that spooky tentacle music?

Yup I think his stuff is in there too. Kevin is an amazing musician and you should all check out his stuff. He's got a myspace page.


-I think I heard some Cephalic Carnage on some of the vids...

Yeah, Kevin did some remixes for them.


-So, what happened to the archives?

There were some technical issues and so we decided to remove them for awhile. Eventually I want to get a very few favorite videos back up along with the tentacle monster video that's in the new archive page that's up as of today. But I don't know when the foot fucking vid will be back, or the Sasha vid. Patience people.


-So, it looks like you're back to having sex with humans. No more tentacle-rape?

There will be lots and lots more tentacle rape with more girls. But we need to re-build the monster better first and get all organized and stuff.


-So the next monster video will be more advanced?

That's the plan. The first one was the beta version, or the pilot. Now we've figured some stuff out, about how to make it look better, get more actual tentacle footage, there's some stuff I want to fix/try out with the lighting, etc.


-And sluts?

Of course.


-I hear you had a rough time on set this week...

I did. I had an sudden asthma attack on a porno set and had to cancel my scene. That was Tuesday morning, I am still recovering and stuck in bed most of the day. When I try to get up all I do is cough violently and get dizzy. It sucks and I was pretty pissed off because I really wanted to work that day. People were smoking on set on the first day of shooting. On the other hand the director got me an awesome fancy cake.


-Who were you shooting with?

I worked with Alektra Blue that first day and she was awesome. Friendly and so so hot. She liked my boobs and really knows what she's doing when she fucks your asshole with a dildo.


-Better than a monster?

Well the monster didn't go anywhere near my asshole. We will have to remedy that in one of the future monster movies.


-Is that Alektra scene going up on here?

No. That was for a feature. An Adam and Eve movie.


-When you say stuff like out how you like Alektra, do you think people believe you or do you think they all think it's a front and really you're just pretending to like it and you're actually just all liars?

I don't really care what people think when it comes to things like that. If they aren't going to believe us sometimes, why do they bother asking?


-Good point. What did you do last weekend?

I went to Murderfest at the Knitting Factory with some SuicideGirl friends and saw Converge and Watch Me Burn and some other good bands. (Kevin Fetus is in Watch Me Burn with Sawa Suicide.) I feel asleep on the last day when Today's The Day was playing, so I didn't enjoy it that to it's full potential. And I was way too exhausted to stay for Napalm Death which is a bit of a bummer. But it was great anyway.


-Did anyone get murdered?

Not that I am aware of.


-Been reading much?

Yeah, I read a lot. I'm reading Money by Martin Amis and it's great. And I also started Rabbit, Run by John Updike. I like the depressing descriptions of the cities and towns so far, but I'm not sure I'll get real interested in the plot.


-"Money" is about like crazy people making movies and sluts, right?

Yup. It's also very eloquent.


-Is making porno movies like that book?

Uh, a little yeah. Lots of chaos, irresponsibility, and disorganization. But usually everyone survives in the end.


-Is the Mandy Morbid dot com staff disorganized?

I am sometimes, not that often. Who isn't sometimes?


-Irresponsible?

Not on purpose. I try real hard not be. I think with MandyMorbid.com I'm doing ok.


-Is the tentacle monster irresponsible or disorganized?

He's totally disorganized at the moment, he's in pieces.


-So, like, does he show up on the set all coked up in his convertible with his sungasses hanging off two hours late and not knowing his dialogue and like grabbing the cameragirl's ass with his tentacles?

Not quite. He's just unpredictable. Not unlike myself. If you fuck him too hard his tentacles fall off.


-Is he all "Oh, sorry honey, I'm gonna fix that up! Let me just...awww,yeah, you know? You got pretty eyes?" and then he sticks it back on?

Well, during the scene, you know he gets into it and wants to just finish his scene. But since then he's been sulking on my porch in total disarray. He's moody.


-Actors, huh?

Yeah....

Mandy Vs. Crazy Tentacle Sex Monster

Live-Action DIY Tentacle Rape Porn is hereby a reality!

We built the monster ourselves and shot the footage in few hours. For a first try I think it looks great.

Special thanks to Benny Profane for helping us edit this one.
And Kimberly Kane and Ming for their help with the monster while we were shooting. They were excellent monster wranglers. Thank Zak Sabbath for directing/filming.

Just you all wait---the next one will be even better.

Mandy Morbid and Chapel Waste Had Fun And The Contest Winner Is...

-So who won your contest?

Dagon won for suggesting Tank Girl, which I had never seen before and fell in love with except for the part when they all sing and the kangaroo mutants were really stupid. But otherwise, it was great! Farson (and Benny) came in second for suggesting Primer, which was excellent.

-You've never seen Tank Girl?

Yeah, I'm a sorry excuse for a punk/goth girl.

-It's awful. I mean, the comic books are funny and stuff, but that movie is AWFUL.

Lori Petty is hot and entertaining. None of the other movies offered anything nearly as good to distract you from the poorly done sci-fi special effects and stupid dialogue. Besides, all my friends love it too, I had just never seen it. There must be some quality in it that appeals to young women of my generation that you just don't get.

-Ok, I don't get it. However, this "Dagon"--who, according to the internet, is a major northwest semitic god of agriculture also gets it--despite being born around 2500 years ago. Also, he should e-mail his address to you if he wants his prize. What do you think an ancient Ugaritic god wants with your panties?

The same thing the rest of you want with my panties? He won't get 'em unless he emails his address to me and if he wants a photo instead of panties, he should let me know in that email too.

--The only other thing I've ever heard about him saying is "I will have the kings of the Yaminites cooked on a fisherman's spit, and I will lay them before you."

Where does it say that? What is or what are the Yaminites?

--It says that "in a letter to King Zimri-Lim of Mari, 18th century BC, written by Itur-Asduu, an official in the court of Mari and governor of Nahur." according to Wikipedia. I assume Yaminittes are people from someplace called "Yamin"--extremely unlucky people.

Seems so.

-Some people say he's half-man half-fish...

Do they? How interesting...

-In "Lolita", Humbert says he had a pair of Lolita's underwear that he "stained with merman tears"--what do you think that's all about?

I think that's about Nabokov being poetic.

-Ok, so what's this week's movie all about?

Chapel came over to my house and we had sex.

-You make it sound so boring, but you make it look like lots of fun.

It was lots of fun. I'm just not feeling very articulate today.

-So did Chapel come over and she was all quiet and not saying anything and you too and then you were like Ok, now we have to have sex and then you did and then you were like, Hey this is fun?

Not exactly. But a little like that.

-She was in that movie "Porny Monster"--was she porny and/or a monster?

Oh. She was more porny.

-Of all the co-stars you've had sex with, which one was the most like a monster?

The monster. None of the girls were like monsters at all. Sometimes Zak makes monster noises, but not really when you're fucking him.

-You mean the tentacle monster?

Yeah. We shot it for the first time yesterday. Kimberly Kane, Ming and Zak and I all worked very hard.

-You worked hard to get fucked by a monster?

Yup.

-Did it jizz monster goo all over you?

Yes, it was disgusting. By the end of the shoot I was covered in goo and soaking wet and oily and had been spit on a fair bit too. Being violated by that monster really is a lot of work.

-T.A. wants to see you in that Princess Leia bikini--what do you think of that? What do you think of the idea of being in that bikini being violated by Jabba the Hutt?

Jabba is way more scary than my monster, but only because he's so much bigger I think.

I think the bikini is a great idea. But I don't know where to get one, especially one that fits.

-Do you have problem finding clothes that fit?

Yes. And so would you if you looked like me.

-So what would happen if you were captured by a Hutt? What would you wear?

It'd be the Hutt's problem. I wouldn't have to think about it.

-Ok. Read any good books lately?

No. Well, maybe. I read Martin Amis' new book, the one of essays about September 11th. I don't agree with a lot of what he writes about it, but it was still interesting.

-He seems to have been way more surprised than someone who'd lived through the 20th century should've been.

Exactly. And he overlooks some important factors when writing about the causes of the conflicts between America and the Middle East. He's very sentimental or emotional about the whole thing.

-Who is more girly: Chapel or Martin Amis?

Well Chapel is. But she seems like she'd be far more cynical about the things Martin was writing about in his new book I think.

-Alright. I think that's enough for everybody to have to think about for this week.

I agree.

Mandy Sucks Zak's Cock. There's Coloured Lights

-So you suck cock upside down in this one--what's that like?

It was alright except it felt like I was much closer to Zak's ass than I usually am. Can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

-I see...ummm...so have you finished watching all the movies for your contest?

I think I'm about halfway through them, some I haven't been able to find yet.

-So are you gonna announce the winner next week?

Yup!

-So what was the worst?

That's a really hard call. Like City of Lost Children had some really cool stuff in it, but didn't strike me as being really that sci-fi---it was more of a surreal fantasy movie for kids. Planet of the Apes is just silly and Charlton Heston is ugly---but it has the jungle girl, who I like. Event Horizon could have been really cool, but failed utterly to be interesting. No puzzles, no logic, no science, just lame horror "evil dimension" stuff and it was so trying to copy Aliens' style. The Abyss again had some things I like, but ruined it with totally silly looking aliens and a plot that's not especially believable--like no one noticed the crazy navy seal until it was waaaaay too late, and those characters were supposed to be specialists and whatnot. I guess I have pretty high standards.

-Did you like it in "Planet of the Apes" when they shoot water at Heston and he yells "It's a maaaadhouse" or maybe he says "maaaaan-hose"?

No. Not really. But both lines seem kinda random and unnecessary.

-So you didn't like "City of Lost Children"? Not even that bug-camera thing?

Didn't impress me. Other things in that movie were way better than that bug-camera. I liked it, a lot, just not as sci-fi.

-So I presume there will be no unnecessary random lines or plot-holes or "evil dimensions" in your upcoming Mandy-fucks-tentacle-monster live action movie?

Maybe there will be, actually I bet there will be. But I'm not aiming to create some sci-fi winning-contest masterpiece. I just want to see myself get fucked by tentacles. And have it look as cool as possible on a non-existent budget.

-So how's the monster look so far?

It looks amazing. It looks like a tentacle monster.

-Sweet. Is it AIM-tested?

You bet. And it'll be wearing condoms, so it's a safe sex monster.

-It sounds like a very considerate alien fuck fiend.

Indeed. But, my team created it especially for me, so I don't think it has a whole lot of free will when it comes to that sort of thing. You know, it's pre-programed. To suit all my tentacle fucking needs. It's Tentacle Monster Version 0.1 it may not be perfect.

-T-Rocc recommended "Battlestar Galactica"--what did you think of that?

Kind of a Star Wars rip-off sometimes. Bad costumes, cheesy Luke Skywalker acting. Terrible casino set. And that Starbuck character needs a good kick in the balls, for being such an idiot. Sorry....I feel bad for being so brutal, I'm not in a generous mood, not the best time to be doing movie reviews.

-Ok, well, what do you think of Joan Jett's version of "Crimson and Clover"?

I like it!

-2 part question: 1-Do you like that song "I Hate Myself For Loving You"? and (2)--If you sang a song called "I Hate Myself For Loving You" who or what would it be about?

1-Yes I like it, it's a great song. 2-There's no way I will ever answer a question like that on the internet. Or in any even remotely public setting. And I'm fairly certain I haven't ever hated myself for loving anyone.

-What about Boba Fett?

What about Boba Fett? Huh?

-I mean, how do you feel about loving Boba Fett?

I feel o.k about it.

-But he tried to kill Han Solo!

And Han tried to kill lots of people too, and aliens, they're all killing stuff in those movies, and I love most of them.

-How can you love someone and also the one who tried to kill them? Isn't that a conflict of love-interest or something?

My love for fictional characters doesn't follow any logical-real life restrictions. It's more admiration and awe of utter coolness than "love" I guess.

-What if Boba Fett got an AIM test and wanted to do a boy-girl with you, what would you say?

My rate would be really really high and he'd have to keep his armor on. ('least the first time...)

-I'm too busy imagining that to ask any more questions...

Yeah and of course I'd have to get a real hot space slut outfit for that scene too.

-Yeah, umm--you need to do that, seriously.

Yes I do.