New Post.

-So you won a beauty contest, I hear...

Yup. A black-eye beauty contest at Kimberly Kane's Morphine release party.


-Is it your first one?

Yes. I've never been in one before. I imagine they are less fun without the black eyes.


-The black eye in the pictures on-line looks pretty grisly--did anybody think it was real before or after the party?

No. No one thought it was real. Or they didn't say anything to me about it.


-I mean, if you see this girl walking down the street in hollywood with a black eye, you don't go "Hey, did your boyfriend punch you?"

Maybe you wouldn't yell that in Hollywood, but you probably would in Brooklyn. Which is one of the reasons I like living in L.A better. People don't yell at me when I leave the house.


-When do they yell at you?

Stupid things. Next question.


-Um...So these porn parties--do they degenerate immediately into orgies at the end of the night?

Never one that I've been to. But that would be nice huh?


-Yeah...what did you have for breakfast?

A toasted chicken club from Tim Hortons. It was wonderful.


-Isn't he the prime minister of Canada or something?

I think he might have been a hockey player but I'm not sure and could be totally wrong.


-But he gave you a club sandwich...?

No, he just has his name attached to a chain of coffee/doughnut/sandwich shops. Where I bought my sandwich, at the airport in Vancouver.


-Oh. Do they give you trouble at the airport--like at customs or security?

Of course they do. Look at me. I look like a bad person don't I? Heh, because drug dealers and child pornographers always try to look as obviously deviant as possible so no one at customs will notice them and search through all their stuff. And question their choice of reading material.


-What were you reading? The Wisdom of Abu-Musab Al-Zarqawi?

I had a Star Wars art book, a Return of the Jedi comic book from 1983, "The Consolation of Philosophy", "Brave New World", "Nineteen Eighty-Four", and "Foundations of the Metaphysics of Morals" with me.


-That's hot.

Thanks, I try.


-So which one did they give you static about?

The one with "Philosophy" in the title was commented on and also the comic from 1983 which is possibly an original. "You read this? Philosophy?.....Return of the Jedi huh? Is this a collectors item?" And what you say in response to that I suppose is, "Um, yeah." And then they flip through all the pages to make sure drugs are not hidden in between, because seriously who reads anymore these days, right?


-I hear sometimes people read when they're on drugs...

Wow, what a frightening and degenerate world we live in.


-It's ironic that he was suspicious of the Return of the Jedi comic but not "1984". Which I guess means he never read "1984". You gotta wonder what the appeal of a job in the state-security apparatus is to someone who hasn't read "1984"...

I think "1984" might be more common reading material than a comic book from 1983 with all the pages falling out. Also by the time he got to the books he had searched through everything else quite throughly including my actual medications and I think he knew he wasn't going to find anything incriminating. Maybe he was a Star Wars fan? But you do have a point. I bet they get good benefits though, working for the government, health insurance and stuff....maybe that's the appeal?


-Maybe he thinks "1984" is just a book about DuranDuran?

Heh. Maybe. I also got a giant Hello Kitty doll at the airport. It has a shiny pink dress and butterfly/fairy wings. It's pretty awesome.


-Can we watch you fuck it in a movie?

Uh....If the Sanrio people promise not to sue me.


-They make vibrators don't they? I mean, if you go look on-line for a video of a girl with a Hello Kitty vibrator and find one, then probably you can do it...

Oh, thats right, they make condoms too, don't they?! Maybe I will use it then. It could be hot.


-Hello Kitty seems so cute and easy-going about what she puts her face on that's it hard to grasp that Sanrio is this huge fucking zaibatsu megacorporation in a 1984-looking building somewhere that probably sues people every day...

True...well I'll be good to my giant Hello Kitty fairy princess doll and use it as a chair or pillow or something instead of making porn with her. At least until we get to know each other a bit better first.

Yeah, so the reason why I didn't update last weekend (if anyone even noticed) is because I was away visiting people I know who don't live in Los Angeles. And I'll be away next weekend too. But the site still updates so you still get a new video to watch.


-Oh, thanks, that was real responsible of you, I was totally just gonna go on blathering about Hello Kitty...

Indeed. Uh...what else? I can't think of anything and I've got to go clean my new nostril piercings and get some rest.

Chapel+Mandy+Rabbit Vibe=Hot Pornography

-Old business first...

So, I was supposed to answer the New Avenger question from last week, right? My answer is, yes, sure. I do think the New Avengers is about "What It Means To Truly Be A Hero". There. See I thought about it.

-This week's movie?

This week's video is the super cute Chapel Waste and me. It's a real shame she lives so far away. :(

-What are you doing tonight?

Tonight I am going to Satine Phoenix's birthday party. I'm pretty excited about that, because Satine is lots of fun.

-Anything else?

On Tuesday I'm going to the release party for Kimberly Kane's new movie Morphine. Go check out Morphine because everything Kimberly Kane touches is ultra sexy and nasty and artistic.

-Now, a certain kid of reader is bound to be a little skeptical when a porn girl says something is "sexy and nasty and artistic"...

So what? They either go watch it or they don't. What the fuck do I care? Anyway I live with a verifiably successful contemporary artist and I make porn if you're going to listen to anyone who says something is artistic and nasty it may as well be me.

-Ok, what are you doing now?

Right now I've got some tasty Chinese food.

Also the Oscar the Grouch song "I Love Trash" is playing on youtube on Zak's computer and I now think that it's one of the best songs ever. I think it must be one of our theme songs. Old Sesame Street was doing a way better job teaching kids morals than most kid's t.v shows do today. And not just morals, vocabulary: "Wow Oscar, that was a great song about trash, a sanitation serenade!" 1969.....damn. And I used to work with special needs and medically fragile kids in schools and in foster homes so I had to watch my fair share of children's television. It's nearly utterly void of any practical, academic, or moral lessons you might actually want your children to learn.

"Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash

I have here a sneaker that's tattered and worn
It's all full of holes and the laces are torn
A gift from my mother the day I was born
I love it because it's trash

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash

I have here some newspaper thirteen months old
I wrapped fish inside it; it's smelly and cold
But I wouldn't trade it for a big pot o' gold!
I love it because it's trash

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love trash

I've a clock that won't work
And an old telephone
A broken umbrella, a rusty trombone
And I am delighted to call them my own!
I love them because they're trash

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes, I love, I love, I love trash!"

Wouldn't trade it for a big pot of gold...you see because it has other, more important values. Get it?? Kids used to get it. Do you?

Ah whatever, I've been reading too much of this book. "Between Existentialism and Marxism" by J.P Sartre. It makes me feel better. It has since I was 16. That's why I have a Sartre quote tattooed on the back my neck.


-"Suffering is justified as soon as it becomes the raw material of beauty". While that may be true of, say, tattoo-suffering, would you say that is really true of all suffering?

I think it's true when it comes to me, and all the kinds of suffering I've endured. I very often am very seriously ill, and I have issues with chronic pain. Which yeah, sure it sucks a lot, but over all I feel as though me having to experience that my whole life has had only positive results. I am constantly reminded how very mortal I am and that puts one in a position to really asses one's situation and values accurately. This quote isn't just about physical beauty, like tattoos. It may not be true for everyone. It may not be true in respect to say, victims of war or natural disasters.

-Ok. Hey--I've heard you smell good, not bad--are you worried Oscar the Grouch wouldn't like you?

Nah, not really. My house is full if stuff he would love. Plus I look pretty trashy so I think he would like me.


-Why do you think you look trashy?

I have a messy mohawk and tattoos. I don't wear nice clothes. I mean I almost never buy any new clothes. I still own clothes I got at the Salvation Army when I was 17. My nail polish is often chipped and I hate trimming my nails so they're always too long and kind of gross. (I mean I like 'em....I've never had a manicure in my life.) I'm pale because I don't spend much time outside in the sun, which makes me look unhealthy to some. Who've said so. Uh...what else? Isn't that trashy?


-Well I feel like the word's confusing, I mean, "trashy" implies some moral failure doesn't it? A girl can wear expensive clothes and still seem very "trashy". I mean, everyone knows Paris Hilton is trashy.

Yeah, but she doesn't LOOK trashy in the most commonly used sense. I think gold looks awful and tacky and so "trashy" to me. But most people wouldn't agree with me. I look trashy to some people even though my personality may not be, while Paris Hilton might look posh, while her personality may be totally trashy. It's really a question of people's tastes and perceptions.


-Oh but that's so vague. I think "trashy" means something about you suggests you don't care about important and elevated things. Like celebrities are "trashy" when they get drunk and fuck random strangers instead of give their money to breast cancer research and normal people are "trashy" when they talk about celebrities all day.

Well yeah that's true, but also it's a word that's often used to describe style in a visual sense. There's more than one kind of "trashy". The model's in Bob Coulter's photos often look totally trashy but it's absolutely beautiful. Or photos of super urban areas, with actual trash and graffiti everywhere, some of those photos are amazing. Images that obviously imply a lack of care about certain things (like Bob's models who's sexual values might seem questionable to some) that lots of people think are important and elevated. So is that still "trashy"? You'd have to have a definitive explanation of what "important and elevated things" are.


-I think Bob's photos are trashy--in a good way. They're not trash. I think "trashy" has to do not only with being rich or poor, but with having or not having the set of values that rich people use to justify being rich. Like Princess Di was "classy" and "sophisticated" which allegedly meant it was ok that she was rich--whereas Paris Hilton is "trashy" and so people aren't ok with her being rich and they hate her and if she died in a car crash most people would be happy. Bob's photos don't show any interest in the aesthetics rich people use to elevate themselves above poor people--his photos are not "clean" or "elegant" or "subtle"--so they're trashy.

Yeah I guess I always thought "trashy" was more about an implied sense of cheapness/ignorance of morals AND/OR aesthetics. Having a set of values you make public in some way simply to justify being rich, or to alleviate the guilt associated with being rich is kind of trashy too.


-Or "stupid" at least. What color are your socks?

They are green and have stripes. What colour are yours?


-I'm not wearing socks. Anyway, did you see "Iron Man"?

I did. With Satine. It was great! Better than all the other comic book movies they've tried to make. They didn't actually ruin this one, I'm not even a huge Iron Man fan, but I love it. I hope they manage to continue not-ruining comic book movies.


-Is Tony Stark trashy?

He had some trashy and superficial moments for sure. But he did do the whole hero-mind-set-turn-around thing so it's hard to judge him now. Should have asked me this question before he turned into Iron Man.


-I liked him better before he fell in love with his loser secretary.

Well, yeah. But that could have been so much worse than it was. The movie would have been even better without Pepper Potts. When will they learn the leave out the unrealistic and childish romantic sub-plots in these films?


-They will not learn it.

Then most movies will suck forever and ever.

Mandy and Zak Fuck

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Mandy and Chapel Eat Each Other's Pussies.

-So, I hear you starred in a feature for Vivid Alt this week...

Yup. Benny Profane's new movie.

-What's it called?

I think it's supposed to be called "Hospital".

-So what's it about? A post office?

Yeah a fucked up post office. With nurses and mind reading devices. And naked people.

-How were the donuts at the craft-service table?

They were very tasty.

-I assume you'll tell us more about it when it actually comes out--what did you do last night?

Yeah, more information will be made available when it's more relevant, like when you can actually see it. Last night I went to a photography show opening at a tiny little gallery in Echo Park called Hamburger Eyes with Kimberly Kane, her friend who's work was in the show, Zak Sabbath and we ran into Eon McKai there too. The show was great.
Then we had diner and Zak and I went to see the Tomorrow Show. Which is a comedy show put on every Saturday by the the guys who did Home Movies (one of the funniest cartoons ever) and Metallocalypse. I accidentally heckled the last act too, which makes me feel a little bad. Oh well.

-Is making porn like that cartoon "Home Movies"?

It is sometimes, definitely.

-What kind of photos is "Hamburger Eyes"?

They were black and white and gritty, kind of like Daido Moriyama's stuff. (Kind of.)

-How come you know about so much stuff? Why aren't you dumber?

I'm just unlucky that way I suppose. Although I do have some pretty awesome friends I might not have if I were dumber.

-Like that monster?

Yeah, like the monster....

-Ok--let's say I was walking around and saw you on the street and I had done all this masturbating to your butt--should I just ignore you and then tell all my friends I saw you and you had a plastic bag with bread in it or should I say Hi?

You should come say hi, unless you're a creep who will try to molest me or something. But if all you want to do is say hi or something equally innocent then yeah, you're welcome to.

-So if I go "Ummm...hey, are you Mandy Morbid?" you won't hit me with your purse?

No. I might get a bit shy and wary of what you'll do or say next but I won't hit you with my purse or scream and run away.

-If I offer you some candy will you take it?

Nope. Oh, and have the good sense to not come talk to me if I'm with people who look like they could be parents or aunts and uncles. Like old people in normal clothes. Stay away from me then or I will hate you forever.

-Ah, good point. So, Chapel has big stripey socks--is that like an alt-porn thing, stripey socks?

Oh, yeah, stripy socks and alt-porn. That is a thing I guess.

-It seems like when they've got a sort of "normal" girl in alt-porn, they give her pigtails and legwarmers. Is that how you can tell the truly alt porn from the faux-alt? Stripey socks vs. legwarmers?

I don't know, I wear leg warmers even though I don't have enough hair for pigtails anymore. It doesn't matter. Stripy socks and leg warmers are cool and that's all.

-ok.