-So you're going with Zak Sabbath around on this book tour?
Yup! It's pretty nifty. We've done Portland and San Francisco already. New York in a couple days. (I'll re-post his reading/signing event schedule at the end of this blog.)
-So what the fuck is this book and why should we care?
Ok. To put it as simply as possible it's a book that has like 300 pages of true stories that happened to Zak, and me, and most of the people you've seen on my site, and the people who make the movies we are in. It also has 100 pages of drawings and paintings in it that Zak drew or painted (because his real job is mostly being a painter--not being an alt porn star) of the girls and people who were around. The stories and the pictures don't "match up" though (like they do in a comic book). They are separate pictures of the same things.
You should care because if you are interested in learning more about me, or girls like me, or my friends, and our lives (like what it was like when we made "Hospital" for example) then reading We Did Porn would be a good way to do so because we are all in it.
We have different names in the book, but I like to think my fans are clever people and can figure it out. (I'm "Candy Crushed", you get that one for free.)
Or, if you like fantastic extremely beautiful and complicated art and fantastic extremely interesting and complicated (and funny) writing then you should also care. Because the book is those things too.
-So the writing is good? Can you prove it?
Here is a link of an excerpt (a part of the book about Sasha Grey being on the Tyra Banks Show):
http://therumpus.net/2009/06/barely-legal-whores-get-gang-fed/ (copy paste!)
(I sent that link to my dad and I think it shocked him a little. Which I didn't really think was possible anymore. I know he thought it was interesting though, despite being surprised.)
Here is Kimberly Kane's blurb about it (she's doing a contest where if you send her a pic of you with your copy of We Did Porn she'll send you free porn):
http://blog.kanearmy.com/ (copy paste, then scroll down a bit!)
Here is the link to Fleshbot.com's review:
http://fleshbot.com/5304994/sabbath-porny-sabbath-we-did-porn/gallery/
Here is a link to our friend author/sex worker/activist/director Audacia Ray's review of it:
http://www.wakingvixen.com/blog/ (copy paste, then scroll down a bit!)
Here is Gram Ponante's review--again scroll down a bit:
http://www.gramponante.com/
Here is the stuff I have copied and pasted from Amazon.com's We Did Porn page:
"Intelligent, frank and often hilarious meditation on the author's dual career...The pleasure in this book comes not from living through the author's atypical experience, but in being taken deeper into areas of thought commonly perceived as taboo—a wild, entirely worthwhile ride." ."—Kirkus Reviews
"Smith’s take on the industry is vivid and insightful, including observations on people, politics and American culture—the push-and-pull between the Right and those who want the right to screw."—Kirkus Reviews, Nonfiction Supplement
"Will appeal to those who like things a little kinky."—Publishers Weekly
"A fascinating synthesis of words and art..."—LibraryJournal.com
"An intelligent, funny, and self-aware reminder that intelligent, funny, and self-aware people do in fact choose to work in the porn industry...It is all incredibly interesting and entertaining."—Alison Hallett, The Portland Mercury
"The subject matter — combined with his clever imagery — couldn’t help but keep it fascinating... It reminded me of David Foster Wallace’s hilarious, equally dense essay “Big Red Son”...Smith and Wallace have similarly breathless, heady writing styles and We Did Porn could easily serve as a porn insider’s compliment to Wallace’s journalistic-outsider perspective."—Alex Peterson, Willamette Week Online
Uh....so, is that proof enough? Or you could just trust me since you know I have good taste in literature (if you've been paying any attention to me at all over the past year or two I've been doing this porn thing and writing stuff on here).
-Ok, fine, I'll buy it--what else is going on?
Oh, there was Canada Day with Kimberly Kane, Zak, Daniel/Danny Wylde, with absurd 80ies German dog porn that had a whole plot, and locations and a soundtrack. Subtitles. Which Zak read to us all aloud in his fake German accent. And a little tiny bit of Canadian beer for me.
Dogs are pretty gross now. "Das hund naturally!"
Um, what else, hmm, I got to hang out with Quinne Suicide a bunch this week. Which was very nice.
As you can see in the lapdance vid that's up on MandyMorbid.com right now I shaved my mohawk off a couple months ago and my hair is starting to look good again. My wife in Berlin (Temper Suicide--keep up people!) says its "very 80ies Berlin punk rock". There's been photos on Twitter if you are cool enough to be following me.
Oh, yeah, on Twitter I'm MandyMorbid.
My lil brother just went to his high school prom. Weird.
I had an asthma attack earlier this week and now I've got a bad bad cold. This is how Zak describes me in my current disgusting state:
"Mandy caught a cold somewhere along the line so, next to me, the most beautiful woman in the world is nozzling snot and grunting in her sleep like a snouted zoo animal."
I think that's really great.
Quinne is sick too. Did you know that she and I were born less than two hours apart, same year, all that. She is my astrological as well as my boob twin. Here is what she said about Zak's book:
"later i met up with zaksmith and adria to go to berkeley for zak's book reading/signing for 'we did porn'. let me tell you freinds, it was fucking amazing. just from the few parts i heard zak read last night i am SO impressed and excited to read the whole thing.
(then we ate some greasy pizza shhhhhhhh!)"
Ok. So that's what I've been up to. I'm probably forgetting stuff. Oh well.
-Was the dog porn hot?
No. The women were atrocious, snaggletoothed and cow tits and acne scarred and concave faced. Nightmarish. Which isn't surprising is it? You wouldn't think the girls agreeing to fuck poodles on film for money would be the prettiest girls around would you?
-Was Canada Day hot?
No. But it was funny and strange. It was novel if anything.
-Was Quinne Suicide hot?
She is adorable.
Oh, and here are more upcoming book tour dates where Zak and I will be:
Barnes and Noble New Haven, CT Monday July 13 6:00 pm yale.bncollege.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/BNCBHomePage?storeId=16556&catalogId=10001&langId=-1
Museum of Sex NY Tuesday July 14 7:30 PM http://www.museumofsex.com/
McNally Jackson Booksellers NY Wednesday 15-Jul 7:00 PM mcnallyjackson.com/
St. Mark's NY Thursday 16-Jul 7:30 PM www.stmarksbookshop.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp (actually in a location near there, sponsored by them, I found out)
Skylight Books Los Angeles, CA Friday July 31 7:30 pm www.skylightbooks.com
Bookslut Chicago, IL Tuesday August 4 7:30 pm http://www.bookslut.com/readings.html
Bumbershoot fest Seattle Sept 6
They tell me then maybe Minneapolis. Then maybe the UK.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Zak Smith (Sabbath)'s "We Did Porn" Book Tour.
--Copied from Zak Smith(Sabbath)'s Suicidegirls blog. I'm going with him on his book tour.
http://www.tinhouse.com/books/books_coming_w_d_porn.htm
--That's ^^ the book. "We Did Porn".
"Rumpus Room San Francisco, CA Tuesday July 7 Time not yet determined therumpus.net/
This is one of those multi-media events full of sex-positive type lesbians doing poems and performances and whatever. It is always hard to know how or what to read at a thing like this. I will just have to boyish-charm through it, is my strategy.
Moe's Books Berkeley, CA Wednesday July 8 7:30 PM www.moesbooks.com Maybe my uncle will be there. I should call him I guess. I got a bunch of cigars for him here.
then we got... City Lights San Francisco, CA Thursday July 9 7:00 PM www.citylights.com City Lights is serious literary turf. They had to book this date like 8 months in advance. Founded by Lawrence Ferlinghetti. Their press published Allen Ginsberg, Bukowski, Andre Breton, others. Some people walk into a place where there's history and they just like that a lot. Like Baudot who's going all over europe right now, enjoying, for all the world, being in places where things happened. I'm not really like that for some reason. Maybe because I'm from washington DC where shit is ALWAYS going down, and it always looks and feels like fuck-all.
Speaking of fuck-all: Barnes and Nobles New Haven, CT Monday July 13 6:00 pm
I am famous in New Haven, Connecticut. Why? Because once I went to the Book Trader coffee shop and ordered a roast beef and goat cheese sandwich and they were out of bread so I got it on two cookies. Went back 5 years later and the clerks were still talking about it. That's how boring New Haven Connecticut is.
Then: Museum of Sex NY Tuesday July 14 7:30 PM http://www.museumofsex.com/
Uh, then: McNally Jackson Booksellers NY Wednesday 15-Jul 7:00 PM mcnallyjackson.com/ I got nothing to say here. Soho. Boring.
Then: St. Mark's NY Thursday 16-Jul 7:30 PM www.stmarksbookshop.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp
This place is like home. Just downstairs from the Cooper Union dorms--where I lived when I first moved to NYC. I used to go downstairs every day and pour (pore?) through the artbooks. NYC Lower East Side scenester Fly works there, or did. I have no idea where there's supposed to be room to read in there.
Skylight Books Los Angeles, CA Friday July 31 7:30 pm www.skylightbooks.com
This is like my new home. It's good to live near a book store. I went in there once and the guy;s like "Hey , our local celebrity" and I was like Seriously, man, we are in East Hollywood, I cannot even remotely qualify as a celebrity here. Danzig lives around the corner. Though, then I thought--maybe I am the closest thing around here to a celebrity that ever goes into a bookstore. Which is weird--LA is pretty anti-book. I saw Dennis Cooper read and like, 30 people showed up. One of the biggest literary writers living and like 30 people. I read up in Portland and there was a 7$ cover and 75 people showed up. Fucking Los Angeles. "
--Ok. So. This is where we'll be. That's my plans there for the next couple of weeks pretty much. There won't be much updating of my site probably. We'll see what I can manage.
--In the meantime there's that 8 min masterpiece shot by Zak of me giving him a lapdance.
--Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been a busy busy girl.
http://www.tinhouse.com/books/books_coming_w_d_porn.htm
--That's ^^ the book. "We Did Porn".
"Rumpus Room San Francisco, CA Tuesday July 7 Time not yet determined therumpus.net/
This is one of those multi-media events full of sex-positive type lesbians doing poems and performances and whatever. It is always hard to know how or what to read at a thing like this. I will just have to boyish-charm through it, is my strategy.
Moe's Books Berkeley, CA Wednesday July 8 7:30 PM www.moesbooks.com Maybe my uncle will be there. I should call him I guess. I got a bunch of cigars for him here.
then we got... City Lights San Francisco, CA Thursday July 9 7:00 PM www.citylights.com City Lights is serious literary turf. They had to book this date like 8 months in advance. Founded by Lawrence Ferlinghetti. Their press published Allen Ginsberg, Bukowski, Andre Breton, others. Some people walk into a place where there's history and they just like that a lot. Like Baudot who's going all over europe right now, enjoying, for all the world, being in places where things happened. I'm not really like that for some reason. Maybe because I'm from washington DC where shit is ALWAYS going down, and it always looks and feels like fuck-all.
Speaking of fuck-all: Barnes and Nobles New Haven, CT Monday July 13 6:00 pm
I am famous in New Haven, Connecticut. Why? Because once I went to the Book Trader coffee shop and ordered a roast beef and goat cheese sandwich and they were out of bread so I got it on two cookies. Went back 5 years later and the clerks were still talking about it. That's how boring New Haven Connecticut is.
Then: Museum of Sex NY Tuesday July 14 7:30 PM http://www.museumofsex.com/
Uh, then: McNally Jackson Booksellers NY Wednesday 15-Jul 7:00 PM mcnallyjackson.com/ I got nothing to say here. Soho. Boring.
Then: St. Mark's NY Thursday 16-Jul 7:30 PM www.stmarksbookshop.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp
This place is like home. Just downstairs from the Cooper Union dorms--where I lived when I first moved to NYC. I used to go downstairs every day and pour (pore?) through the artbooks. NYC Lower East Side scenester Fly works there, or did. I have no idea where there's supposed to be room to read in there.
Skylight Books Los Angeles, CA Friday July 31 7:30 pm www.skylightbooks.com
This is like my new home. It's good to live near a book store. I went in there once and the guy;s like "Hey , our local celebrity" and I was like Seriously, man, we are in East Hollywood, I cannot even remotely qualify as a celebrity here. Danzig lives around the corner. Though, then I thought--maybe I am the closest thing around here to a celebrity that ever goes into a bookstore. Which is weird--LA is pretty anti-book. I saw Dennis Cooper read and like, 30 people showed up. One of the biggest literary writers living and like 30 people. I read up in Portland and there was a 7$ cover and 75 people showed up. Fucking Los Angeles. "
--Ok. So. This is where we'll be. That's my plans there for the next couple of weeks pretty much. There won't be much updating of my site probably. We'll see what I can manage.
--In the meantime there's that 8 min masterpiece shot by Zak of me giving him a lapdance.
--Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been a busy busy girl.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Help Iranians Cybernetically!
stolen from Boing Boing
Tip #4 is easy, so do it, or set up a new account to do it!
The purpose of this guide is to help you participate constructively in the Iranian election protests through Twitter.
1. Do NOT publicise proxy IP's over twitter, and especially not using the #iranelection hashtag. Security forces are monitoring this hashtag, and the moment they identify a proxy IP they will block it in Iran. If you are creating new proxies for the Iranian bloggers, DM them to @stopAhmadi or @iran09 and they will distributed them discretely to bloggers in Iran.
2. Hashtags, the only two legitimate hashtags being used by bloggers in Iran are #iranelection and #gr88, other hashtag ideas run the risk of diluting the conversation.
3. Keep you bull$hit filter up! Security forces are now setting up twitter accounts to spread disinformation by posing as Iranian protesters. Please don't retweet impetuosly, try to confirm information with reliable sources before retweeting. The legitimate sources are not hard to find and follow.
4. Help cover the bloggers: change your twitter settings so that your location is TEHRAN and your time zone is GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location and timezone searches. If we all become 'Iranians' it becomes much harder to find them.
5. Don't blow their cover! If you discover a genuine source, please don't publicise their name or location on a website. These bloggers are in REAL danger. Spread the word discretely through your own networks but don't signpost them to the security forces. People are dying there, for real, please keep that in mind...
p.s. Here's how to set up an alternate IP to help Iranian citizens get around the government firewall:
http://blog.austinheap.com/2009/06/15/how-to-setup-a-proxy-for-iran-citizens/
Tip #4 is easy, so do it, or set up a new account to do it!
The purpose of this guide is to help you participate constructively in the Iranian election protests through Twitter.
1. Do NOT publicise proxy IP's over twitter, and especially not using the #iranelection hashtag. Security forces are monitoring this hashtag, and the moment they identify a proxy IP they will block it in Iran. If you are creating new proxies for the Iranian bloggers, DM them to @stopAhmadi or @iran09 and they will distributed them discretely to bloggers in Iran.
2. Hashtags, the only two legitimate hashtags being used by bloggers in Iran are #iranelection and #gr88, other hashtag ideas run the risk of diluting the conversation.
3. Keep you bull$hit filter up! Security forces are now setting up twitter accounts to spread disinformation by posing as Iranian protesters. Please don't retweet impetuosly, try to confirm information with reliable sources before retweeting. The legitimate sources are not hard to find and follow.
4. Help cover the bloggers: change your twitter settings so that your location is TEHRAN and your time zone is GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location and timezone searches. If we all become 'Iranians' it becomes much harder to find them.
5. Don't blow their cover! If you discover a genuine source, please don't publicise their name or location on a website. These bloggers are in REAL danger. Spread the word discretely through your own networks but don't signpost them to the security forces. People are dying there, for real, please keep that in mind...
p.s. Here's how to set up an alternate IP to help Iranian citizens get around the government firewall:
http://blog.austinheap.com/2009/06/15/how-to-setup-a-proxy-for-iran-citizens/
Monday, June 1, 2009
Melvins, Barney, Etrigan, Golf
-What have you been up to Mandy?
* Gym with Kimberly Kane as usual, went to the driving range with her and Zak and Stoya, watching Justice League cartoons, reading a book about the Met, watching Zak draw...stuff like that.
-You played golf with Stoya?
*Zak, and KK played with Stoya, I pretty much gave up "playing" awhile back because I suck. At most things athletic unless they involve a horse or ice skates or a pool. Or cock. But going to the driving range isn't really playing golf is it? It's just whacking at golf balls. Anyway I mostly watch or keep score if KK and Zak are having a competition. Stoya was almost as bad as I am though. She gave up too.
- Was anybody else at this driving range?
*Oh yeah, we saw Buzz from the Melvins!
(And Satine had a birthday party too, I forgot to mention above. She had like three, but we only went to one of 'em. And we hung out with Daniel/Danny Wylde too--watching him and Zak both sit on my bed and play Star Wars: Battlefront II was awfully exciting, in the hot way. AND I got to see KK "die" in a really awesome looking horror movie that Tommy Pistol was making. Did I remember it all now? Oh. Right. Lots of doctors appointments too.)
- Jesus fuck you're busy...
*I guess so. Yeah.
-What do you think of the Melvins' cover of that Alice Cooper song "Ballad of Dwight Frye"?
*I like it! A lot. It's a great cover. But I like the version I saw Alice perform live better of course.
-So was Buzz all "Holy shit! It's Stoya!"!
*Nah, he didn't get up there until after we were down in the parking lot, loitering while the girls smoked, and Zak noticed him and went back up to see if it was really him--but didn't talk to him or take a picture or anything. Just confirmed it was who he thought it was. I couldn't see very well. My contacts never seem to work as well as I'd like them to.
-Was Stoya all "Holy shit! It's Buzz Osbourne!"?
*I don't remember.
-I guess Buzz is one of those rock stars that NOT all the porn chicks have already slept with...
*You might be right.
-What are you eating?
*Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. And soon a pill to help me sleep that my doctor put me on when he decided I have Fibromyalgia.
-Are you eating the ones that have the fish with their names on them: "Brooke", "Gilbert", "Finn", and "Xtreme"?
*On the back of the package, yeah, not on the fish crackers.
-Which Fish is the best?
*I always get the one's with Finn. Because they're tasty.
-It says on the bag he's president of "share smiles" foundation. Does that figure into your decision?
*Nope.
-Which episode of Justice League are you watching?
* The one with the Huge Heffner guy having the Halloween party and Morgan (Morganna?) Le Fey and her annoying kid, Mordred. And Etrigan.
-OH MY GOD THE ONE WITH ETRIGAN? THAT ONE IS SO FUCKING AWESOME AND YOU ARE AWESOME FOR WATCHING IT!
*The one with baby Etrigan is pretty cool too.
-I love how he's all creepy and has black lips. That shit'll give children nightmares for decades.
*I dunno. I saw The Exorcist when I was, like, 8. That'll give kids nightmares. Especially Catholic kids. Or Unsolved Mysteries, that scared me. Maybe Etrigan would've too though.
-The fact that there's a "Share Smiles" Foundation and its president's a fish with sunglasses gives me nightmares.
*Yeah....that's pretty scary. I always thought Barney was awfully scary, he came out when my lil brother was a toddler. Ick! He said all kinds of nonsense about "smiles" and crap like that too.
-It would be totally fucked if Barney had black lips and Etrigan was always demanding that people smile...
* Now I'm just gonna picture all the unrealistically cheery kid's characters I can with black lips...
-Is Coco's butt as squeezable and juicy as it looks in movies?
* Pretty much, yup.
- 'sigh'
* Indeed.
* Gym with Kimberly Kane as usual, went to the driving range with her and Zak and Stoya, watching Justice League cartoons, reading a book about the Met, watching Zak draw...stuff like that.
-You played golf with Stoya?
*Zak, and KK played with Stoya, I pretty much gave up "playing" awhile back because I suck. At most things athletic unless they involve a horse or ice skates or a pool. Or cock. But going to the driving range isn't really playing golf is it? It's just whacking at golf balls. Anyway I mostly watch or keep score if KK and Zak are having a competition. Stoya was almost as bad as I am though. She gave up too.
- Was anybody else at this driving range?
*Oh yeah, we saw Buzz from the Melvins!
(And Satine had a birthday party too, I forgot to mention above. She had like three, but we only went to one of 'em. And we hung out with Daniel/Danny Wylde too--watching him and Zak both sit on my bed and play Star Wars: Battlefront II was awfully exciting, in the hot way. AND I got to see KK "die" in a really awesome looking horror movie that Tommy Pistol was making. Did I remember it all now? Oh. Right. Lots of doctors appointments too.)
- Jesus fuck you're busy...
*I guess so. Yeah.
-What do you think of the Melvins' cover of that Alice Cooper song "Ballad of Dwight Frye"?
*I like it! A lot. It's a great cover. But I like the version I saw Alice perform live better of course.
-So was Buzz all "Holy shit! It's Stoya!"!
*Nah, he didn't get up there until after we were down in the parking lot, loitering while the girls smoked, and Zak noticed him and went back up to see if it was really him--but didn't talk to him or take a picture or anything. Just confirmed it was who he thought it was. I couldn't see very well. My contacts never seem to work as well as I'd like them to.
-Was Stoya all "Holy shit! It's Buzz Osbourne!"?
*I don't remember.
-I guess Buzz is one of those rock stars that NOT all the porn chicks have already slept with...
*You might be right.
-What are you eating?
*Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. And soon a pill to help me sleep that my doctor put me on when he decided I have Fibromyalgia.
-Are you eating the ones that have the fish with their names on them: "Brooke", "Gilbert", "Finn", and "Xtreme"?
*On the back of the package, yeah, not on the fish crackers.
-Which Fish is the best?
*I always get the one's with Finn. Because they're tasty.
-It says on the bag he's president of "share smiles" foundation. Does that figure into your decision?
*Nope.
-Which episode of Justice League are you watching?
* The one with the Huge Heffner guy having the Halloween party and Morgan (Morganna?) Le Fey and her annoying kid, Mordred. And Etrigan.
-OH MY GOD THE ONE WITH ETRIGAN? THAT ONE IS SO FUCKING AWESOME AND YOU ARE AWESOME FOR WATCHING IT!
*The one with baby Etrigan is pretty cool too.
-I love how he's all creepy and has black lips. That shit'll give children nightmares for decades.
*I dunno. I saw The Exorcist when I was, like, 8. That'll give kids nightmares. Especially Catholic kids. Or Unsolved Mysteries, that scared me. Maybe Etrigan would've too though.
-The fact that there's a "Share Smiles" Foundation and its president's a fish with sunglasses gives me nightmares.
*Yeah....that's pretty scary. I always thought Barney was awfully scary, he came out when my lil brother was a toddler. Ick! He said all kinds of nonsense about "smiles" and crap like that too.
-It would be totally fucked if Barney had black lips and Etrigan was always demanding that people smile...
* Now I'm just gonna picture all the unrealistically cheery kid's characters I can with black lips...
-Is Coco's butt as squeezable and juicy as it looks in movies?
* Pretty much, yup.
- 'sigh'
* Indeed.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Exxotica + Really Long Review of New Star Trek Movie
*So what's up with this video this week here?
-This is me getting tit-fucked by Zak Sabbath and him coming on me.
*What does his cum feel like on you?
-It's warm, wet and varying degrees of sticky--gelatinous, or liquid. And it cools and congeals very quickly and then it's kind of icky sometimes.
*So it's icky once it gets cold?
-Sometimes. If it's more runny or watery or of thinner consistency it's not a problem.
*Interesting. Did you see anyone drink a stripper's breast milk last week?
-Yes I did see that. Well taste would be more accurate. Oooh South Beach Miami. So dirty.
*What were you doing in Miami?
-Was there 'cause my friends were going to be at Exxotica and I have a friend who lives there and it was just good timing. Only I was very very sick the first few days and so I ended up avoiding the convention floor.
*Wasn't there also a lesbian convention at the same time?
-Yup. The lesbians were noisy.
*Noisy?
-They were hollering at each other from across streets and stuff. While sitting at outdoor restaurants even.
*Bi-sexual porn chicks are not noisy?
-I have yet to see a bi-sexual porn girl shout out at anyone they found attractive, male or female, from a distance.
*So you gotta get in close?
-I guess so.
*Was anyone else loud this week?
-An ex-SuicideGirl/ stripper we were hanging out with got drunk and then, yeah, she was loud.
*Was she a lesbian?
-No.
*Are SuicideGirls noisy?
-As far as I can tell, no, not really. At least not the ones I know.
*Are ex-SuicideGirls noisy?
-I only ever met the one, and that was the first time I met her so it's difficult to make a generalization about that.
*But it's fair to say that every single ex-SuicideGirl you ever met was noisy?
-Yes.
*So was there crazy porn star fun in Miami that everyone reading this should be envious that they missed?
-Maybe. My perspective is skewed so I'm not sure what everyone should be envious of. Sitting around for hours drinking and talking with Sasha Grey, Stoya (who occasionally would attack someone for fun) Kimberly Kane, the Popporn boys, Alektra Blue etc...Going to the beach with Nadia Nitro and KK, sitting in bed in a hotel room while Nadia and Kimberly both fall asleep on either side of me while watching the Simpsons and Family Guy...I dunno. Pink mojitos in the pool with Kimberly Kane? Hanging out at a bar with a tipsy Jenna Haze who gets totally excited and psyched about my tits and haircut and who absent mindedly kept humping Zak's leg while she tried to feel up Sasha. Is that worth being envious of?
*Um, from the point-of-view of me? Yes. Yes it is. So what's this about Stoya attacking people? Is she dangerous? Did she attack lesbians?
-No she attacked a boy. Maybe made his nipple bleed. I think I've done that myself at some point....So I don't think she's dangerous just unpredictable, which is fun.
*Did you drink drinks with umbrellas?
-Nope. Not me. But everyone one else did. I had sips of theirs. Brian Bangs ordered Zak a mystery drink one night called a Flaming Lamborghini, which of course was on fire, or sorta, cause it was windy where we were all sitting, but we got the point. He said it was very tasty. Then afterwards we got a few other people to drink 'em too. I think we got Kimberly Kane to drink one. I did however have a couple of Blowjobs, which one of the Popporn boys got on video. So that may pop up online sometime, or maybe not. Who knows.
*Um, at the risk of sounding even more pathetic than I actually am, what's a blowjob?
-Since we were talking about drinks there's this:
"An alcoholic drink.
In a shot glass (NOT a cordial glass):
1/2 shot Bailey's Irish Cream
1/2 shot Kaluah
Topped with whipped cream as high as you can make it.
After the shot is made, the drinker can do a liptease, and lick some of the cream off the top. If the drink has been bought by somebody else, this is almost a requirement.
The drinker places her hands behind her back, leans over, wraps her lips around the shotglass and straightens up, tilting the head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.
This is a good way to get free drinks, just make sure you don't choke. It takes a while to master the technique of doing this gracefully and looking sexy."
Which I'm pretty sure I failed at. Since Nadia had to hold my shot glass up for me, though in my defense my shot glass was square shaped and not circular which is pretty awkward to get your mouth around, and I do have a very small mouth.
There's also this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fellatio
*So I see that you are on the box of the new Burning Angel movie...
-Yup. Me and Pixie Pearl. The scene is actually up at www.heavymetalpussyparty.com I still haven't seen the scene or the photos yet. So if you watch it write me and tell me if it's good.
*It's good.
-I know you haven't seen it. So you don't know. Maybe one of us has green goo oozing out of our assholes.
*It's Mandy Morbid and Pixie Pearl. It's hot. It's in the dictionary. Under "hot".
-Fine.
*THANK YOU. ANYway...so I was sta...I mean, following you on Twitter and I noticed you wrote "When a man is in love, is jealous, and has been flogged by the Inquisition, he becomes lost to all reflection" Is that true?
-I have no idea. The quotation marks actually include "...Candide said" so I guess Voltaire thought it was true, but Voltaire strikes me as being batshit insane and not especially clever.
*So you think we DO actually live in the "Best of All Possible Worlds"?
-No. I think if everyone can think of a better world than we should be able to create one. Only we suck and are stupid and selfish and immature and corrupt. So we don't.
*Ummm..well it seems to me then you agree with what Voltaire's saying in Candide, then...
-How should I know I wasn't listening the whole time the audio book was playing. I just listened to like 3 chapters.
*Do you do that a lot? Like put on classic literature on audiobook and ignore half of it? Do you know who won the Trojan War? Do you know if anybody ever found out about Madame Bovary's affair?
-I've never listened to or read Madame Bovary--I heard it was trash. And I do believe it was the Greeks won the Trojan War. Well some Greeks won against some other Greeks cause the Trojans were Greek too right? But yes sometimes I ignore what's on the radio. Maybe Voltaire loses something in the translation. We did Voltaire when I was still in school in Montreal. 7th grade (and in french). I remember the story we did being better than Candide. Or maybe it was just the guy they had reading it on my version of the audiobook sucked.
*Who's better: Voltaire the philosopher, or Voltaire the goth who did "Banned on Vulcan", or Voltaire the SuicideGirl?
-I like Voltaire Suicide best. I don't know what you're talking about with this goth "Banned on Vulcan" thing. But I just google it and it looks amazingly stupid. And I'm a huge Star Trek fan. And it looks amazingly stupid.
*Does it upset you that Voltaire called Canada "A few acres of snow"?
-A little bit. Canada is larger than the U.S.A--Oh and "Banned on Vulcan" doesn't make much sense to me, cause it seems likely that the Vulcans are so logical and in control of what's going on that they would never need to "ban" anything. Which Voltaire said that?
*Speaking of Vulcans, did you see that utterly retarded movie?
-3 times.
*Were those times utterly retarded?
-Nope.
Although I think a lot of the movie could have been way better and they or someone could have put way way way more effort into it/parts of it.
And there were stupid typical hollywood unnecessary redundant nonsense scenes (example the young Kirk stealing a car scene--typical tacky hollywood bullshit and ugh product placement, and the young Spock talking to his father about how he's troubled and half-human--yeah WE KNOW ALREADY-- obnoxiously obvious attempt to demonstrate Spock's emotional issues--felt like the movie was trying to manipulate me into feeling a certain way about the character and that's never a good sign--the bit of green blood they showed was cute though.)
And the villains and their whole origin/plot were really really weak and annoying and aesthetically awful--like-come-on-tribal-tattoos-in-space-don't-even-look-or-act-like-Romulans-ugh-so-devoid-of-creativity!!
And other things too...
BUT I am such a Star Trek addict that I still loved it anyway. I think it was very well cast and I'm looking forward to seeing the new cast really get more into the classic characters. New Kirk had a few great classic Kirk moments, new Spock too, although there weren't enough of the classic Nimoy-Spock expressions and mannerisms for my taste. Kirk and Spock both are totally hot too (but original Nimoy Spock was way hotter), so that helps. New McCoy was utterly brilliant and got Bones bang on, Scotty was great, Chekov and Sulu were good too.
Oh and Vulcan looked beautiful.
And simply, it was just a pleasure to see NEW Star Trek. The re-done spaceships, etc. I get goosebumbs when I see "NCC-1701" span across the starry screen. The alternate reality thing was a great idea since it doesn't upset fans attached to the "original" Trek history. I grew up on Star Trek. My sister, my dad and I all bonded over Star Trek. I had the fucking TNG video interactive board game when I was 11, my sister and I watched everyday after school (in high school) the Original Series, then TNG, then Deep Space Nine, then Voyager. (Space channel in Canada is awesome-by-the-way.) OF COURSE I'm going to love it.
I might have to go see it again. Like I watch all the seasons of all the shows (except Enterprise) over and over again on dvd, and I watch Star Wars (the original 3) over and over again and would get so so excited to them in theatre. Why is this any different?
*Star Trek sucks.
-Whatever. Most sci-fi sucks unfortunately--except for first 3 Star Wars, Blade Runner, Alien, Alphaville, and the Fifth Element. And Star Trek.
*Did you see that Star Trek porn movie Sasha just did?
-I saw a clip. They did her Vulcan eyebrows wrong....see now I'm just gonna be all ultra-fan on you.
*Does it strike you as strange that you spent all weekend frolicking in an exotic tropical locale with famous porn stars and you have way less to say about it than you do about seeing some movie every one else in the country also saw?
-No. The talking about the frolicking thing is I would be gossiping about my friends and who wants to do that to their friends on the internet? Not me. And I'm glad to be home from Miami. You know how at the end of vacations all you want to do is be home in your own bed? If we had of been talking about Miami while I was IN Miami I probably would have had more to say. At the moment though I haven't got much to think about aside from sex, my medical problems and getting to my doctors appointments on time, and then making more appointments and then Star Trek.
*What if your doctor was that Star Trek doctor and he was always all "Dammit Mandy, I'm a doctor, not a..." (whatever you were treating him like)?
-I'd be all "Well that's perfect 'cause I don't need a "whatever-I-was-treating-him-like" I need a doctor. Despite what I was treating you like. Can't you tell with that tricorder thingy that I need a doctor? Most people can tell just by hanging out with me for a few hours."
*Yeah, I guess that, umm, makes sense. Ok, is that it for this week?
-Yes. Bedtime.
-This is me getting tit-fucked by Zak Sabbath and him coming on me.
*What does his cum feel like on you?
-It's warm, wet and varying degrees of sticky--gelatinous, or liquid. And it cools and congeals very quickly and then it's kind of icky sometimes.
*So it's icky once it gets cold?
-Sometimes. If it's more runny or watery or of thinner consistency it's not a problem.
*Interesting. Did you see anyone drink a stripper's breast milk last week?
-Yes I did see that. Well taste would be more accurate. Oooh South Beach Miami. So dirty.
*What were you doing in Miami?
-Was there 'cause my friends were going to be at Exxotica and I have a friend who lives there and it was just good timing. Only I was very very sick the first few days and so I ended up avoiding the convention floor.
*Wasn't there also a lesbian convention at the same time?
-Yup. The lesbians were noisy.
*Noisy?
-They were hollering at each other from across streets and stuff. While sitting at outdoor restaurants even.
*Bi-sexual porn chicks are not noisy?
-I have yet to see a bi-sexual porn girl shout out at anyone they found attractive, male or female, from a distance.
*So you gotta get in close?
-I guess so.
*Was anyone else loud this week?
-An ex-SuicideGirl/ stripper we were hanging out with got drunk and then, yeah, she was loud.
*Was she a lesbian?
-No.
*Are SuicideGirls noisy?
-As far as I can tell, no, not really. At least not the ones I know.
*Are ex-SuicideGirls noisy?
-I only ever met the one, and that was the first time I met her so it's difficult to make a generalization about that.
*But it's fair to say that every single ex-SuicideGirl you ever met was noisy?
-Yes.
*So was there crazy porn star fun in Miami that everyone reading this should be envious that they missed?
-Maybe. My perspective is skewed so I'm not sure what everyone should be envious of. Sitting around for hours drinking and talking with Sasha Grey, Stoya (who occasionally would attack someone for fun) Kimberly Kane, the Popporn boys, Alektra Blue etc...Going to the beach with Nadia Nitro and KK, sitting in bed in a hotel room while Nadia and Kimberly both fall asleep on either side of me while watching the Simpsons and Family Guy...I dunno. Pink mojitos in the pool with Kimberly Kane? Hanging out at a bar with a tipsy Jenna Haze who gets totally excited and psyched about my tits and haircut and who absent mindedly kept humping Zak's leg while she tried to feel up Sasha. Is that worth being envious of?
*Um, from the point-of-view of me? Yes. Yes it is. So what's this about Stoya attacking people? Is she dangerous? Did she attack lesbians?
-No she attacked a boy. Maybe made his nipple bleed. I think I've done that myself at some point....So I don't think she's dangerous just unpredictable, which is fun.
*Did you drink drinks with umbrellas?
-Nope. Not me. But everyone one else did. I had sips of theirs. Brian Bangs ordered Zak a mystery drink one night called a Flaming Lamborghini, which of course was on fire, or sorta, cause it was windy where we were all sitting, but we got the point. He said it was very tasty. Then afterwards we got a few other people to drink 'em too. I think we got Kimberly Kane to drink one. I did however have a couple of Blowjobs, which one of the Popporn boys got on video. So that may pop up online sometime, or maybe not. Who knows.
*Um, at the risk of sounding even more pathetic than I actually am, what's a blowjob?
-Since we were talking about drinks there's this:
"An alcoholic drink.
In a shot glass (NOT a cordial glass):
1/2 shot Bailey's Irish Cream
1/2 shot Kaluah
Topped with whipped cream as high as you can make it.
After the shot is made, the drinker can do a liptease, and lick some of the cream off the top. If the drink has been bought by somebody else, this is almost a requirement.
The drinker places her hands behind her back, leans over, wraps her lips around the shotglass and straightens up, tilting the head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.
This is a good way to get free drinks, just make sure you don't choke. It takes a while to master the technique of doing this gracefully and looking sexy."
Which I'm pretty sure I failed at. Since Nadia had to hold my shot glass up for me, though in my defense my shot glass was square shaped and not circular which is pretty awkward to get your mouth around, and I do have a very small mouth.
There's also this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fellatio
*So I see that you are on the box of the new Burning Angel movie...
-Yup. Me and Pixie Pearl. The scene is actually up at www.heavymetalpussyparty.com I still haven't seen the scene or the photos yet. So if you watch it write me and tell me if it's good.
*It's good.
-I know you haven't seen it. So you don't know. Maybe one of us has green goo oozing out of our assholes.
*It's Mandy Morbid and Pixie Pearl. It's hot. It's in the dictionary. Under "hot".
-Fine.
*THANK YOU. ANYway...so I was sta...I mean, following you on Twitter and I noticed you wrote "When a man is in love, is jealous, and has been flogged by the Inquisition, he becomes lost to all reflection" Is that true?
-I have no idea. The quotation marks actually include "...Candide said" so I guess Voltaire thought it was true, but Voltaire strikes me as being batshit insane and not especially clever.
*So you think we DO actually live in the "Best of All Possible Worlds"?
-No. I think if everyone can think of a better world than we should be able to create one. Only we suck and are stupid and selfish and immature and corrupt. So we don't.
*Ummm..well it seems to me then you agree with what Voltaire's saying in Candide, then...
-How should I know I wasn't listening the whole time the audio book was playing. I just listened to like 3 chapters.
*Do you do that a lot? Like put on classic literature on audiobook and ignore half of it? Do you know who won the Trojan War? Do you know if anybody ever found out about Madame Bovary's affair?
-I've never listened to or read Madame Bovary--I heard it was trash. And I do believe it was the Greeks won the Trojan War. Well some Greeks won against some other Greeks cause the Trojans were Greek too right? But yes sometimes I ignore what's on the radio. Maybe Voltaire loses something in the translation. We did Voltaire when I was still in school in Montreal. 7th grade (and in french). I remember the story we did being better than Candide. Or maybe it was just the guy they had reading it on my version of the audiobook sucked.
*Who's better: Voltaire the philosopher, or Voltaire the goth who did "Banned on Vulcan", or Voltaire the SuicideGirl?
-I like Voltaire Suicide best. I don't know what you're talking about with this goth "Banned on Vulcan" thing. But I just google it and it looks amazingly stupid. And I'm a huge Star Trek fan. And it looks amazingly stupid.
*Does it upset you that Voltaire called Canada "A few acres of snow"?
-A little bit. Canada is larger than the U.S.A--Oh and "Banned on Vulcan" doesn't make much sense to me, cause it seems likely that the Vulcans are so logical and in control of what's going on that they would never need to "ban" anything. Which Voltaire said that?
*Speaking of Vulcans, did you see that utterly retarded movie?
-3 times.
*Were those times utterly retarded?
-Nope.
Although I think a lot of the movie could have been way better and they or someone could have put way way way more effort into it/parts of it.
And there were stupid typical hollywood unnecessary redundant nonsense scenes (example the young Kirk stealing a car scene--typical tacky hollywood bullshit and ugh product placement, and the young Spock talking to his father about how he's troubled and half-human--yeah WE KNOW ALREADY-- obnoxiously obvious attempt to demonstrate Spock's emotional issues--felt like the movie was trying to manipulate me into feeling a certain way about the character and that's never a good sign--the bit of green blood they showed was cute though.)
And the villains and their whole origin/plot were really really weak and annoying and aesthetically awful--like-come-on-tribal-tattoos-in-space-don't-even-look-or-act-like-Romulans-ugh-so-devoid-of-creativity!!
And other things too...
BUT I am such a Star Trek addict that I still loved it anyway. I think it was very well cast and I'm looking forward to seeing the new cast really get more into the classic characters. New Kirk had a few great classic Kirk moments, new Spock too, although there weren't enough of the classic Nimoy-Spock expressions and mannerisms for my taste. Kirk and Spock both are totally hot too (but original Nimoy Spock was way hotter), so that helps. New McCoy was utterly brilliant and got Bones bang on, Scotty was great, Chekov and Sulu were good too.
Oh and Vulcan looked beautiful.
And simply, it was just a pleasure to see NEW Star Trek. The re-done spaceships, etc. I get goosebumbs when I see "NCC-1701" span across the starry screen. The alternate reality thing was a great idea since it doesn't upset fans attached to the "original" Trek history. I grew up on Star Trek. My sister, my dad and I all bonded over Star Trek. I had the fucking TNG video interactive board game when I was 11, my sister and I watched everyday after school (in high school) the Original Series, then TNG, then Deep Space Nine, then Voyager. (Space channel in Canada is awesome-by-the-way.) OF COURSE I'm going to love it.
I might have to go see it again. Like I watch all the seasons of all the shows (except Enterprise) over and over again on dvd, and I watch Star Wars (the original 3) over and over again and would get so so excited to them in theatre. Why is this any different?
*Star Trek sucks.
-Whatever. Most sci-fi sucks unfortunately--except for first 3 Star Wars, Blade Runner, Alien, Alphaville, and the Fifth Element. And Star Trek.
*Did you see that Star Trek porn movie Sasha just did?
-I saw a clip. They did her Vulcan eyebrows wrong....see now I'm just gonna be all ultra-fan on you.
*Does it strike you as strange that you spent all weekend frolicking in an exotic tropical locale with famous porn stars and you have way less to say about it than you do about seeing some movie every one else in the country also saw?
-No. The talking about the frolicking thing is I would be gossiping about my friends and who wants to do that to their friends on the internet? Not me. And I'm glad to be home from Miami. You know how at the end of vacations all you want to do is be home in your own bed? If we had of been talking about Miami while I was IN Miami I probably would have had more to say. At the moment though I haven't got much to think about aside from sex, my medical problems and getting to my doctors appointments on time, and then making more appointments and then Star Trek.
*What if your doctor was that Star Trek doctor and he was always all "Dammit Mandy, I'm a doctor, not a..." (whatever you were treating him like)?
-I'd be all "Well that's perfect 'cause I don't need a "whatever-I-was-treating-him-like" I need a doctor. Despite what I was treating you like. Can't you tell with that tricorder thingy that I need a doctor? Most people can tell just by hanging out with me for a few hours."
*Yeah, I guess that, umm, makes sense. Ok, is that it for this week?
-Yes. Bedtime.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Snow Beasts
*So I see this week we are confronted with yet more sapphic shenanigans featuring you and the adorable miss Coco Velvett...
-Yup.
*How does Coco'spussy taste?
-Like a fucking pussy.
*So you are of the pinion that they are all alike?
-Pretty much. Maybe I just haven't tasted enough.
*I see. What else have you been up to?
- I've been sick. A lot. I've been watching episodes of Deadwood. Sometimes it's an ok show, other times it's tedious and predictable. I've also started reading Perdido Street Station by China Mieville. Same assessment pretty much, good and entertaining at times and at others tedious and predictable.
*Perhaps it would be possible to arrange things so that every time, say, the sheriff and his wife were whining about their dead baby, you'd be reading one of the good parts of PSS and every time Mieville starts to slack off, there'd be a gunfight or unanaesthetized surgery scene on Deadwood...
-That would be nice. Oh I was also healthy enough one day this week to do some laundry. Youpi.
*"Youpi"? What the hell does "Youpi" mean?
-Like "hooray" but I'm from Montreal. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youpi
*According to that wikipedia entry, it is also the name of a "french/swiss jazzmetal quartet" whatever the fuck that is. Ok--I am playing a track by Youpi--found it on youtube--what do you think of this song?
-I have a bit of a headache already. So, I guess I don't think very highly of it, though I would have expected worse.
*Yeah, I feel like when you say "french/swiss jazzmetal" you prepare for fairly apocalyptic levels of suck. But these guys are just kinda--well "tedious and predictable" would be the phrase of the week, I suppose. ANYWAY: let us go to the mailbag...Bairdduvessa expresses a preference that you dress up like Marvel super-heroines and get fucked rather than DC ones. What do you think of that?
-*shrugs* I know DC characters better than Marvel ones--'cause my dad brought more DC stuff home when I was a kid so I don't know if I am informed enough to have a real opinion on that subject. My decision would be based on which costumes appeal my actual fashion sense and which showed the most skin. I can't say at all if that's DC heroines or Marvel ones. And I don't feel like looking it up.
Oh...I also shaved my mohawk off.
*So does that mean you are now bald?
-I was, now it's starting to grow out fuzzy. Does that still count as bald?
*Hey, save me from asking a million questions and just tell us the whole scoop with your long-term and immediate hair plans...
-I don't have any plans yet. I haven't decided what I'm going to do. I might grow the mohawk back only different, or I might let most of it grow back like a real girls hair and dye all sorts of fun colours and just shave a small part of it. Or I might just keep getting so ill and sleepless and irritated that I keep shaving it all off just to suffer through the razor burn as a means of distraction from all the other pain. I do quite enjoy picking scabs off my head.
*What do you think of this tibetan scroll painting of a vengeful 6-armed tulpa?
(www2.lib.virginia.edu/exhibits/dead/images/vajra.jpg
-I like it.
*Also in the mailbag, Ben says he never puts his dick in crazy. What do you think of that?
-Do attractive women who aren't crazy even exist? If they do, I'd sure like to meet one some day.
*Is Coco crazy?
-Of course. She's not boring. I have sneaking suspicion that 'not crazy" is code for "dull".
*What did you get for your birthday?
-An Aldous Huxley book, two Mad magazines from the mid 90's, some glow in the dark stars to stick on my ceiling, and a notebook and some drawing stuff and a drawing, an anime action figure called Pocco and a book full of anime character drawings, oh a trip to Disneyland with lots of my friends.
*Which rides did you ride?
-Space Mountain, the Haunted House, It's A Small World, and the Matterhorn.
*Was there vomiting?
-No.
*If there was a zombie or mutant invasion during your birthday and you had to and commandeer and fortify a Disneyland ride and protect it from ravenous marauders with the aid of your birthday guests, which ride would you choose?
-It's a tie between It's A Small World and Pirates Of The Caribbean.
*That would be fucked if you sniped at ravenous invaders while taking cover behind like animatronic llamas in "It's A Small World".
-Yes. And that would make a beautiful video game if Disney ever gave someone the rights to make it. But yeah, fucked too.
*Fucked. Yes, fucked. But wouldn't the Matterhorn offer the most advantageous tactical position?
-Probably, but you'd also be likely to fall off a ledge or trip on a Yeti or something.
*Have you ever tripped on a Yeti?
-More like slipped and ended up face to face with a Yeti. Happens all the time to Canadian school children, that's how we learn to run on and through the snow and ice so quickly and skillfully.
*I see. Is there a difference between a Yeti and a Sasquatch?
- Yeah, I think maybe a Yeti is like a winter Sasquatch, like Yeti's are white and grey and Sasquatch is brown.
*What about a Yeti and an Abominable Snow Man?
-Abominable Snow Men have more teeth and claws than Yeti do.
*How do they have more claws? Do they have extra arms? Or just extra fingers? Is that abominable?
-My bet is more fingers. Unless you have something really good to ask I'm about ready to fall asleep. Maybe. If I'm lucky. I mean I'm exhausted and I want to try to sleep soon.
*Does the difference between Yetis and Wampas count as "really good"?
-Ha ha. Yes. On Earth we have Yetis, on Hoth they have Wampas. That's the difference.
*But, wait, are they like the same species but on different planets, or are there more complex biological differences?
-I'm not a exobiologist, or an astrobiologist so I wouldn't know. Also I'm too tired to think about it.
*But you are a Canadian. Aren't Canadians supposed to know about snow-beasts?
-About snow beasts native to this planet. Not the others. Yet.
*Oh.
-Ok. Goodnight.
-Yup.
*How does Coco'spussy taste?
-Like a fucking pussy.
*So you are of the pinion that they are all alike?
-Pretty much. Maybe I just haven't tasted enough.
*I see. What else have you been up to?
- I've been sick. A lot. I've been watching episodes of Deadwood. Sometimes it's an ok show, other times it's tedious and predictable. I've also started reading Perdido Street Station by China Mieville. Same assessment pretty much, good and entertaining at times and at others tedious and predictable.
*Perhaps it would be possible to arrange things so that every time, say, the sheriff and his wife were whining about their dead baby, you'd be reading one of the good parts of PSS and every time Mieville starts to slack off, there'd be a gunfight or unanaesthetized surgery scene on Deadwood...
-That would be nice. Oh I was also healthy enough one day this week to do some laundry. Youpi.
*"Youpi"? What the hell does "Youpi" mean?
-Like "hooray" but I'm from Montreal. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youpi
*According to that wikipedia entry, it is also the name of a "french/swiss jazzmetal quartet" whatever the fuck that is. Ok--I am playing a track by Youpi--found it on youtube--what do you think of this song?
-I have a bit of a headache already. So, I guess I don't think very highly of it, though I would have expected worse.
*Yeah, I feel like when you say "french/swiss jazzmetal" you prepare for fairly apocalyptic levels of suck. But these guys are just kinda--well "tedious and predictable" would be the phrase of the week, I suppose. ANYWAY: let us go to the mailbag...Bairdduvessa expresses a preference that you dress up like Marvel super-heroines and get fucked rather than DC ones. What do you think of that?
-*shrugs* I know DC characters better than Marvel ones--'cause my dad brought more DC stuff home when I was a kid so I don't know if I am informed enough to have a real opinion on that subject. My decision would be based on which costumes appeal my actual fashion sense and which showed the most skin. I can't say at all if that's DC heroines or Marvel ones. And I don't feel like looking it up.
Oh...I also shaved my mohawk off.
*So does that mean you are now bald?
-I was, now it's starting to grow out fuzzy. Does that still count as bald?
*Hey, save me from asking a million questions and just tell us the whole scoop with your long-term and immediate hair plans...
-I don't have any plans yet. I haven't decided what I'm going to do. I might grow the mohawk back only different, or I might let most of it grow back like a real girls hair and dye all sorts of fun colours and just shave a small part of it. Or I might just keep getting so ill and sleepless and irritated that I keep shaving it all off just to suffer through the razor burn as a means of distraction from all the other pain. I do quite enjoy picking scabs off my head.
*What do you think of this tibetan scroll painting of a vengeful 6-armed tulpa?
(www2.lib.virginia.edu/exhibits/dead/images/vajra.jpg
-I like it.
*Also in the mailbag, Ben says he never puts his dick in crazy. What do you think of that?
-Do attractive women who aren't crazy even exist? If they do, I'd sure like to meet one some day.
*Is Coco crazy?
-Of course. She's not boring. I have sneaking suspicion that 'not crazy" is code for "dull".
*What did you get for your birthday?
-An Aldous Huxley book, two Mad magazines from the mid 90's, some glow in the dark stars to stick on my ceiling, and a notebook and some drawing stuff and a drawing, an anime action figure called Pocco and a book full of anime character drawings, oh a trip to Disneyland with lots of my friends.
*Which rides did you ride?
-Space Mountain, the Haunted House, It's A Small World, and the Matterhorn.
*Was there vomiting?
-No.
*If there was a zombie or mutant invasion during your birthday and you had to and commandeer and fortify a Disneyland ride and protect it from ravenous marauders with the aid of your birthday guests, which ride would you choose?
-It's a tie between It's A Small World and Pirates Of The Caribbean.
*That would be fucked if you sniped at ravenous invaders while taking cover behind like animatronic llamas in "It's A Small World".
-Yes. And that would make a beautiful video game if Disney ever gave someone the rights to make it. But yeah, fucked too.
*Fucked. Yes, fucked. But wouldn't the Matterhorn offer the most advantageous tactical position?
-Probably, but you'd also be likely to fall off a ledge or trip on a Yeti or something.
*Have you ever tripped on a Yeti?
-More like slipped and ended up face to face with a Yeti. Happens all the time to Canadian school children, that's how we learn to run on and through the snow and ice so quickly and skillfully.
*I see. Is there a difference between a Yeti and a Sasquatch?
- Yeah, I think maybe a Yeti is like a winter Sasquatch, like Yeti's are white and grey and Sasquatch is brown.
*What about a Yeti and an Abominable Snow Man?
-Abominable Snow Men have more teeth and claws than Yeti do.
*How do they have more claws? Do they have extra arms? Or just extra fingers? Is that abominable?
-My bet is more fingers. Unless you have something really good to ask I'm about ready to fall asleep. Maybe. If I'm lucky. I mean I'm exhausted and I want to try to sleep soon.
*Does the difference between Yetis and Wampas count as "really good"?
-Ha ha. Yes. On Earth we have Yetis, on Hoth they have Wampas. That's the difference.
*But, wait, are they like the same species but on different planets, or are there more complex biological differences?
-I'm not a exobiologist, or an astrobiologist so I wouldn't know. Also I'm too tired to think about it.
*But you are a Canadian. Aren't Canadians supposed to know about snow-beasts?
-About snow beasts native to this planet. Not the others. Yet.
*Oh.
-Ok. Goodnight.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Birthdays, Comics and Ignorant Twats
*So what's going on with you today, Mandy?
-It's my birthday, I got lots of nice comments from strangers, my family forgot to call me, I went shopping for comic books with Zak Smith/Sabbath and some moron who can't read or was making a stupid assumption wrote me telling me that I'm an "idiot" for apparently using antibiotics improperly.
So, to set that person straight: I do not use antibiotics to treat the common cold or my asthma. I never said that I did. Read what I actually wrote and you'll see that I mentioned I had been on two rounds of antibiotics in the past month without saying what I was being treated for, since I don't always want to tell everyone what exactly is wrong with me. I also mentioned in the same blog that I had recently caught a cold and that cold would take me weeks to recover from. Catching a cold and also having had two separate infections in less than a month does not equal treating my cold with antibiotics. No doctor in their right mind prescribes antibiotics to someone--who's got a compromised immune system to begin with--when there is no reasonable medical reason to. When I have a cold I take vitamin C and drink lots of tea and that's about it. I don't even take cough syrups or pills because as informed as I am about my medical conditions I am aware that one of the most common ingredients in over the counter cough and cold medications is a cough suppressant that interferes with your lungs' natural reaction to a cold and can cause serious asthma attacks, and additionally keeps your body from healing as quickly as it might otherwise. When I have trouble with my asthma I take my prescribed asthma medication and when that doesn't work I go to the emergency room. When I have a bacterial infection like strep throat or a uti or something like an upper respiratory infection or a sinus infection I take my prescribed-by-a-doctor-antibiotics. When I'm in severe pain from endometriosis I take my prescribed-by-a-doctor-painkillers and hormone therapy and had fucking major surgery. Oh, and when I have migraines I take my prescribed migraine medication and I don't use it for earaches or tummy aches or skin rashes. Thanks. I don't need your fucking arrogant and mistaken advice. I fucking know all about being sick and what I should and shouldn't do. And when I have questions I have loads of excellent and caring doctors and better informed friends than you to ask when I need help. Fuck off with your rude comments about how I should take care of myself you ignorant twat.
Oh, and tomorrow I get to go to Disneyland with super hot porn stars and strippers and good friends.
*Um, o...k...were you in Hustler or something lately?
-I have no idea. People keep writing to me and asking me about magazines I've supposedly been in, but no one tells me when these things happen and I never get to see what these people are writing to me about. If any of you know anything about these mysterious appearances of mine in whatever magazines please scan a page or something for me and email it to me so I can see too.
*Yeah, they should do that.
-Indeed. Ugh, so so irritated by that stupid comment about me supposedly using medications improperly...
*Um, so, like, what did you do today?
-I slept in till 3pm then woke up and showered and shaved my head and then I got dressed and talked to my friend Nadia Nitro on the phone for awhile and then I went and put my contacts in and put some make-up on and then Zak and I went to Secret Headquarters and shopped for comic books and then we had dinner at the Brite Spot and then we came home and read comics and are watching Star Trek TNG as we both write stuff using the internet. At some point I plan to have some hot sex. Probably will do that at few times before I go to bed, at least once in the ass. Then more comics or Star Trek then sleep.
*What comic books did you buy?
-We got a Batman and Robin book by Frank Miller with art by Jim Lee, and some Wolverine VS the Hulk comics, and a few Iron Fist and DC Universe The Stories of Alan Moore and a Justice League of America VS the Injustice League of America comic, and an X-Men comic about Nightcrawler and a bunch of Seven Soldiers of Victory comics.
*I heard that everybody hated that Batman and Robin comic--what'd you think?
-I liked it. The art was pretty good and when you have Zak doing all the voices even cheesy dialog is entertaining. Though I don't get why Jimmy Olsen was in it. Jimmy Olsen sucks.
*Gosh gee golly gee willikers Miss Mandy, what's wrong with Jimmy Olsen?
-Yeah....exactly. I don't like virgins in comic books. I did enjoy Batman and Black Canary making out. That was fun to see.
*I would worry that I was fucking Black Canary she might get all excited and sonically scream at me and then I'd be disintegrated...
-Sounds like a good way to go as any.
*Are you going to have anal sex before, during, or after reading all the comics you bought?
-Not during. Before and after would be ideal.
*What's this week's video?
-Can't you see? It's me and Coco Velvett. Not having anal sex. But it was still fun.
*Does it say "Kasimir S. Pulaski Day" on the calendar behind Coco?
-I can't read half the stuff on my calendar because it's also Zak's calendar and I can't read Zak's writing. So, it very well could say that but I can't tell.
*So you have no particular attachment to the Father of The American Cavalry?
-I don't have a particular attachment to any kind of American father. My dad's Canadian.
*It says here that Kasimir (or Kazimierz) Pulaski died after being hit in the groin by a blast of grapeshot. That sounds unpleasant.
-It really does.
*Would you rather die defending the cause of liberty or fucking Black Canary?
-Fucking Black Canary. For sure.
*If someone sent you a Black Canary costume, would you put on that wig you wore when you fucked Alektra Blue and do a scene in it?
-Ha ha ha. OF COURSE! Think DC would be upset?
*I feel like it's hard to defend the copyright on "blonde chick with a black leotard and black fishnets".
-Good point.
*In retaliation, they may make a new supervillainess with pink hair and a leopard-skin belt who corrupts Gotham City by making porn free and then have Black Canary beat her up.
-I'm sure, like, positive that Gotham City already has lots of free porn. Just like I'm positive that I'm not the only one running a free porn site in our universe.
*Did you know you have the same birthday as Nabokov and Shakespeare?
-Yes. And the queen of England too I think. And Shirley Temple.
*Did you ever go to some bar and be all "Hey it's my birthday, free shots!" and see like Nabokov there getting free shots, too?
-No. I haven't done shots in years and years and when I did I didn't need my birthday as an excuse to get free ones. So, no, I've never gotten free shots at a bar with Vladmir Nabokov, although now that I think about it, that'd be pretty cool. Oh, and I am still angry about that dumb comment. (Just in case you were wondering.)
*Well your astrological twin Vladimir Nabokov would handle it by writing a long and witheringly eloquent demolition of his detractor's position and then publishing it in a learned journal. Shirley Temple would probably just say "I'm not gonna worry about that one bit!" and then do a cute dance in funny stockings.
-My reaction was probably somewhere in between. Except instead of a learned journal I have a silly blog (and my writing isn't exactly eloquent) and instead of a cute dance in funny stocking I'll fuck my boyfriend and then have multiple orgasms in my funny stockings.
*I believe that's how the Queen of England handles this sort of situation.
-Heh. Excellent. Now I know why my mum's parents have photos of her all over their house....
*I'm sure that's the reason.
-What else could explain that phenomenon? It all makes so much sense now.
*I wonder how Shakespeare handled his fan mail, like "Dearest Williemme, 'Thee Merrye Wives Of Windsor' was a Very poore effort Indeed and I daresay I found thee handling of the charactre of Mistress Quicklee to be particularly Crude & Altogether Lacklustre!"...
-"A plague on both your houses!"
*Most people who write nasty fan mail don't have two houses. Or one house. They generally live in their parents' basements, is what I am given to understand.
-They should all read more comics, when I was eleven years old I was reading a Super Girl comic (one where Buzz and Gorilla Grodd transform everyone into savage cave-men like crazy creatures) and someone in it says "Never assume it always makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me." http://www.dcuguide.com/Sg/Sg4_003.php
*Um, I hate to tell you this, but I do not think Gorilla Grodd was the first one to say that.
-Ha ha, I know. But it was the first time I saw it. And coming from a giant talking evil gorilla it obviously left an impression. But they did put Super Girl in leather pants some point shortly after that and that was also a good move on Gorilla Grodd's part.
*I have no idea what you're talking about at this point but I'm just going to let it go because you're hot and it's your birthday.
-You'd know what I was talking about if you had read those comics.
*Actually, I have a really bad memory--like, all I can remember from this whole conversation is you saying something about "anal sex" and "leather pants".
-Well then I guess it's time to stop writing and do something else, hmm?
-It's my birthday, I got lots of nice comments from strangers, my family forgot to call me, I went shopping for comic books with Zak Smith/Sabbath and some moron who can't read or was making a stupid assumption wrote me telling me that I'm an "idiot" for apparently using antibiotics improperly.
So, to set that person straight: I do not use antibiotics to treat the common cold or my asthma. I never said that I did. Read what I actually wrote and you'll see that I mentioned I had been on two rounds of antibiotics in the past month without saying what I was being treated for, since I don't always want to tell everyone what exactly is wrong with me. I also mentioned in the same blog that I had recently caught a cold and that cold would take me weeks to recover from. Catching a cold and also having had two separate infections in less than a month does not equal treating my cold with antibiotics. No doctor in their right mind prescribes antibiotics to someone--who's got a compromised immune system to begin with--when there is no reasonable medical reason to. When I have a cold I take vitamin C and drink lots of tea and that's about it. I don't even take cough syrups or pills because as informed as I am about my medical conditions I am aware that one of the most common ingredients in over the counter cough and cold medications is a cough suppressant that interferes with your lungs' natural reaction to a cold and can cause serious asthma attacks, and additionally keeps your body from healing as quickly as it might otherwise. When I have trouble with my asthma I take my prescribed asthma medication and when that doesn't work I go to the emergency room. When I have a bacterial infection like strep throat or a uti or something like an upper respiratory infection or a sinus infection I take my prescribed-by-a-doctor-antibiotics. When I'm in severe pain from endometriosis I take my prescribed-by-a-doctor-painkillers and hormone therapy and had fucking major surgery. Oh, and when I have migraines I take my prescribed migraine medication and I don't use it for earaches or tummy aches or skin rashes. Thanks. I don't need your fucking arrogant and mistaken advice. I fucking know all about being sick and what I should and shouldn't do. And when I have questions I have loads of excellent and caring doctors and better informed friends than you to ask when I need help. Fuck off with your rude comments about how I should take care of myself you ignorant twat.
Oh, and tomorrow I get to go to Disneyland with super hot porn stars and strippers and good friends.
*Um, o...k...were you in Hustler or something lately?
-I have no idea. People keep writing to me and asking me about magazines I've supposedly been in, but no one tells me when these things happen and I never get to see what these people are writing to me about. If any of you know anything about these mysterious appearances of mine in whatever magazines please scan a page or something for me and email it to me so I can see too.
*Yeah, they should do that.
-Indeed. Ugh, so so irritated by that stupid comment about me supposedly using medications improperly...
*Um, so, like, what did you do today?
-I slept in till 3pm then woke up and showered and shaved my head and then I got dressed and talked to my friend Nadia Nitro on the phone for awhile and then I went and put my contacts in and put some make-up on and then Zak and I went to Secret Headquarters and shopped for comic books and then we had dinner at the Brite Spot and then we came home and read comics and are watching Star Trek TNG as we both write stuff using the internet. At some point I plan to have some hot sex. Probably will do that at few times before I go to bed, at least once in the ass. Then more comics or Star Trek then sleep.
*What comic books did you buy?
-We got a Batman and Robin book by Frank Miller with art by Jim Lee, and some Wolverine VS the Hulk comics, and a few Iron Fist and DC Universe The Stories of Alan Moore and a Justice League of America VS the Injustice League of America comic, and an X-Men comic about Nightcrawler and a bunch of Seven Soldiers of Victory comics.
*I heard that everybody hated that Batman and Robin comic--what'd you think?
-I liked it. The art was pretty good and when you have Zak doing all the voices even cheesy dialog is entertaining. Though I don't get why Jimmy Olsen was in it. Jimmy Olsen sucks.
*Gosh gee golly gee willikers Miss Mandy, what's wrong with Jimmy Olsen?
-Yeah....exactly. I don't like virgins in comic books. I did enjoy Batman and Black Canary making out. That was fun to see.
*I would worry that I was fucking Black Canary she might get all excited and sonically scream at me and then I'd be disintegrated...
-Sounds like a good way to go as any.
*Are you going to have anal sex before, during, or after reading all the comics you bought?
-Not during. Before and after would be ideal.
*What's this week's video?
-Can't you see? It's me and Coco Velvett. Not having anal sex. But it was still fun.
*Does it say "Kasimir S. Pulaski Day" on the calendar behind Coco?
-I can't read half the stuff on my calendar because it's also Zak's calendar and I can't read Zak's writing. So, it very well could say that but I can't tell.
*So you have no particular attachment to the Father of The American Cavalry?
-I don't have a particular attachment to any kind of American father. My dad's Canadian.
*It says here that Kasimir (or Kazimierz) Pulaski died after being hit in the groin by a blast of grapeshot. That sounds unpleasant.
-It really does.
*Would you rather die defending the cause of liberty or fucking Black Canary?
-Fucking Black Canary. For sure.
*If someone sent you a Black Canary costume, would you put on that wig you wore when you fucked Alektra Blue and do a scene in it?
-Ha ha ha. OF COURSE! Think DC would be upset?
*I feel like it's hard to defend the copyright on "blonde chick with a black leotard and black fishnets".
-Good point.
*In retaliation, they may make a new supervillainess with pink hair and a leopard-skin belt who corrupts Gotham City by making porn free and then have Black Canary beat her up.
-I'm sure, like, positive that Gotham City already has lots of free porn. Just like I'm positive that I'm not the only one running a free porn site in our universe.
*Did you know you have the same birthday as Nabokov and Shakespeare?
-Yes. And the queen of England too I think. And Shirley Temple.
*Did you ever go to some bar and be all "Hey it's my birthday, free shots!" and see like Nabokov there getting free shots, too?
-No. I haven't done shots in years and years and when I did I didn't need my birthday as an excuse to get free ones. So, no, I've never gotten free shots at a bar with Vladmir Nabokov, although now that I think about it, that'd be pretty cool. Oh, and I am still angry about that dumb comment. (Just in case you were wondering.)
*Well your astrological twin Vladimir Nabokov would handle it by writing a long and witheringly eloquent demolition of his detractor's position and then publishing it in a learned journal. Shirley Temple would probably just say "I'm not gonna worry about that one bit!" and then do a cute dance in funny stockings.
-My reaction was probably somewhere in between. Except instead of a learned journal I have a silly blog (and my writing isn't exactly eloquent) and instead of a cute dance in funny stocking I'll fuck my boyfriend and then have multiple orgasms in my funny stockings.
*I believe that's how the Queen of England handles this sort of situation.
-Heh. Excellent. Now I know why my mum's parents have photos of her all over their house....
*I'm sure that's the reason.
-What else could explain that phenomenon? It all makes so much sense now.
*I wonder how Shakespeare handled his fan mail, like "Dearest Williemme, 'Thee Merrye Wives Of Windsor' was a Very poore effort Indeed and I daresay I found thee handling of the charactre of Mistress Quicklee to be particularly Crude & Altogether Lacklustre!"...
-"A plague on both your houses!"
*Most people who write nasty fan mail don't have two houses. Or one house. They generally live in their parents' basements, is what I am given to understand.
-They should all read more comics, when I was eleven years old I was reading a Super Girl comic (one where Buzz and Gorilla Grodd transform everyone into savage cave-men like crazy creatures) and someone in it says "Never assume it always makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me." http://www.dcuguide.com/Sg/Sg4_003.php
*Um, I hate to tell you this, but I do not think Gorilla Grodd was the first one to say that.
-Ha ha, I know. But it was the first time I saw it. And coming from a giant talking evil gorilla it obviously left an impression. But they did put Super Girl in leather pants some point shortly after that and that was also a good move on Gorilla Grodd's part.
*I have no idea what you're talking about at this point but I'm just going to let it go because you're hot and it's your birthday.
-You'd know what I was talking about if you had read those comics.
*Actually, I have a really bad memory--like, all I can remember from this whole conversation is you saying something about "anal sex" and "leather pants".
-Well then I guess it's time to stop writing and do something else, hmm?
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