Sunday, February 1, 2009

News

When is the next video going up?

-In the next 3 weeks.

What's the matter?

-I have endometriosis and I needed surgery and now I am recovering from surgery and also I am adjusting to new medication.

Does the medication affect how many hot sluts you know?

-No.

So the lack of new videos lately is due entirely to your illness and not to the parlous state of our economy?

-That is, indeed, the truth.

Let us talk of more pleasant things, I heard your movie was up for an AVN award this year...

-Yeah, Hospital was up for "Best DVD Menu" and it didn't win. Is that more pleasant?

Was there anyone shorter than you at AVN?

-I think Joanna Angel is shorter than I am. By just a little. And there was Nick, Justine Joli's little person body guard/friend (is that the correct term, litle person?)

How tall was he?

-Less than four feet, but I'm not really sure. I didn't measure him.

The fat comedian lady who hosted the awards made fun of him.

-Well she wasn't very funny anyway.

She was very fat, though.

-Yes.

And not in a hot way, like April Flores.

-No, not in a hot way, though judging by her jokes, she thinks she is.

Your pal Kimberly Kane won one, and Sasha...

-So I heard, I didn't see them win though I got bored and went to eat bad Vegas Thai food. But I'm glad people I like won stuff.

Did you notice the part where they were announcing the guest hosts but the video monitor over the stage wasn't synched up with the sound so that, like, there'd be a picture of some buff dude in sunglasses and they'd announce 'starring Tera Patrick' or there'd be a photo of Jesse Jane while the voice went "Larry Flynt!"

-Yes and THAT was funny.

How many orgies did you go to?

-None this year--I went to a crazy sex party that was supposed to turn into an orgy and didn't and so it was stupid and I left early.

Man, I hear you! I hate it when parties keep not turning into orgies!

-I know, parties almost always suck unless they turn into orgies. I was way better at making parties fun that one year after high school....Oh well.

You know about the parties-not-turning-into-orgies problems I've been having...

-You've got some serious-ass-parties-not-turning-into-orgies problems!

That's why we have these Precious Roy Party-Into-Orgy kits for only $19.99!

-Oooo what's in the kit?

Just spray this patented Precious Roy formula on a party and everyone who is ugly or who is too boring to want to fuck lots of people falls down, chokes on their own vomit, and flings their own corpse out the window!

-Sounds great so long as they clean up the vomit first.

Precious! What do you have to say about this kit?

-BUY MY ZEBRA LUNCH BOX! SUCKERS!

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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

part into orgy kit classic :D

Rabatz said...

I wish ya best health. stay rude, stay ready!