Mandy Morbid

New Set Coming Soon--Sneak Peak!

2011-09-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

Photography by the lovely and oh-so-easy to pose for Lorelei. http://www.facebook.com/SGLoreleiPhoto

I expect you all to vote for it when it goes up! I'm Adria on SG in case some of you missed that.

That is my bedroom in LA which I very much miss. Homesick.

I'm Not Dead

2011-08-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am sorry about dropping off the face of the planet right after that last post but my health deteriorated so rapidly that I couldn't write or deal with the auction results and soon I was flown back to Canada to try my luck with my homeland's health care system. I am still in Canada and will be for quite awhile and while I have no news to report of my medical condition and I am far from being well I have been assured that I am not in any immediate danger.

Zak is here with me now after a couple months of being separated. The longest time we've been apart since we met over 5 years ago, Drax is staying with my parents in another city until we move into our new place here September 1st. We still have our place in LA and eventually I will have the results of the auction taken care of or will simply re-do the sale if the original bidders are no longer interested, As I am too sick to travel it may take quite a long time--I am sorry.

Also a quick note about my wishlist. Since I have no access at the moment to some of the gifts sent me and most of the return addresses there will also be a significant delay in getting thank you packages sent out--as I also have no access to the dvds and 8X10s and stuff I send out to people who have been generous. However I assure you all that I have not forgotten and all the records have been saved so I can catch up when I have everything sent to me here or I am able to get back to LA.

Thank you all for your continued support!

Mandy's Massive Bra Auction is Over.

2011-05-16T15:00:00.001-07:00

All right--the bra auction is over!
Give me a few hours to post the winners and round up the appropriate info I need to send these off to you boys.

Sold were the Pollyanna, the Jessica, the pink Joli, and the Swamp Witch bras--to the highest bidders.

As for the others--I'll find something worthwhile to do with them.

Mandy's Massive Bra Auction

2011-05-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

So I have some used items that no longer fit me, some barely worn but-worn in photos and sets. Some of the bras are much too used to be really useful to any female interested in a well fitting bra and so are being sold mainly as fetish items, for example I am selling a bra that is a 28FF or 28F I believe, that is so used up and stretched out --had it since I was 19 or 20 years old-- that only someone who really wants a piece of old well loved oddly sized Mandy Morbid lingerie will be interested in purchasing.

Below are the photos and descriptions and sizes of the items I have photos of so far.
All are Freya bras with one exception and all require hand washing in cool water, and hang or lay flat to dry.

Auction will be held in the comments below and bidding will continue for a week. Final price does not include shipping but will include 3 candid pics of me spilling out of the too small bra you've won for your amusement.

Note: These are all old photos--more than a year or so with the exception of the yellow and black nameless one. They fit or mostly did at the time they were photographed but alas no longer.

Red Freya "Rio" bra sz 28F Good condition.

White Freya "Pollyanna Balcony Bra" sz 28G This is my proper size but it's slightly damaged from one accidental machine wash. Hardly worn.

Dark pink Freya "Jolie" sz 28F --as you can see much too small for me but very comfortable. Good condition but has been worn.

Black Freya "Jolie" sz 28F again very comfortable but wrong size for me. (I bought this again in a 28G) Decent condition, has been worn.

Black with blue flower print Freya "Pollyanna" sz 28FF Very well worn and loved.

Black and nude Freya "Lola Plunge Bra " sz 30F Obviously wishful thinking on my part when I bought this. Used mainly for photoshoots. Not worn as an "everyday" bra because it's the wrong size. Good condition.

Black, red, and cream/nude Freya "Jessica Plunge Bra" sz 28F Hardly worn, great condition.

Nude Freya "Active Sports Bra" sz 30DDD (was the closest I have ever come to finding a sports bra in my size--totally doesn't fit at all anymore--cannot squeeze into it.) Great condition. Hardly used.

Black Freya "Antoinette Bra" sz 28F sadly outgrown as all the 28F's are. Great condition.

One of my all time absolute favorites. Had for ages. From an old Freya collection from years ago. I cannot find the name of this item even online. It's 28F or 28FF the tag is very worn. Not sure about parting with this one so it'll only go for a good offer. Yellow with black stripes, little yellow rosette and ribbon detail.

Nude with white raised embroidered floral pattern. Leopard print inside. Victoria Secret sz 34A--was a hand me down. Padded. Worn for my Swamp Witch set for Suicide Girls only.

Fake.

2011-04-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

So really internet? Really?

That isn't me on Deviant Art. I have never had a DA account. Ever. And I don't intend to seeing as how the moderators can't even get off their fat asses to ban the fake who's stealing my shitty quality, trashy cam pics I take for my twitter fans--I'd be the last to claim they were "art".

Kimberly Kane's, Ellen Stagg's, Bob Coulter's photos of me may be art. But not the ones this fake of mine is putting on Deviant Art in my name.

Preview

2011-03-06T00:43:00.000-08:00

So Darren and I shot some photos yesterday. Here's a few out-takes.

That's my neighbour Angela on the floor--she let us use some of her furniture for the shoot.

And that's my interrupting dog Drax the Destroyer.

Madonna's "Human Nature": Deal With It.

2011-02-21T22:13:00.001-08:00

Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]
You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]
You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]
[I'm not apologizing]
[Would it sound better if I were a man?]
[You're the one with the problem]
[Why don't you just deal with it]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]
[Would you like me better if I was?]
[We all feel the same way]
[I have no regrets]
[Just look in the mirror]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]
[I don't have to justify anything]
[I'm just like you]
[Why should I be?]
[Deal with it]

Hell Hath No Fury

2011-02-16T22:38:00.000-08:00

So this has been happening.

(Greg)173. Because the real question was, why would a woman be attracted to an image if it debases her. My point was that it is because she drinks the kool-aid. With a man, the image doesn't give him the message that he is only a sexual object because it is drowned by the images around it. There is no kool-aid to drink. No man looks at our culture and says "wow, we really only value men for their sexual physique". Unless he is retarded.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Who do you think you are to decide what images are quote-unquote debasing to women? Only women themselves have the right to decide that and only on a individual, personal, subjective level based on personal taste which may have nothing to do with feminism and/or sexism. Images you'd like to judge as debasing others might find empowering and arousing or amusing or simply visually pleasant and all sorts of things I bet you can't even imagine, they may hate it for all sorts of reasons you aren't able to take into consideration either. You can't generalize what's appropriate/harmful or not for ALL women--YOU--GREG can't certainly because you are A) male and B) No one ever should. In any context. Because that would be pure sexism.

This however: "...because she drinks the kool-aid." is debasing.

It is debasing because it implies--explicitly--that any woman who doesn't find it debasing is too stupid or brainwashed to realize the impact of all the suggestions and blah blah blah the culture, society, the media, has had on her, so she doesn't reject it but instead internalizes it. But many, many very smart women see those images and enjoy them or ignore them or have any mix of reactions to them and SIMULTANEOUSLY reject all the crap our culture tells them about their worth and value as human begins and as sexual beings and come to their own healthy-happy conclusions based on their own experiences, personality, biology, observations etc etc. Not the conclusions of anyone else, and certainly not the conclusions of what some dude on the internet thinks is the academic-acceptable-non-harmful-mainstream conclusion.

Also how dumb do you think females are Greg? I don't know many who see a picture and think the message they are getting is "Oh that's telling me--more than anything else I should notice in this picture--I'm only worthy as an object of sexual desire". Give us some fucking credit--it's 2011--time for a bit of an outlook update perhaps?

Bottom line is everyone and obviously men included must learn that women themselves--every single one of us--has to come to her own conclusions about what she finds harmful to her psychology and her self-image regardless of what images or media or cultural pressure she is presented with or stumbles across during her life--she can resent that stuff, or ignore it, or try to teach other people to disregard it and evolve beyond it but in the end she'll have to face the fact that she has a body--a body that has historically been controversial and more often than not put her in a position of disadvantage--it is a body that IS different and not the same as men's or as other women's--simple fact of life. Women and men both need to get over this stupid fear of woman's physicality and sexuality and it's manufactured Victorian dangers to individual and society's "long term" health, happiness and stability. It's a fallacy more damaging than some sexy pictures somewhere ever could be.

Ugh I don't don't even know if this rant makes sense anymore. Ah! a body that looks fake! Run! Hide your daughters eyes! Shame your sons for looking! It's unnatural! (Only it isn't.)

Getting Ready for a Photoshoot: Soundtrack

2011-01-23T14:27:00.000-08:00

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have--

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls-- they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls--they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun...

-Cyndi Lauper "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

(Fallon, Gaster, Maines, Sult)
My father was Black, my mother was Decker
Believe me my friend, it doesn't get any better
Than rack and pinion reasoning, add a little seasoning
Cook at ninety eight point six degrees
Let me be the bull, and you be the pen
Such an easy way to glorify sin
If I am a horse, you're a Venus in spurs
Everything I have is yours, so take it
I come fully loaded with an option to buy

I've got a stick shift disposition and a four wheel mind
I'll give you endless mileage and unlimited speed
Total satisfaction absolutely guaranteed
Turbo boost libido and passive restraints
And as of yet I haven't heard even a single complaint
I've got the tools of the trade and a fuel injected heart
Efficiency is beautiful, efficiency is art

-Clutch "Passive Restraints"

Last night a little dancer came dancin' to my door
Last night a little angel Came pumpin cross my floor
She said "Come on baby I got a licence for love
And if it expires pray help from above"

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midniight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"
More, more, more.

She don't like slavery, she won't sit and beg
But when I'm tired and lonely she sees me to bed
What set you free and brought you to be me babe
What set you free I need you hear by me
Because

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midniight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"

He lives in his own heaven
Collects it to go from the seven eleven
Well he's out all night to collect a fare
Just so long, just so long it don't mess up his hair.

I walked the ward with you, babe
A thousand miles with you
I dried your tears of pain, babe
A million times for you

I'd sell my soul for you babe
For money to burn with you
I'd give you all, and have none, babe
Just, just, justa, justa to have you here by me
Because

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midniight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried "more, more, more"
More, more, more.

Oh yeah little baby
she want more
More, more, more, more, more.

Oh yeah little baby
she want more
More, more, more, more.

-Billy Idol "Rebel Yell"

She gave you everything she had
But she was young and dumb
She'd just turned 21
She didn't care to hang around
So when the shit came down why she was nowhere to be found
This life can turn a good girl bad
She was the sweetest thing that you had ever seen

You're so such a delicate boy
In the hysterical realm
Of an emotional landslide
In physical terms

With your cherry lips and golden curls
You could make grown men gasp when you go walking past
And in your hot pants and high heels
They could not believe that such a body was for real
It seemed like rainbows would appear
Whenever you came near the clouds would disappear
Because you looked just like a girl
Your baby blues would flash and suddenly a spell was cast

You're so such a delicate boy
In the hysterical realm
Of an emotional landslide
In physical terms

You hold a candle in your heart
You shine the light on hidden parts
You make the whole world wanna dance
You bought yourself a second chance

Go baby go go
We're right behind you
Go baby go go
Yeah, we're looking at you
Go baby go go
Oh ,we're right behind you
Go baby go baby
Yeah, we're right behind you
Go baby go baby
Oh, we're right behind you
Go baby go baby
Yeah, we're looking at you
Go baby go baby
Oh, we're right behind you
Go baby go baby
Yeah, we're looking at you

You hold a candle in your heart
Go baby go go
You shine the light on hidden parts
Go baby go go
You make the whole world wanna dance
Go baby go go
You bought yourself a second chance
Go baby go baby go
Delicate boy
Go baby go baby go
In the hysterical realm
Go baby go baby go
Of an emotional landslide
Go baby go baby go
In physical terms
Go baby go go
Go

Yeah, we're looking at you
Go baby go go
Oh, we're right behind you

-Garbage "Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go)"

Nightclubbing we're nightclubbing
We're what's happening
Nightclubbing we're nightclubbing
We're an ice machine
We see people brand new people
They're something to see
When we're nightclubbing
Bright-white clubbing
Oh isn't it wild
Nightclubbing we're nightclubbing
We're walking through town
Nightclubbing we're nightclubbing
We walk like a ghost
We learn dances brand new dances
Like the nuclear bomb
When we're nightclubbing
Bright white clubbing
Oh isn't it wild...

-Iggy Pop "Night Clubbing"

Shooting a multi for Suicide Girls tonight with the fantastic Sawa and Ginary. So I'm getting myself all prettied up. Maybe sneak peaks to come.

Old Interview

2011-01-18T16:04:00.000-08:00

So, Mandy, what’s your deal? Can you give us your basic info: stats, age, etc, for the n00bs in our readership?

-I'm 25 years old, born and half raised in Montreal, half in Ottawa, five feet tall, I have one blue eye and one green eye, my waist is about 24 inches, hips 32, bra size is 28 FF or 28 G/H depending on what time of the month it is, style, and amount of cleavage desired. My tits are real, I grew 'em myself. I weigh approximately 96 lbs and my shoe size is a women's 4 (kid's size 2). I usually have pink or blond hair but also sometimes a light green/aqua colour I really like, and I have a couple facial piercings and a bunch of tattoos all over. And yes, those are TIE fighters on my right thigh.

How’d you get into this biz and why did you decide to go the alt porn, rather than mainstream, route? Are you just not down with the aesthetics of mainstream, super-plastic porn, or is it more than that?

-I started modeling for Suicide Girls in 2006 and then I met some people involved in the "alt porn scene" and since I had wanted to do porn all along it eventually just worked out. I generally don't enjoy "alt porn" or "mainstream porn". I pretty much only like very well animated Japanese tentacle rape porn. I get asked to be in movies that are considered "alt" because I have tattoos and a shaved head and I don't tan (and the people making "alt" porn are the people I know-- so far). I'm interested in having sex mostly and don't care too much about the labels. I do however prefer to be involved in porn where I trust the director and other performers and admire their ability to create something genuinely erotic, like Kimberly Kane's movies.

Speaking of aesthetics, you have a look all your own paired with a sweet ass and a gigundo set of jaw-dropping, all-natural boobies. You’ve been blessed, but what do you say to chicks with littler boobs who want augmentation for the industry? Did you just get lucky, or are you anti-plastic?
-I like boobs. Small or large. Natural or not. I don't like bad boob jobs of course--they make me sad, but when it's done right augmentations can be wonderful. I have girlfriends with really great boob jobs and girlfriends with itty bitty titties and I truly enjoy both. Small boobs always seem extra feminine, youthful, and fashionable to me probably because I've always had my oversized womanly ones. I did get lucky with them though and I do love them!

-As for getting implants solely for work in the industry--I think that's a matter of personal values. The women I know with augmentations are very happy and don't regret the modification at all. The girls with smaller natural breasts seem pleased with them and say they would never change them. A choice is a choice regardless of what the motivation is and when it comes to other people's bodies it's a choice that's none of my business.

Speaking of plastic, you’ve earned yourself a reputation as the live-action hentai tentacle rape scene girl, so we guess you can’t be too anti-plastic. Or were those tentacles rubber?

-The tentacles were constructed out of armature wire, rolls of black cloth, dildos on the ends of some, and lots and lots of black condoms. The body/head of the monster was made of out bits of Halloween masks, mainly a big skull. And lots of spit and lube. I am currently planning the next one, must improve on the first try.

I would venture to say that tentacle porn is bordering on performance art. What’s your take on the intersection of pornography and art? Are they the same thing? Can they be? Will they ever be?
-There are a lot of similarities between the adult industry and the fine art industry, a lot of capitalistic, exploitative, sucking similarities. Of course sometimes they end up being the same thing but that's all relative and subjective. I know pornographers who I believe are genuinely artists and their work is both erotic/pornographic and artistic. Bob Coulter's photographs and Kimberly Kane's films are examples of that.

So we’ve gotta ask… What do you think of the upcoming Hustler porn parody of Avatar? Blue people fucking seems kind of up your tentacle and hentai alley. Are you excited?
-Not excited at all, I don't watch porn that isn't anime--monster--raping--schoolgirl or that I'm not in (because I like seeing myself fuck). Never saw Avatar. Looked really stupid to me in the previews. I'm all for strangely coloured people though. I'm a huge Star Trek fan and my friends were in both the Star Trek parodies and I didn't even watch those. I'm not into watching real people fuck. Why would I when I could be doing the fucking myself?

You have asthma so serious you need to use a nebulizer and sometimes a gas mask in places where people smoke. And you’ve also got rheumatoid arthritis, which cuts down seriously on energy. And a bunch of other conditions I don’t even know about. Yet your line of work would seem to be one that takes a heavy toll on the body. What do you do to keep yourself healthy and energized?

-I do have a lot of chronic (and some serious) medical conditions, Zak Smith/ Sabbath (my boyfriend) has a list of them tattooed on his forearm.

(And it's a respirator with hepa filters, not a gas mask even though it really does looks like a gas mask.)

I try to eat healthy and take my medications properly and regularly. I see my doctors often to keep on top of everything. I try to go to the gym or exercise a few times a week if I'm not too sick. Lots and lots of vitamins, lots of rest and sleep, I very rarely drink alcohol or coffee and I've never been able to indulge in recreational drug use, I'm even allergic to weed...that sort of thing. What you would expect I imagine.

But lately I really haven't been feeling healthy or energized (just had a nasty asthma attack--again) and it's very difficult because I'd really like to work and perform much more often than I am able to. I simply just don't have the physical constitution and stamina to be anything more than a very part-time performer. My body is extremely unreliable and it's frustrating.

We hear you had surgery last year. Care to share any details?

-I have no problem sharing details, but they can be technical and kind of icky...anyway I did have surgery last year for a disease called Endometriosis.

Endometriosis is gross to explain but it basically causes cysts, lesions, scarring and internal bleeding most often around the outside of the uterus and ovaries and the surrounding organs. The scarring can fuse organs together into positions and/or places they shouldn't be in which obviously would impair those organ's ability to function properly. It is extremely painful, especially during sex, ovulation, menstruation, exercise, etc, etc. It has also been linked to infertility.

I had had symptoms of the condition and been diagnosed with chronic ovarian cysts--which would grow for months until they were huge and then burst forcing me to rush to the emergency room--since I was in high school but the condition had worsened so much since then that it was ruining my life--I couldn't function, so I went in for laparoscopic surgery.

Laparoscopic surgery is considered minor surgery--they go in with a small tube with a camera on it to look around and find the disease and when they find it--they laser it away. I had a "significant" amount of disease they zapped and I was shown some interesting pictures of my "before and after" cauterized insides. I went home the same day but it took a few months to really feel healed.

Following the surgery I also went through a six month artificially induced menopause--they gave me a medication that shut down my reproductive system completely-- because it's the hormones that cause the disease to grow. For some people the treatments reduce your sex drive, but not in my case.

The disease is under much better control and my quality of life has improved considerably. That surgery basically changed my life.

We hope you’re feeling better! We need more movies from Mandy, like Mandy Candy, which I’m actually trying to get my hands on for reviewing purposes… Could you help me out with that? *wink wink*

- I'll see what I can do--I only have a couple copies myself. And thank you, I am feeling better despite my recent asthma troubles!

Speaking of your vids, GoodVibes named February “National G-Spot Month.” I say fuck yeah! But there are a lot of haters out there in the scientific community that are still arguing about whether the G-Spot even exists. What do you make of this whole controversy?

- When I'm finished with medical school I'll get back to you on that one...Um. Ok. I suspect like the size of boobs and the shape and size of labia and stuff the tissue identified as the G-spot varies wildly in size and mass and so that may be why there's so much controversy about the objective evidence of it's actual existence. I know MY vagina and uterus are tilted at an odd angle (because my gynecologists are always confused when they first examine me, and then they say "hey, your vagina and uterus are tilted up funny, I had a hard time finding your cervix.") and so if I have a G-spot I think it's especially difficult to get at. There are some positions associated with G-spot pleasure that just don't work for me 'cause of the way my insides tilt. So I can't say for sure that I can feel mine, and many women probably have something similar going on. There are all sorts of strange things about the body no one understands and even doctors and scientists can't explain yet--they are actually pretty limited in their knowledge about the human body still I think. This is just another one of those things. I'm not especially concerned with the G-spot since whatever it is I'm doing when I'm fucking it feels good, and that's all that matters.

I feel like scientists saying there’s no G-Spot is like the Disneyfication of the female body—trying to clean them up and make them less sexual. But then again, I love Disney movies and I hear you do, too. I’ve always had a thing for the villainesses, myself. Have you heard about Tim Burton’s plan to make a “Wicked” style movie from the point of view of Maleficent, the villainess from Sleeping Beauty? What do you think? Good idea or bad idea?

I hadn't heard about that yet, but if it's true I'm all for it! I do love fairy tales, especially the archaic, pagan, creepy parts of them and I think modern fairy tales have been too cleaned up from their--what now seems--bizarre origins. "Wicked" is one of my favorite books, but I refuse to see the musical version, it's seems a travesty. I'm also looking forward to the new Alice in Wonderland movie and I adored Amercian Mcgee's Alice video game. So yeah, good idea.

I read on your blog that you hate Vegas, which would make sense given your anarchist/socialist (Canadian-born!) leanings. Vegas is a place where capitalism runs rampant and squishes the souls of mortals. How does someone like you, with ideology that runs so counter to capitalism, make of the porn industry, where cash is king?

- I think lots of sex is a really good thing. Just like I think good art (the art I like) is a good thing and should exist. Unfortunately there is a terrible soul sucking economic system set up around both these things and to be involved in either industry you have to tolerate and navigate through it. My website is free and so at least with that I could avoid some of the whoring and show that sex and porn can just be done for fun and enjoyment and not solely for profit. Even "Mandy Candy" was done on a very small budget and the whole point was to make something "good" and have fun creating it--not just to get a paycheck. But it is work, and as a performer you are a commodity and you want some compensation and acknowledgment. To eat and pay my rent I need to get paid so I can't simply remove myself from the system and survive. It's not ideal, but you just have to live with it and do your best to do what you want your way in spite of it.

I guess part of your response to capitalism is in your website, which has free content. Free smut for the masses is quite humanitarian of you, and we here at WHACK! appreciate it. But, I have to ask, how do you make a living? Especially with your medical costs, it can’t be easy.
-It’s hard to support yourself in porn unless you’re willing to take almost every job that comes along, and I don’t. But I strip, I model, I do ok. Zak and I try to live modestly and spend most of our money on my medical stuff and travel when we can. We don't have a car or insurance or buy fancy clothes or furniture or drugs or whatever it is people spend money on. Being thrifty and punk about it I guess. I'm quite content in my one room apartment with my old video games.
You’ve said in interviews that you think women who are outside the sex industry and who like porn should speak up—do you think their way of speaking up is through watching websites like yours? Do you see the market for alt and queer and female-driven porn expanding? Is the economy hurting your part of the industry?
The economy is hurting everything everywhere as far as I can tell, listening to NPR news and seeing for myself how the porn world is struggling. The internet is really changing the porn industry too. I don't know about the market expanding--but I do think porn has become much more mainstream in general and young people, male and female alike, have different ideas about what's acceptable and normal--websites like Suicide Girls and such seem to have contributed to more "open" attitudes about sexuality and feminism--I don't know about my site. I hope it's doing something similar, although I'm sure my audience is a bit different because my site isn't "softcore" and is less interactive (which I would like to change). My audience is probably much smaller too, and less likely to speak up or respond openly because it's still PORN and the stigmas and barriers haven't completely evaporated yet. (And some of those barriers shouldn't go away, really.)
Do you identify more as straight, gay, or bi?

-I'm definitely bisexual but I also definitely like the cock a whole lot. I'm more on the straight side of the spectrum, without a doubt. But a hot girl nevertheless will turn me on and make me want to suck on her tits (among other things). I do think it's really a lot of fun to make a girl cum. But to be fully satisfied I need a real, living, warm, cock to fuck me.

Ok, lastly: any projects or websites or movies or projects you want to tell our cultured degenerate readership about? What's next for Mandy Morbid?

-We are working on a web-show called "I Hit It With My Axe" for the Escapist.com about us: me, Zak Sabbath, Kimberly Kane, Satine Pheonix, a stripper named Connie, a hair stylist named Frankie, and guest stars--we had Justine Joli (who wants to be a regular) and Sasha Grey (who wants to be a dungeon master) join us already, playing Dungeons and Dragons. We had all been playing for a few months in real life regularly and we all love it, and we're sort of breaking "girl gamer" and "porn star" stereotypes (or possibly reinforcing some) which is kind of an interesting concept, and the Escapist thought so too. Girls who get naked and do sex stuff publicly plus Dungeons and Dragons is gotta be like the Internet sweet spot! It's gonna be pretty entertaining I think.

I'm also completely changing my website. But into what is still being worked out.

And as always I'm modeling for Stagg Street.com (recently shot with Justine Joli and Charlotte Stokely), Crazybabe.com and of course my beloved Suicidegirls.com (where you can find me as "Adria").

Sex Is Not The Enemy

2011-01-16T02:30:00.000-08:00

"Sex Is Not The Enemy"
-Garbage

No evolution
Sometimes it depresses me
The same old same
We keep repeating history
The institution curses curiosity
It's our conviction
Sex is not the enemy

A revolution
Is the solution
A revolution
Is the solution

I don't feel guilty
No matter what they're telling me
I won't feel dirty and buy into their misery
I won't be shamed cause I believe that love is free
It fuels the heart and sex is not my enemy

A revolution
Is the solution
A revolution
Is the solution

True love is like gold
There's not enough to go around
But then there's god and doesn't god love everyone?
Give me a choice
Give me a chance to turn the key and find my voice
Sex is not the enemy

A revolution
Is the solution
A revolution
Is the solution
Sex is not the enemy
A revolution

In other news I've started camming on streamate.com look for my name and you'll find my profile. Having a blast so far! Check up on my twitter or facebook because I'll be posting when I'm planning on going online.

Very Random Photo Update

2011-01-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

2011-01-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

Play report of my first two times DMing D&D games!
Happy New Year!

December Boobs

2010-12-22T16:48:00.000-08:00

Swamp Witch

2010-10-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

That's a preview of my latest set for Suicide Girls. To view (and vote for) the full set check out my profile as "Adria" on SuicideGirls.com. Shot by the very talented Sawa, who was the lead singer of Watch Me Burn--some of you may remember them from my old website's vids as they most often provided back round music.

2010-10-02T17:29:00.000-07:00

What's up Mandy?

- I just shot a set with my friend Sarah. (She's Sawa on Suicide Girls.)

Oh yeah? What was it like?

-It was all creamy and sun dappled and autumnal. I had nice shoes on.

Autumnal with tits or autumnal without tits?

-With tits of course!

What do you think do you this economy?

-It sucks. That's what I think.

According to economists we are technically no longer in a recession.

-Oh really? Tell that to the strippers.

I will gladly tell that to the strippers--bring them over here and I will tell them.

-They will rejoice....eventually....whenever it is they can tell we're no longer in a recession. I doubt it will be soon.

What else is going on Mandy?

-I'm flying to NYC the day after tomorrow. For an art show opening and some photoshoots and hopefully D&D with the "Yale friends".

Do they all talk about nuclear physics and rocket science?

-No they talk/argue about art a lot. And laugh at seemingly mundane things which are actually crazy insane things but most people don't notice or care.

What's an argument about art that they've had?

-It's usually someone says they like some artist's work and then someone else says that's weird and stupid and "why".

Are they witty and urbane like Stewie and Brian on Family Guy?

-Yes--they are like that.

So you wanna hang out with a talking dog and a baby with a football for a head?

-Wouldn't you?

If you had to go out with Brian or Stewie which one would you go out with?

-Ew....Brain 'cause he's not gay and I like guys who will fuck me.

So you would have sex with a dog rather than a person?

No. Brian isn't a real dog he's a cartoon. The other choice is a baby who's gay. Really?

I think Stewie is bi, or what they call in psychology polymorphous perverse.

-Bi? Oh well then Stewie obviously. 'Cause he's not an alcoholic dog and I prefer sober creatures most of the time.

What about Peter?

-Nope. Gross.

What if it was the law, like Barack Obama said "Mandy must have sex with Peter Griffin. This will benefit all Americans, not merely the wealthiest among us"?

-Seeing as how I'm not American I don't give a fuck about what Obama thinks will benefit all Americans...if he's talking about having sex with an obese, lewd, immature, idiotic cartoon man.

What if he said that if you don't the terrorist win?

-I don't think anyone even knows what that would mean---not even the terrorists. Besides, those terrorists don't hate Canadians as much.

Well of course not they don't have as many freedoms and terrorists hate freedoms.

-I think Canadians have more freedom in many ways due to societal infrastructure and stuff, but hey if they think we have less hateful freedoms then maybe we'll get along better.

Yeah you should probably keep pretending that you have less freedoms.

-Yup. Hey did you know everyone I know got pets this year? EVERYONE. And two of my friends got engaged as well. Weird, everyone is growing up or something.

Pets hate our freedoms.

-How so?

They're all like "Oh you can't go out 'cause you have to take care of me tonight." "Oh you gotta go to work so you can afford to buy me food." "Hey stop doing that and take me to have my worms removed.""Hey stop having sex 'cause I'm watching and I'm a dog and it's weird."

-I don't really care if my dog is around when I'm having sex. He's just a dog he doesn't care.

He hates your freedoms that's the important part. Plus what if your dog was Brian from Family Guy?

-Do you think Brian hates your freedoms?

Maybe, he's racist.

-Oh yeah I forgot about that---now I really don't want to fuck him.
Ok people who read my blog--I want to know if any of you have read the article about feminism in the latest issue of Harper's. (Well I think it's latest issues--it's in the other room--'cause it's the last one mailed to me.) If so, what did you think? I was slightly offended by it--but I'm not going to write much about that now.

Have you ever read anything else Susan Faludi?

-I don't know. I should pay more attention to who's writing what I read I suppose.

I liked her book Backlash. She provided a lot of evidence to back up what she was saying with things like, about how TV networks pulled shows that were doing well off the air just because the female characters made the execs uncomfortable. There were detailed interviews of facts and shit. What was the thing you read about?

-I actually really liked most of the content of the article which is about the division in feminist theories between 2ond wave and 3rd wave and "new" wave feminism and about materialism and capitalism and there's some brief history of feminism in there as well. What I didn't like was how at the end she seemed emotional and condescending. It got a bit too personal.

Well you know how women are.

-Yeah unfortunately I do.

So what did she say exactly that bothered you?

-She seems to think that young feminists and their ideas and means of expressing themselves are "infantile" and "weightless" and "ahistorical"and essentially frivolous and useless. Which I think is kind of silly and dismissive and condescending.

So basically she's accusing younger feminists of being exactly what sexist men think women are like?

-Hmm. I don't know if I'd put it that way.

Well that is what they'd say. She sounds like she's just being like "Hey kids get off my lawn."

-That's what the article is about though, this schism in feminism.

And she joins in.

-Yes and the end of the article she does.

So she's describing a problem of which she is a part?

-Yes. That's what I meant when I said it got too personal. She made her own feelings on the subject obvious.

You should invite her over so you could talk about it.

-I doubt she'd want to talk to me.

Why not?

-I'm not an academic for one thing, I'm not educated (well traditionally), I'm not a writer, I'm not involved in any feminist organizations, and I'm a nude model, stripper (sometimes) and I've done some porn. I'm 26. I'm the last kind of female she'd want to discuss this with.

Oh well.

-Yeah my loss really.

Sneak Peek!

2010-09-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

Shot by Steve Prue this afternoon in a Billy Antiseptic piece.
http://www.antisepticfashion.com
http://teamrockstarimages.com

2010-09-25T01:01:00.000-07:00

Becoming increasingly sensitive and irritated by everything. The weather, Hollywood noise and stench, my own body, other people's bodies and the mindless prattle they endlessly spew. Cannot wait to get away for awhile. Cannot wait to feel a real season again. Want to spend some time around quiet, reserved, polite people. Want some winter to burn up this energy and chill my senses. Homesick just a bit, eh?

Either that or I'm desperately in need of some really wild sex. Preferably with multiple attractive partners. In the snow. No virgins allowed. Condoms a must.

It's probably a mix of homesickness and lack of crazy orgies.

Suppose I could find a way to fix this, what do you all think?

Update

2010-09-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

I got a dog three weeks ago. His name is Drax the Destroyer. He's 9 or 10 years old. Can't tell what breed. I shot with Ellen Stagg a week or two ago and she snapped this pic of us. The pics I saw looked fantastic and I'm excited to see the results. I hadn't modeled in quite awhile!

Zak and I are getting ready to head to NYC for his show, which opens Oct 7th at Fredericks and Freiser Gallery. I am very eager to get out of LA for awhile.

Last weekend Keith Baker (creator of Eberron) came and ran an adventure for us (Satine, Connie, Zak, me and our friend Darren--who's a camera man for IHIWMA) which was lots of fun.

I'm reading Sartre essays on art and music, finished reading Plagues and Peoples--loved it, watching All Creatures Great & Small (oh, childhood), saw a documentary about Harlan County, Lust Caution, Mongol, Warlords, Being John Malkovich, and some other stuff. Mongol was excellent, Lust Caution was disappointing.

Not much else is new. Same old. Struggling with illness and itching to travel.

Hot.

2010-09-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

"This must be our task
In Heav'n, this our delight; how wearisome
Eternity so spent in worship paid
To whom we hate. Let us not then pursue
By force impossible, by leave obtain'd
Unacceptable, though in Heav'n, our state
Of splendid vassalage, but rather seek
Our own good from ourselves, and from our own
Live to ourselves, though in this vast recess,
Free, and to none accountable, preferring
Hard liberty before the easy yoke
Or servile Pomp. Our greatness will appear
Then most conspicuous when great things of small,
Useful of hurtful, prosperous of adverse,
We can create, and in what place soe'er
Thrive under evil, and work ease out of pain
Through labour and endurance. This deep world
Of darkness do we dread? How oft amidst
Thick clouds and dark doth Heaven's all-ruling Sire
Choose to reside, his glory unobscured,
And with the majesty of darkness round
Covers his throne, from whence deep thunders roar.
Mustering their rage, and Heaven resembles Hell!"

This makes me want to fuck.
I don't know why.

Also this:

Copy Cat ( Thank You)

2010-08-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

This is from Zak's blog Playing D&D With Porn Stars I felt I should re-post it here as well since it pretty much sums up my own feelings on the subject.

Thank You For Not Being Ignorant Assholes

First, I'd like to note that the show is doing really well and so for those of you who watch it, thanks. The rest of this is for everybody whether or not you watch it:

Even though it has little to do with the bottom line, once in awhile the pyrotechnic display of bigotry, sexism, self-righteousness and can't-be-bothered-to-google-ignorance that I periodically get in my inbox in response to this TV show that the Escapist pays us to make about our game kind of makes me despair for humankind. I don't mean that as an exaggeration I mean it literally. No matter how many nice letters and traffic bonus checks you get, there's only so many times you can read "Wyverns can't talk, you and your stupid tattood whores don't know shit about D&D stop posing" before you honestly start thinking: "What's the point? What's the point of ever trying to talk to anyone you don't already know? People seem to go out of their way to misunderstand and score snark points off everything you say. Why not just hang out here in my apartment in Hollywood with my stripper friends, making paintings and doing cool Hollywood things and play our game and forget about all these stupid nerds and their stupid nerd hobby?"

This line of thinking, however, only goes so far before I remember you guys and I remember the fact that pretty much everybody who reads and writes to D&D With Porn Stars only says things that seem sane and smart and recognizably human and there's almost no obscure topic I can talk about--game-related or otherwise--that somebody out there doesn't seem to know something interesting about and I just want you all to know that I appreciate that. When I start thinking that there's just no way to make yourself understood about anything even slightly out of the ordinary unless you're standing right in front of people I remember how many people have--for whatever reason--ended up on this site and started reading and then thought "Hey, this porn actor actually sounds like he knows what he's talking about" and although I regret that I live in a world where you actually have to thank people and be surprised when people don't act like assholes I just want you all to know that I know and appreciate the fact that y'all are smart and don't act like assholes.

And I appreciate how rare and nice that is and the girls do too and if it weren't true I wouldn't keep doing this.

Episode 24: Politics, Shopping and Intermediate Demonology

2010-08-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

No Makeup Sunday

2010-08-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

I heart ....

2010-08-13T17:57:00.000-07:00

Grognard

2010-08-10T14:45:00.001-07:00

Me-New Dice-Butt

2010-08-07T14:27:00.000-07:00

Monday morning.

2010-07-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

2010-07-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

What's up Mandy?

- Um. I don't know. So much has happened since we last did one of these.

What did you do since last we talked to you Mandy?

- Started moving into a new apartment, almost finished an application for university, decided I will get a Scottish Terrier--a rescue and preferably an older dog not a puppy, Vivid stayed with us for a week, played D&D, that sort of thing.

Did Viv play D&D?

- Yup.

What kind of character did Viv play?

- She was an elf thief.

What's your major gonna be?

- Specialization in Psychology (Behavioural Neuroscience).

Why that?

- Because I've done far more informal research on the subject than anyone without a degree should ever be asked to, and I used to work with developmentally delayed children with autism and cerebral palsy and so how the brain works and how people behave especially when the behaviour is abnormal is very interesting to me.

I see. I saw on Twitter that you also played D&D with Stoya.

- Yes we did.

What's she like?

- She's quiet. And a hippie. She played an elf druid. There was a nice mini. I think she enjoyed playing.

Did you do anything else while Viv and Stoya were in town?

-Stoya was only here for a day but Viv was here for two weeks. We went to a 4th of July party at SG Chloe's which was a lot of fun. Here is a picture from it. I am making the most hideous kiss face ever but it's funny. The kiddie pool was shaped like a shark and they actually boiled pots and pots of water to keep us warm in there.

-We also played mini golf with Zak, Kimberly, and Denis. Viv made Zak and I go see Steel Panther which was hilariously, shockingly awful and lewd. Chloe and Connie/SG Starla also were there on Steel Panther night.

What's Steel Panther?

- Steel Panther is a hair metal cover band. Apparently they've been playing every Monday night in LA for at least six years.

And they suck?

- How could they not?

Well, if by cover band you meant not a cover band and if by hair metal you meant definitely non-hair metal then they could be good.

-Ok...well I meant hair metal cover band.

Oh well then I guess in that case you're right. It confuses me that the pool was shaped like a shark.

- They make kiddie pools in all sorts of shapes now.

Yeah but how is a shark wide enough to fit people in it? Plus, sharks go into water, water doesn't go into sharks.

- I was gonna post a photo to explain it to you but a quick google search yielded no results. It's a fat shark and it's made of plastic so water can go in it, ok?

That doesn't sound very frightening to me.

- Who said we were frightened?

What's the point of having a shark if it's not scary?

- I dunno. You know what was scary--a month ago when I was in Montreal with my sister we watched Finding Nemoy for the first time--holy crap some of the stuff in that movie is disturbing. Fucking barracuda is terrifying. When I was kid the Red Bull in The Last Unicorn was bad enough, barracudas and blue whales are way more scary. (However, I did get to watch The Exorcist when I was eight so maybe barracudas are not as scary as possession.)

I had a roommate who was scared of Gene Simmons.

- Ok. Was it funny?

Yes, I used to ask him stuff like, he'd see a rat: what would rather was in the apartment--that rat or Gene Simmons? Or, Robert Bourk would be on the news and I'd say: who would you rather have over--Robert Bourk or Gene Simmons?

-What'd he say?

He'd say something like: well at least with Robert Bourk or a mouse I'd know how to get rid of him.

- And not Gene Simmons?

Have you ever seen anyone get rid of Gene Simmons?

- Um. I don't I've ever seen Gene Simmons. Or Robert Bourk.

You haven't seen him in real life but you've seen pictures and interviews. Anyway you've never seen anyone get rid of him--that's my point.

- Why not just tell him "thanks for the interview." Then he'd go away. Isn't that what happens on the YouTube videos?

No I think after you turn off the cameras he sticks around and pretends to sacrifice chickens. Well, that's what I've heard.

- I think everyone I know would find that amusing.

Why they don't like chickens?

- They like to eat chickens mostly.

A Dire Situation

2010-07-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Blindheim!

2010-07-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Wait for it on I Hit It With My Axe.

Captain Canuck says Happy 4th!

2010-07-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July from Mandy and Captain Canuck.

More of Bob Coulter's Genius

2010-06-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

Someone wrote me asking for an explicit photo:

Someone asked how I apply lipstick with my lipring, here is a tutorial video:

Ambush at the River of Unfathomable Despair

2010-06-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

Can't wait for next week's episode to go up!

Some Recent Webcam Pics

2010-06-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

Bob Coulter Is A Genius

2010-06-19T02:42:00.000-07:00

Here's another shot Bob got last month when I was in NYC.
Be sure to check out Crazybabe.com for more of Bob's truly amazing work (and there's lot and lots of very lewd photos of me too!)

Thinking up some goodies to treat you all with this summer if I can manage to sneak 'em past my various illnesses.

Ballons, Bacon and Beetles.

2010-06-17T18:22:00.000-07:00

2010-06-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

-So what's up Mandy?

Not much I just got home--back to L.A--yesterday. Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the idea of unpacking.

-From where?

I went to Ohio for a weekend, then New York for not quite a week, then Montreal for two weeks.

-What'd you do in Ohio?

I went shopping at the really great Medina Antique Mall. I want to go back. I also spent a lot of time in the hotel's pool. Oh, and most importantly I fucked a really really hot (and sweet) girl who had boobs like me.

-Was it for a movie, can we see it?

Nope. Not for a movie. Just for me and her. No photos or video exist of the encounter.

-So, it's safe to assume you're just lying in order to fool us into thinking you're exciting and sexy right?

Hey if you want to believe that go ahead, but she reads my blog and I think she'd appreciate the mention.

-Ok. What did you get at the antique mall?

I got a kitten the squeaks for Connie and Frankie because they like kittens. I got a vintage baby blue ball gown, probably made from anywhere between 1940-1960's but no tag or brand or tailor mark anywhere on it to look up to see exactly when it was made/what it is. Zak got a 1950's art deco whiskey bottle shaped like a penguin with a clear stomach you can see the liquid in which is speckled Pollock style in gold. It plays "How Dry I Am" when you lift it off the shelf. I nearly got a lovely pair of dark gray ladies' driving gloves and wish I hadn't of decided against them now.

-Wait a second, Zak was there?

Zak is always there.

-Why didn't he take pictures of you fucking this girl so it could be on the blog?

Because not everything I do is for public consumption. Some things can remain semi-private.

-Did he just watch?

Ha ha ha.

-What's that mean?

That means the notion of him not joining in in a private sexual affair of mine is ridiculous.

-Um, ok. So did you do anything else in Ohio between fucking antiquing, threewaying, and hanging out in the hotel swimming pool?

Not really. I ate a lot of over priced food. And I got my nails done which is bizarre and will never happen again.

-Why not?

It's a waste of time and money. I usually can grow my own quite long but tried getting 'em done this one time because they were peeling because of the seasonal weather change. I have decided that it's better to simply endure having short nails for a few weeks when the weather changes rather than pay a mean lady to glue and scrape at my fingers.

-I'm glad to hear you say it since I never really understood why girls got their nails done. It seemed like all that time and money could be better spent, I dunno buying and using binoculars or some sort of telescope that they could use to find me so that then they could have sex with me.

Well that's a pretty daydream.

-Oh! You wound me, um anyway what'd you do in New York?

I hung out with Zak's friends from Yale and Vivid and Bob Coulter and Steve Prue. We did some photoshoots and played D&D and ate some yummy food in Brooklyn. We saw that movie about pet bugs in Japan called "Beetle Queen Conquers Tokyo" which I very much enjoyed. We went to see some art in Chelsea and we hung out with Zak's gallery people a bit. We also had dinner with an art collector and his wife who showed us their house full of expensive paintings including a couple of Zak's, and their cute kids, and their fluffy poodle who didn't seem to like me very much. They had a couple neat things, a good photo of a Russian girl and some paintings that were heavily lacquered and glittery and colourful. It was a bit of a strange experience being in that house.

-Um, can we see some pictures?

Ok here's one Bob took of me. That's all I've got for now.

-Whoa thank god I thought I was going to have to read a whole thing without seeing any pictures.

Well that's dumb.

Ok so you um, went to dinner with some art collector, what did you eat, like caviar?

No I didn't eat caviar. I had some sauteed spinach and some grilled fish and some fancy custard thing with fruit. It was very good. We were at a place they said they saw Bernadette Peters at. But she wasn't there that night. I like Bernadette Peters a lot. We got chocolates wrapped in a photo of some nude women which I took to give to my sister and grandma.

And Zak went to Yale? Is he rich?

Yes he went to Yale, no he's not rich just smart. He took out a big loan to pay for Yale like most people who go to college do.

-You played Dungeons and Dragons?

Yeah. These guys who Zak went to school with play of course. They are the people I had my first games with. Vivid played with us too this time, and Steve Prue.

-Who's Vivid?

This is Viv. She's a model and she makes beautiful hairpieces and wigs and dreads. She also just graduated from art school. She's my friend.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Vivka
http://www.zivity.com/models/Vivka
http://twitter.com/vivka

-So what happened in the D&D game?

Our Paladin fell in love with a woman with a leech for a head, Viv killed the Lizard-man King, we were in an opera house which was inside a giant turtle.

-Hey, I have a question, what version of D&D do you use?

In New York we play 1e AD&D. In L.A we play a house-ruled hybrid of 1e AD&D and 3.5.

-Why is it different?

Because in New York all the boys grew up playing 1e and didn't want to play a different version. They had their 1e AD&D books still. In L.A we play with some 3.5 books too because a friend gave me tons and tons of 3.5 books when he moved. Also Satine was already used to playing 3.5 not 1e AD&D so we compromised. That's why. Also our DM thinks that the save vs wands, staffs and rods and other 1e save categories are stupid.

-Is it ok if I write you a long, dorky email telling you that you should really play a different version of the game, or should play in a completely different way, or should play a different game altogether because that's what I like and you're just a dumb girl and so obviously don't know any better.

If you can do so and still be polite you may write such a letter but do not expect a reply that agrees with you. There is no chance that we will play 4e ever.

-But I like what I like and obviously everyone else likes the same things as me right?

Well honey, you may not have noticed this yet not having left your parents basement much, but there are lots of people who like different things than you and it doesn't mean they are evil or stupid.

-Um ok. So if you could meet any three people in the world who would they be?

Right now at this very moment they would be Joan Rivers, Stephen Hawking and Patton Oswalt.

-That sounds like a terrible orgy but maybe a pretty good D&D game.

Yup. I'd have said Leonard Nimoy but I already met him. I just wanna hang out with him some more. Also I feel like Joan Rivers would be a really great mentor or strong female to look up to as I get older.

-I feel like she'd be like "A rust monster? oh throw up!" and then Stephen Hawking would be like "DoNotBeA-fraiD...IwiLLproTectYou."

Yes. Like that. It would be wonderful.

-I also feel like if Joan Rivers was your mentor she'd tell you should learn to like getting your nails done.

Oh yeah? I'm not so sure about that. Or she might tell me that but wouldn't mind if I didn't listen to her about that.

-She'd probably also tell you, you should have ordered the caviar.

But there wasn't any caviar on the menu.

-I don't think Joan would accept that as an excuse.

Well that's why I need her around.

-Are you trying to be more Jewish?

Maybe my boyfriend would listen to me more if I was more like a Jewish woman. He has more experience with that kind of lady.

-He doesn't listen you?

Well you see I'm Canadian and from Montreal and my family is Catholic, and we are quiet, polite people who try to avoid conflict. And he is American and his family is Jewish and from DC and so he is loud and confrontational and doesn't seem to hear or understand quiet protestations or suggestions until they get loud and confrontational enough. (Though neither of us are actually religious in any way, the different ethnicities of our family's created very different atmospheres in our childhood homes.)

-Ok I get it. So you want Joan Rivers to be your Jewish mother?

No I want Joan Rivers to be my Jewish auntie because aunties are more fun than moms. I just crave a strong older female presence in my life sometimes.

-That makes sense because "older females" are probably the only demographic that doesn't read your blog at all.

Yeah, pretty much. And my mom and I get along really well but she doesn't have the kind of advice I feel I need with my very different lifestyle than hers.

-Should I send you a long and dorky email telling you how you're obviously a loser skank on a downward spiral who only knows how to deal with life's problems by laying down and spreading your legs because you didn't have a strong female presence in your life?

No way! My mother and a couple of my aunts ARE strong influences and very accepting but they are very far away and had lots of kids. And kids become your lifestyle. So they have little insight into a young woman's life who isn't planning on settling down and having children. I plan to travel and learn and meet all kinds of different people and bounce from city to city and country to country and maybe spend a few years in one place to get some university-style-organized education but otherwise I'm a restless wanderlust filled autodidact with a lot of serious medical problems that get in my way and yearning for some applicable guidance is completely natural and normal.

Visiting with Sister Testing the Webcam Videos

2010-06-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

Pictures.

2010-06-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

Kimberly Kane's boy is a very talent photographer, his name is Denis McGrath. He took these pics during one of our D&D games in my apartment. That pig in the last pic is named Ping Pong Von Laserstein.

I'm in the city I was born in hanging out with my little sister. It's wonderful.

So busy!

2010-05-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

So I am busy visiting friends and family on the east coast for a few weeks and my internet access is a bit limited. Having a great time--I've shot with Bob Coulter and Steve Prue again and hung out with the amazing Vivid Suicide (who makes my gorgeous wigs). Played D&D with the gang out here (Zak's friends from school): Yale graduates/college professors/artists--it's a bit different than playing with the girls in L.A but just as chaotic and fun! Off to see the family back home in Canada tonight.

Keep checking out our weekly D&D webshow "I Hit It With My Axe" over at theescapistmagazine.com every Wednesday, and check out the forums too!

Don't Tell Us Right Now!

2010-05-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have been eagerly awaiting this episode's airing.

Blame These Explicit Pics On Gia Jordan

2010-04-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

These are from a shoot we did for Fox Magazine, you can find me in the April 2010 issue. There's also an interview along with a two page spread.

Oh, and this:

And the weeks I missed:

*Check out giajordanphoto.com*

I Hit It With My Axe--Blobs and Brain Switching

2010-04-14T12:34:00.001-07:00

Death Valley + Kimberly Kane + Me and Zak = Genius

2010-04-10T17:28:00.000-07:00

January 2010--driving back to L.A from Vegas.
Kimberly said "Quick jump out of the car I gotta get this shot."
So we jumped out of the car and stood in front of some cacti as the sun was setting.
Result is gorgeous and this is my favorite photo of us ever.
"Like Sid and Nancy" one of my friends said. "Yeah, only without the heroin" said I.

For all you people who keep asking--no it is not a staged photo. I really just was eating ice cream. Lucky timing, spontaneous shot. Kimberly has a good eye.

Happy Whatever-Spring-Holiday You Celebrate And Yeah, It's All Real Except The Pink Hair.

2010-04-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

2010-04-03T18:19:00.000-07:00

First of all this is brilliant and may give those of you who are curious some more insight into how I Hit It With My Axe's DM -- artist and author Zak Smith (Sabbath)-- runs our game.

Next, the third episode of I Hit It With My Axe went up this past Wednesday on http://www.escapistmagazine.com and the fourth episode will be up this coming Wednesday!

I would very much appreciate any personal tips any of you may have on cooking, eating, recipes etc, that are wheat-gluten free, dairy free, tree nut free and unfortunately corn free also. Really-really-really will be appreciated. Or send me one my newly-researched-hopefully-still-kinda-tasty-healthy snack/food items off my wishlist. (As always if you include a return address I will send you some Mandy Morbid stuff to show my thanks.)

In related news I also developed an allergy to the silicone in my contact lenses. That was fun. And am just now getting over a monster cold but...

Here's some new webcam pics since I'm finally a little more presentable and energetic!

Fuck. A Medusa Part Two

2010-03-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

A Medusa in DnD is a species--a monster type. There are many of them--DnD mythology is not the same as real world mythology. Medusa is NOT just one Gorgon in DnD. I quote from the ADnD Monster Manual: " Medusae are hateful humanoid creatures which dwell in dark caves or caverns, venturing forth on occasion to seek prey. They try to beguile humans to look into their eyes."

Also: WE PLAY HOMEBREW AD&D + 3.5 HYBRID.

AND THIS REGARDING TIEFLINGS. Notice the word "often" as opposed to "always". Changes the meaning of the sentence doesn't it? And yeah I have read the 3.5 Monster Manual entry for tieflings but we play homebrew so my first like nine game sessions were totally AD&D despite the fact that I was allowed a 3.5 character race. If I want my tiefling's demonic lineage to be more recent nothing is preventing me--I have a whole back story for her too. I'm not confused about tieflings and half-fiends. We may have simplified our explanation to Sasha (since she's a brand new player) for expediency's sake. So fucking sorry. (That last sentence there was sarcasm, by the way.)

Fuck. A Medusa.

2010-03-24T16:12:00.001-07:00

I Hit It With My Axe!

2010-03-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

New Interview! (And more webcam pics)

2010-03-10T13:41:00.000-08:00

http://www.whackmagazine.com/2010/03/mandy-morbid-bra-size-is-28ff-or-28-gh.html

A Bit Out of the Mandy User-Manual or Not Impressed, Sir.

2010-03-06T01:22:00.000-08:00

Email I got first thing when I woke up today but was too dazed by a combination of Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, and nasty photosensitivity (of the eyes, Hollywood is dazzling around noon) and sleep deprivation (hello insomnia, so pleasant to see you again) to respond to adequately:

hi mandy..

ur the BEST by far !!! i feel you a master and i am a slave to you everytime i see your pics.

im a businessman from Kuwait....im in the usa

i wana know how to arrange a session with you please ?

thanks

Well now, I am very flattered to have caught your attention Mr. Business Man but I'm sorry to inform you that I am not a dominatrix, or a prostitute (session is vague). And if I were I wouldn't take an offer like that seriously.

Here's some helpful info about Mandy and how she rolls:

I live in a one room studio apartment with a painter, writer and occasional--like myself--adult performer. Yes, you can find his work in many bookstores, and some of his paintings in fancy Museums in New York but we live modestly as my health care is quite expensive given that I have at least 2 or 3 different diseases and disorders of the autoimmune variety vying for attention everyday. And a few other kinds of medical conditions which like to tag along as well. All are in need of constant medical treatment.

We travel when we can afford--and my health allows--it.

I model as often as possible because I enjoy it but at the level I'm at---that doesn't exactly pay well.

I very rarely perform in adult films because, well, take a look at the list of things-wrong-with-me Zak has tattooed on his arm. They are tattooed because that's a lot to remember in an emergency situation, so the tattoo is a precautionary measure. "Here paramedics--these are her pre-existing medical conditions!"

But of course I would love to perform more often...under very specific circumstances and with people I know and trust and at the very least find very attractive!

For two or more years (approximately) I ran a free DIY hardcorn porn website. Because it was fun and something I usually could manage (because I was in charge) with my health issues. Right now that's gone and all there is, is this blog.

Aside from sex and travel I enjoy reading, playing Dungeons and Dragons with my friends, playing video games, learning languages, hiking and going to the gym with my friend Kimberly. I also like getting tattooed sometimes too.

If you admire me so, please feel free to purchase your copy of "Mandy Candy" from the link at the top of this blog page or pick a gift for me from my Amazon Wishlist, the link is likewise on this blog page but at the bottom of the list of links to my friends websites and my other pages. Gifts are always appreciated especially because I try to ask for useful and practical things, or if frivolous at least inexpensive things. If you include a return address I will send you a "thank you" package.

But I'm not interested in sessions and never will be.

Possibly in the future you'll be able to find me on a live web-cam show, but if you are in any way disrespectful you'll be cut off instantly.

Thanks for writing!

xox

-Mandy

Friday Morning, Nothing to Say

2010-03-05T13:10:00.000-08:00

New Silver Pants (and a Minotaur on my top.)

2010-03-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

Fiona Apple Night + More Webcam Pics

2010-03-03T02:48:00.000-08:00

I'm on www.CharlotteStokely.com and www.crazybabe.com this week!

So I have a slightly embarrassing revelation, I really like Fiona Apple.
(Fiona Apple, yes, yes, she's not Metal or Doom or Punk, or heavy Industrial, I know--it's ok.)

Here's some bits I like lately:

"Everything good I deem too good to be true
Everything else is just a bore
Everything I have to look forward to
Has a pretty painful and very imposing before"

"I'm gonna make a mistake-
I'm gonna do it on purpose
I'm gonna waste my time
'cause I'm full as a tick
And I'm scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure
Had fun, so
I'm gonna fuck it up again
I'm gonna do another detour
Unpave my path
And if you wanna make sense
Whatcha looking at me for
I'm no good at math
And when I find my way back,
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I've acquired quite a taste
For a well-made mistake
I wanna mistake why can't I make a mistake?
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why-
Do I wanna do right, of course but
Do I really wanna feel I'm forced to
Answer you, hell no
I've acquired quite a taste
For a well-made mistake, I wanna
Make a mistake, why can't I make a mistake
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why- "

Recent webcam pics:

Awesome review of Mandy Candy!

2010-02-26T16:58:00.000-08:00

http://www.avn.com/movies/91817.html

And me today:

Freya: 28G/28FF and Fox Magazine

2010-02-25T14:26:00.000-08:00

From top to bottom:
Where Kimberly and I go hiking.
A picture Kimberly Kane took of an apartment building in Hollywood.
My bra tags. So you all can see for yourselves. No more of this double D nonsense.
Me this morning.

As for life in general: I'm in the latest issue of Fox Magazine--a multi page spread and an interview--shot by Gia Jordan--it's dirty so take a look, D&D with all the girls, World of Warcraft with Satine Pheonix, reading "The Untouchable" by John Banville alould to Zak while he works--love it--it's brilliant, wandering in Hollywood with Connie and her little dog Bug, hiking with Kimberly Kane, listening to "A Brief History of Time" before bed, drinking too much cinnamon hot chocolate.

I'm eager for some new modeling or porn work to happen, but I've gotta get just a touch healthier first.

Here's a great photo Ellen Stagg took of Charlotte Stokely and me a couple weeks ago:

Sweet Dreams

2010-02-23T04:02:00.000-08:00

Recent webcam pics.

Also available for your viewing pleasure on my Twitter feed.

I Hit It With My Axe!

2010-02-17T23:50:00.000-08:00

Finally! Now I can let you all in on the web-show we are doing called "I Hit It With My Axe" about us playing Dungeons and Dragons. Follow the link below to Zak's DnD blog to see the details!

http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/

The Stupid is Getting to Me

2010-02-12T13:09:00.000-08:00

I think it's really really stupid that Zak Smith wasn't invited to Yale for "Sex Week" considering he IS a Yale graduate and IS an adult performer with a published book on the subject and has been making art about that same subject for years and years.

Probably one of the dumbest things that's happened all month. Including my massive problems with my medical conditions and incredibly over priced basic asthma medication.

Hate.

What the Fuck is Going On?

2010-02-05T19:30:00.000-08:00

What video's up this week?

-There is no video. I'm working on the site, it's going to be different.

What've you been up to?

- Asthma attacks, Dungeons and Dragons, more asthma. Oh and some arthritis, fibromyalgia, migraines, allergies, probably now a sinus/upper respiratory infection. I tried to dance again for one night but had a nasty attack the next day so I can't do that again any time soon. A little bit of ass fucking to keep life from getting too dismal. The fevers make my eyes burn so I can't spend much time playing video games or reading either--never mind the headaches. Oh and I fell and skinned my knee and bruised my elbows walking to Connie's house one night. I'm bored and frustrated.

Who do you play Dungeons and Dragons with?

- Zak Smith/Sabbath, Kimberly Kane (and her bearded dragon Liz), Frankie, Satine Pheonix, Connie, and sometimes Danny Wylde (Daniel). Sasha Grey played once with us, and Justine Joli played with us for a couple days too. Justine and I got make out a little. The girls (and Zak of course) have all been really great about helping me out while I've been ill--they deserve some credit for that.

What do you eat when you're sick?

- Anything I feel like. Zak made me banana bread the morning after my scary attack.

Can he cook?

- Yes. It was very good. It came from a box, but some people can still fuck those up pretty badly. Also I've been eating a lot of popcorn.

Do you watch movies while you eat popcorn?

-We played DnD and I also did a photoshoot with Charlotte Stokely and Ellen Stagg while eating popcorn. But that's a good idea--Kimberly lent me Star Trek I should make some popcorn and watch it tonight.

How'd your thing with Charlotte go?

- I suppose it went well. Charlotte is very very sweet.

Can we see pictures?

- Ok?

Ok.

Post-Vegas Photo Blog

2010-01-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

My lovely best friend won AVN's "Best Actress" award this year! Congrats Kimberly Kane! So well deserved! (It's actually an award for acting too, though she has won AVN awards for her sexual performances as well, of course.) Check her out as Scully in "The Sex Files" to see her stellar performance.

Can you see the hate I harbor for Las Vegas in my eyes? Please, stupid fickle girl brain, never agree to go that bad place again, please. Don't trick yourself into thinking "it won't be so bad". Because it will be. Remember....

Look--I'm Jem!

That is me in my respirator. I wear it wherever I travel where smoking inside is not yet illegal. Those purple disks are hepa filters. Yes my asthma and allergies are that bad. I also travel with a nebulizer. Apparently it is "illegal" to wear a respirator in the Venetian. It should be illegal to poison people with all that cigarette smoke and perfumed oxygen they pump into the casinos. So I pretty much stayed in our non-smoking hotel room the whole weekend (can't breath out there!) after my one brief attempt to attend a failed party. FYI: the people who run LAVO are mega-assholes. And my boots broke too. So fuck you Las Vegas.

I shut down my website for awhile but here is a photo set my friend Steve Prue shot of me last time I was in New York. Loves these pics, thanks Steve!

2010-01-02T21:29:00.000-08:00

-So what did you do over the holidays?

I went to Canada to hang out with my family. Which is really wonderful and I love it except I'm super allergic to my sister's cat (who I used to actually live with--which is incomprehensible with my allergies as bad as they are now) which sucks. I had to use my nebulizer every night. Also the traveling is really horrible. We were two days delayed getting home because of a sudden cold snap (-22 Celsius--our plane wouldn't work) and United Airlines' incompetence. Satine Phoenix is an angel and she picked us up from the airport when we finally landed in L.A and she took us home. My family is pretty cool though. We played D&D and Zak and my brother play chess and my parents make excellent food. And my mum decorates. She REALLY decorates. Everything in her house glitters and sparkles, she puts up two Christmas trees, there are lights and garlands and Christmasy bits on everything. Literally. I love it. And it sounds tacky but it's not. Just traditional and well done. At this point she has more decorations than she can actually fit on both trees and everywhere else. We all went to the art gallery too, which everyone for once, seemed to enjoy. Oh and Zak and I got some good presents! (And gave some good presents as well.)

On New Year's Eve I hung out with Kimberly Kane and Danny Wylde (aka Daniel) and Zak Sabbath and Kimberly and I watched Disney movies and sang along to all the songs in Aladdin and we all lit sparklers outside like 8 year olds and Zak made a sparkler flail-mace which took him like 20 minutes to assemble but only lasted about 5 seconds.

-Zak Sabbath sang the music from Aladdin?

No, only Kimberly and I did. I think Zak's too old and too cool to have watched that one enough times to know all the words.

-What's your New Year's Resolution?

I don't really have one. I suppose it's to "not need surgery again this year". My other ideas for resolutions were deemed unrealistic: "To not be crazy." That one made KK laugh out loud. And "To not age at all from now on." "Go to school." Was considered "Lame."

-What kind of cheese do you like best?

Oh that's such a hard question! I like so many kinds.

-What presents did you get?

Oh boy...I got really nice DKNY perfume from my little brother (my little sister helped him with that.) I got really cute cupcake shorts and a pink camisole from my parents. I got a Wizard of Oz Wicked Witch of the East Barbie from my sister. I got a big pink Tie Fighter that's now hanging from my ceiling with my pink Bird of Prey from last year--from Zak. I also got a cardboard stand up of the white haired necromancer from the original Guild Wars ads from way back when--from Zak--who remembered me talking about the same one I loved when I was in high school that was in our local game shop's entrance. I got a 45 piece silverware set from my parents. I got some shorts my parents picked up for me when they were in Virginia Beach last summer. They got Zak a shark in a bottle when they were there too. I got some Urban Decay eye makeup from my sister. I got a fancy makeup brush. I got a set of mirrored silvery tea-light candle holders from my grandparents. I got a Hello Kitty thing for my keys--from my sister. I got a cute pink and black notepad with skulls and a pink protective case for my macbook from my parents as well. I got some gift cards for book stores in Canada, I got an industrial grade hepa filter/toxic vapor/gas mask from my dad. Well actually I just sort of took it from his work when I was there--but he always gets me stuff like that. (Temper's dog Horace ate my last one, the last time I was in Berlin, where I need a gas mask to go around the bars with my friends there. Berlin also killed my other nebulizer despite the fact that we had a power adapter for it.) I also got some fancy tea and chocolates and stuff like that.

-So what's with all the talking in this movie?

Oh, Chris Nieratko was doing a thing about Kimberly for Vice and he wanted footage of her directing and performing and stuff like that. So we spent all day with him and his camera guy Matt. They filmed us filming and eating and watching Mandy Candy and just hanging out--but we weren't being very serious or professional about anything. We were just having fun. And so I left in some of the dialogue because it amuses me and it isn't just the same old, very quiet, slow MandyMorbid.com stuff. It's super amateur and I like that.

-Ok. Can you tell us some more about these cupcake panties?

Okay. They are shorts to sleep in and they are thin and white and have lace and a pink ribbon to tie and little pink and yellow cupcakes all over and the word "sweet" printed all over in a small pink font. I also got a tight low cut pink lace camisole to match. They know what I like. It's nice.

-What's a camisole?

It's a kind of lingerie. Like a tank top but very thin and originally meant to wear under other clothes. Like a slip. Only on top.

-What do you think 2010 will be like?

Ummm. I'm not really comfortable speculating about that sort of thing. I suspect I will be healthier and therefore busier but that's as much as I'm willing to guess and hope for.

-I meant in the larger sense. Bathes us in your geopolitical or socioprognostacative wisdom.

Oh fuck. More of the same mess. And probably some new ones. I miss Canada. I miss Germany.

-But everything is perfect now, right? Obama is president!

I wonder if he really thought he would be able to change things? That seems naive though doesn't it? Him being president only prevented some things from getting immediately worse, it may have started certain things beginning to change but it doesn't seem like it's for the better at the moment. Depending on what this health care nonsense develops into, I'm prepared to pick up and bail. Back to a much saner if boring and very cold land of taxes and responsible health care for everyone, and much less expensive post secondary education. And a larger and statistically wealthier and more content middle class.

-I hear he changed the decor in the Oval Office. Except the rug.

Really. Impressive.

-See, he can change things! Now who's naive?

Oh I'm such a confused and mistaken lying Canadian.

-It's because you're communists.

Yes. Well. Socialists actually might be more accurate.

-Well that's why you're dumb. And have mooses.

And still have natural resources and less poverty?

-I'll admit you do have some pretty nice natural resources.

Thanks.

Rancor!!

2009-12-16T22:52:00.000-08:00

-So I hear Mandy Candy's doing well...

I saw a twitter post that said it was. Good Vibes posted that. So I guess it's true. I haven't had much feedback.

-Who's Good Vibes?

A company that makes and sells sex toys but also produces porn movies. They do a lot of queer stuff I think. Mandy Candy isn't queer porn though.

-What did they say?

The tweet (I hate that word) said it was their top selling dvd.

Trailer here: www.mandycandy.net

*Get YOUR copy from the link on www.mandymorbid.com and I'll get some of the money.*

-What else you been doin'?

Umm planning my holiday trip back home, Christmas shopping/homemaking presents (I always start very early so I'm finished now just have to wrap 'em), went to Belladonna and Kimberly Kane's Winter Wonderland benefit for AIM (which went very well.)

Oh, I was in NYC about a month ago and I got to see my lovely and elegant and oh so punk rock fashion designer wife from Berlin and we got to fuck and have our photos taken in her stunning clothes (her website is http://www.anthracite.de/ )

And then she got sick which sucked. And then I got sick when I got home. So there was some recovering.

I shot a new set for Suicide Girls at Kimberly's house which I'm hoping will get approved for member review before the end of the month. Kimberly and I have been going to the gym a lot. You can't tell by the photos though. I also shot with Gia Jordan for Fox Magazine, that should be out in April they tell me.

I've been playing Zelda Twilight Princess on my Wii and Speed Racer on the Playstation 2 and a wee bit of D'nD with my girl friends. We got Kimberly into it too now! And I just started playing World of Warcraft last night after years and years of not having a computer that could run it. I have a trial account right now but one of my awesome fans got me an account and a copy of the game to install and I should be all set up this weekend! I find it very relaxing so I'll have to be careful not to play too much, I'll get addicted. And I'm kind of a lone wolf so I play alone as much as possible since making in-game friends seems awkward to me. Online social anxiety disorder.

Soo, if any of you have guilds you wouldn't mind having a low level newb in-- "hi" --I'm here.

Umm, what else have I been up to? Oh yeah, Vice was shooting some stuff of KK so they all came over here and we made a day of it. That was pretty nifty.

I've been reading more Jack Vance and some Nabokov short stories.

-I saw that you were at that benefit, what's up with that?

KK had been planing that benefit for months and she worked so hard. I'm glad they raised so much money for something we (me and my adult film performing friends) care about. Safe sex is important! Also important is the fact that we all looked so totally hot that night. Evidence of our collective hotness:

-That was important. What happened at the benefit?

They auctioned off a date with Belladonna, KK, Sasha Grey, and Joanna Angel. Faye Reagan told me she had a crush on me--which I'm obviously happy about--since she's so cute. Andy San Dimas was drunk and hugged me a lot, which also made me happy. It was a good party, I had fun, all my friends were there. Sasha touched my boobs a lot. Zak and I went out to dinner after with her and her boy Ian. She kept trying to see when my nipples popped out of my dress because apparently it's better when you see nipples accidentally rather than just asking to see 'em. So that was that.

Also Lexi Belle touched my boob too.

-Did you bid on any of the dates?

No. But if I had the money I would have bid for Bella 'cause I haven't really met her yet. I mean, I've met her but I've never really spoken to her.

-I don't think you'd have to pay Belladonna to talk to her...

I wouldn't be paying her if I bid on her, I'd be donating to AIM. That's why it was a charity event.

-Oh, right. Um, so what's it like going to AIM to get tested? Is there a ton of porno sluts lounging around reading National Geographic?

There isn't a ton of porno sluts. Sometimes it's busy but usually there's a few people there, and more come in as the others leave. Kind of a steady flow I guess. They have weird high-school/college-guidance counsellor-only adult-themed art. The people who work there are kind of awesome. There's no National Geographic but I would like it if there were. There's copies of AVN magazine and educational pamphlets in a bunch of different languages about STIs and the HPV vaccine. And also pamphlets advertising various facial and body beauty procedures.

-That would be a really weird plot for a porn movie...

Probably yes.

Rancor!!

P.S: This is my Wish List, 'cause you know, 'tis the season to show how much you appreciate me and my free porn. http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1MLCRJZINR4GM If you do send me something please let me know or include a return address and I'll send you a lil thank you gift!

2009-12-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

Check out www.mandymorbid.com to get your copy of Mandy Candy!

And this Saturday (December 5th) is the benefit my friend Kimberly organized (along with Belladonna) for our adult industry medical organization. AIM is non-profit and all the proceeds from this even go to AIM.
Help us keep a trusted STI and HIV testing clinic open and performers safe!

Mandy Candy

2009-11-23T19:13:00.000-08:00

Not safe for work trailer for Mandy Candy:

http://mandycandy.net/

You can order it here !

I've been in New York. I don't check my email much or bother to get on a computer when I travel so I apologize for my depriving you of updates on my site and responses to emails. But I'm home now.

Cute?

2009-10-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

>So I see you made Coco cum here--was that fun?

Looks like it. Okay. Fine. It was fun.

>You make it sound really boring.

More fun to do it than talk about it. Talking about it is kind of boring.

>I think this might be the cutest porn ever. There's no award for that--"cutest porn".

Cute 'cause of the giggling and mild awkwardness?

>It didn't seem awkward to me...

I think it just seems a bit that way to me when I edit it. Filmed it awhile ago.

>Anyway it was really cute, like I thought puppies eating birthday cake would explode out of it at any second.

Puppies eating birthday cake seems kinda gross to me so I'll just pretend you said My Little Ponies from the 80's and Rainbow Brite and whatever. Thank you.

>Puppies riding My Little Ponies on a puffy cloud where Rainbow Brite lives with those things that eat stars from Spirited Away.

Excellent.

>Was that your artistic aim?

I hardly ever have artistic aim. I'm more the impulsive type.

>Speaking of aim, what's up with AIM?

AIM is our adult industry medical organization. It's non-profit. From what I understand it has debts from a legal battle with Cal-OSHA: "Defendants California Department of Industrial Relations, Division of Occupational Safety and Health, Lee Welsh, and their agents and employees, are restrained from compelling or seeking to compel the disclosure of confidential medical records, HlV test information, and personal identifying information of Plaintiff and other patients of AIM without the specific written authorization of such patients; and 2. Defendant Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation is restrained from disclosing confidential medical records, HlV test information."--and now: "AIM has unpaid debts arising out of this case in excess of $170,000 dollars, and if those debts are not paid, AIM's clinics face the very real possibility of having to close its clinic's doors for good before the year is out."
(Copied and pasted from AIM's website.)

Performer's pay for STI and HIV testing out of pocket. Go to a regular doctor's office and ask for a HIV/PCR DNA test and they'll charge you half your month's rent. Plus most places don't do the HIV/PCR DNA test that AIM provides (unless you specifically ask for it.) Along with regular testing for other STIs as well as counseling services. Performers get tested every three weeks, or more often, or if you are like me and only work a few times a year before each movie/scene.

"The HIV/PCR DNA qualitative test will detect early HIV infection by looking for the inhibitory substance of the HIV virus itself. This test typically will find HIV between 10 and 14 days after exposure.

The HIV Elisa test looks for the person’s antibody response to the HIV virus. This test will detect HIV between 6 weeks and 6 months of exposure."

If AIM shuts down there will be lots of porn stars unwilling to perform since doing so would be putting themselves at much greater risk.

>I see. Well, that's considerably less cute.

Yeah. Considerably.

>So what else've you been up to?

Getting tit-fucked by the sexiest boy ever. Going to the gym with Kimberly. Doing laundry. Trying to write a D&D adventure (I procrastinate.) Reading Lord of the Rings again but it's boring in parts. Watching all the Sopranos seasons for the first time. On season 3 so far. Watching Zak draw. Trying to find plans for Halloween. Got a costume together--part bought (and altered)--part stuff I already owned. Having text conversations with my little sister back home. Not doing my Hungarian lessons even though I want to. Hanging out online in various places. Got a new bra that fits perfect! (28FF on the UK tag--28H US size)

That kind of stuff. Not that interesting I bet. No crazy threesomes with hot sluts or traveling recently. Waiting for Mandy Candy to come out next month!

>What're you gonna be for Halloween?

Batmandy! I don't want to get a red wig though so I'm using my own hair.

-Like because Batgirl had red hair?

Yeah. I have a brown wig but Zak says it doesn't suit me. (There's a version of Batgirl with brown hair too.)

-Which parts of the Lord of the Rings is boring?

It's boring up until they get to Rivendell pretty much. Then some fun elvish/dwarvish/wizardy story stuff happens.

-Would you have volunteered to take that ring to the volcano?

Could I like, fuck Aragorn along the way?

-I feel like he'd be clingy.

You know I don't even know I'd care. Never happened to me before. I don't know what that's like.

-He'd be all brushing your hair like he does with that horse and talking in his nasal emo voice...

You can't brush my hair it's too short. But if it wasn't I don't think I'd mind. I like it when people I like touch me. His voice is nasal but not emo. Emo sounds like this or this or anything Frodo says ever.

-You learn something new every day.

Boobs and Things

2009-10-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

-So the thing I hear is you've got this movie that's about to come out...

Yup! It comes out in November. It's called "Mandy Candy" and it was directed by Kimberly Kane (who also performs in it.) I saw it for the first time a couple days ago and it looks amazing. The trailer should be out soon. Some pics we took while shooting it are posted in one of the last blogs.

-Who do you fuck?

Kimberly Kane and Zak Sabbath. And I help Devi Lynn out a bit during her solo. A lot of the movie was filmed in my apartment. (So all you voyeurs get a peak into my home.)

-Don't we usually get a peek into your home?

Oh that's right! I forgot. My bed yeah, and sometimes the video game consoles show up. The shots are different in Mandy Candy, not as POV-ish or close in as the vids on my website. And there's a bit in my bathroom that I really like.

-So what's with that giant rabbit thing in your bed with the ears?

That's Kuromi. Zak Sabbath found her in Little Tokyo and we brought her home.

-Is it true that Kuromi is always trying to cause trouble for that rabbit that looks like Hello Kitty but isn't? And, if so, why? Because that rabbit is cute.

My Melody? I dunno why, Kuromi must just be mischievious by nature. I have a My Melody makeup bag. It's very small though. I think I need a bigger one. It's My Melody with strawberries and it reminded me Strawberry Shortcake from when I was little....man it's hard to type when I don't have my contacts in or glasses on...

-I hear Tera Patrick has an all-Hello Kitty room and boys aren't let inside. Do cute anthropomorphic animals turn women into sex perverts?

They are probably sex pervs to begin with. I would like to see this Hello Kitty room Tera has.

-Isn't, like, your friend's boyfriend in her boyfriend's band or something?

He was. I don't know if he still is.

-It must be weird to be in Hello Kitty's boyfriend's band. I wonder if she goes to shows...

Yeah...-That would be so fucked up if she was like "Hey, you guys were awesome!" and then was like giving the drummer a blowjob in the bathroom after the show with her big wide head...

Yeah. You know I can't recall having ever given someone a blowjob in a bathroom.

-Plus she doesn't have a mouth...

Good point.

-I know I'm supposed to ask you more questions but I can't stop thinking about that Hello Kitty blowjob.

Ok...

-Um. I totally had a question all ready to go, but...ummm...

Sometimes I want lips like the girl in that last pic. And hair. But yeah, sexy girls and Hello Kitty. It's a thing.

-Things are good.

Right.

-Things with boobs and...things.

Adultcon and Bizarre

2009-09-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be at Adultcon with Kimberly Kane this weekend! So if you're in LA you'd better come say "hi" to us.

And I'm up on Bizarre Magazine's website!
http://www.bizarremag.com/alt-girls/pin-ups/8152/mandy_morbid.html

Mandy Candy Candids!

2009-09-20T02:09:00.001-07:00

Here are some behind the scenes photos from today's shoot with Kimberly Kane. (Click the pics to view full size.)

I am awake and online way too early today.

2009-09-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

Um. If you want to see "crappy" webcam pics of me and my tits you should follow me on Twitter. Examples below.

And I found these pics of me from Riot Girls (shot back in March) this morning. The makeup is a bit weird. If you want to see 'em bigger you can click on 'em. Like, my butt will be bigger.

Mandy Morbid Vs. Death Frost Doom

2009-09-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

(So I played the D&D module "Death Frost Doom" yesterday, here's a report from my friend who ran it.)

If any of you are following or involved in the Old School Dungeons & Dragons revival, then you've probably heard of Death Frost Doom, the new adventure written by Old School D&D Blog Overlord James Edward Raggi IV.

It has gotten rave reviews around the Old School D&D blogworld for its creepy and fatalistic atmosphere, as well as its horror-movie-like cruelty. Most people run through it die or go insane or both. Plus you can download it for 5 bucks off the web.

Anyway, Mandy was bored today and her eye was infected so she couldn't play video games, so we downloaded Death Doom Frost and ran it as a solo adventure.

Here's how it went:

(WARNING: SPOILERS! IF YOU PLAN TO PLAY THIS MODULE, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER)

(HOWEVER, MANDY IS CONSIDERING MAYBE GOING BACK TO THIS PLACE LATER, SO THERE ARE NO SPOILERS FOR THINGS IN THE ADVENTURE THAT MANDY
DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YET)

So in addition to her old stand-by, Tizani Ildiko, 3rd Level Cleric of Vorn, Mandy rolled up a Dwarf Fighter (Gowron) and an Elf Sorceress (Ilona)--both first level.

(Gamers may want to know at this point what system we used--we used a mongrel of 1st edition AD&D (because that's what we'd been playing with our friends up until now and because we like it) and edition 3.5 (because that's all Mandy has the books for at the moment because someone gave them to her)(However, edition ended up not mattering at all much because see below).

So I tell Mandy that the Sister Superior of Vorn has told her to fetch a certain book that is rumored to be on a mountiantop, in a place of great evil. Then I put on "Ceremony of Opposites" by Samael. ( I would've put on colder, doomier things like Wolves In The Throne Room and Amebix's "Winter" but I played them to death during our last session which was heavy on wolf demons, witches, hunters and other wintry paganisms.)

Mandy laughs because "There is a place of great evil in the wilderness" is exactly what a priestess says at the beginning of Diablo and you hear it a million times if you play Diablo.

So anyway, these three trudge up the frozen mountain and encounter the weird old backwoods disturbing hick who warns you not to go up to the cabin on top of the mountain.

Now, there is a thing that will happen if you fuck with this guy, and a thing that will happen if you try to walk past him when he warns you not to head up the mountain.

But Mandy did not do these things. She pretended to be going around the mountain, walked off into the woods, then continued the path up to the cabin, so neither of these things happened.

Mandy heard The Disturbing Sounds and did not follow them to their source.

Then Mandy saw The Nightmarish Tree. She gave The Nightmarish Tree a wide berth.

Nor did she investigate The Stone Well. Likewise she saw The Frozen Corpse and fucked not with it. Nor did she do any of the things you're not supposed to do in The Graveyard.

Not having much else to do, she went into The Cabin.

She looked at The Clock, The Bizarre Painting, The Harpsichord, The Chairs That Are Facing You When You Come Through The Door and The Deer Head and none of these did she fuck with.

She took the Purple Powder and because she had a Dwarf and a Sorceress with her, knew that it could Drive You Mad Or Turn You Into A God and put it in her pack. She saw the Dead Guy's Stuff and took it.

She used a spell to decrypt the writing on the walls, then took this note--"Runic writing says bad things".

Then she went down into the Trap Door.

She fucked not with the Screaming Faces On The Wall, went through the Demon Head Carved Door and into the Room With The Skeleton Hands. She did not fuck with the hands.

I told her "You see a sigil on the door, it looks like This" (and showed her a picture).

I said "It fills you with unease and nausea" she said "I knew you'd say that."

The CD ended and I put on Cradle of Filth, which was perfect for a second because at the beginning of the album there's creepy choral music and just as the voices began to spiral up, she entered...

The Demonic Chapel--
wherein Mandy fucked not with the Pews, nor the Organ of Bone, nor the Skulls on Hooks, nor the basins with teeth (except reaching into one to pull out the treasure and taking some unholy water), nor the Jewelled Dagger and Necklace, ("I'm not a thief, so I left them--I figured the altar was carved like a skull mouth so it might clamp shut or something"), nor the Demonic Murals, Nor The Door That Leads East.

I got sick of Cradle of Filth and put on Sleep.

Mandy then investigated The Crypts of the Priests, Warriors, and Commoners respectively and got all the gold out of the crypts. She did not go down the spiral staircases.

She investigated The Embalming Room and took the Book that was there, but did not read it.

She went into the room with the eyepiece and the books on pedestals, she took the eyepiece and put it in a sack.

She went into The Bloodstained Prayer Room and did not translate any of the writing.

She went right past the Room With The Black Fountains.

Then she got to The Plant Monster.

Now, you'll notice absolutely nothing has happened so far. If you know the module, you'll also know that killing the plant monster--for complex reasons--causes the dead to rise from their graves. And there's no way the players can know this.

So here, as the referee, I am getting excited, finally, somethings going to happen: Mandy can't get the book she's been sent here to get without getting past this plant.
She can see it there on the other side of this plant.

Also over there is a Gold Altar, an Inscription, A Pit, And Two Gold Cups.

So, she starts killing this plant. Acid, axe, axe, axe. Now it's dead. It almost kills her dwarf but she heals the dwarf. So she's past the plant.

Unbeknownst to her, the dead begin to rise from their graves.

I tell Mandy "There's a book--it matches the description of the book you've been sent to get, along with two cups, and..."

"We grab the book and the cups and run back the way we came."

"So you're just..."

"Yeah."

So then the players run, full speed, out of the dungeon, they run into some of the living dead, who scrape up the sorceress and kill the dwarf, but the party just keeps running, past the skeletons underground, past the ghouls above ground, and down the mountain.

And that's that and the adventure is over and now an army of undead walks the earth. "That's not my problem," says Mandy.

"Mandy," I say "everybody who runs this module has everybody die or goes insane or at least they find it really creepy, but you just ran in, got the stuff and left, scott free. How the hell did you do that?"

(Mandy is not a terribly experienced RPGer, this is her seventh night out.)

"I've played video games, I've played Zelda and Diablo--I know when you go around in a crypt the dead are going to come back. I know you just run in and get the stuff and leave. I mean, they sent me to get the book, I got it. It sucks that the dwarf had the purple powder--but I can go back for that later."

"So, um, did you like the adventure?"

"It was fun, I mean, it wasn't as creepy as (the last adventure we played), but y'know, it was good despite being a bit predictable."

That's Mandy's review.

My personal dungeon master review--

It says right in the introduction:

"Careful and methodical adventurers will be able to find a great deal of treasure with absolutely no personal risk, but a number of adventurers may feel that this is not an
exciting adventuring location...if they are clever enough to never meet any opposition, they will likely be unsatisfied with the adventure as a whole without realizing how lucky they were."

Now, Mandy got the best of both worlds--it was easy and she got a lot of treasure, plus she did think it was fun. I, on the other hand, had a good enough time but just kept thinking what it would've been like if the group had included some of my other, less clearheaded, players.

I may have fucked this module up by running it right after an adventure that was already culty and creepy and full of demon terror (and using up all my best doom metal in the background). When I read Death Frost Doom, I thought the whole nothing-happens-in-the-whole-first-half-of-the-adventure-but-it's-all-creepy-and-that-builds-tension-thing was excellent, and a nice play on player expectations, but Mandy seemed to take it all in stride. Maybe it's just really hard to make a one-on-one adventure scary. Maybe you can't get the proper claustrophobia when you don't have several personalities all bickering about which door to take. Maybe none of that matters because Mandy had fun anyway. Maybe I'm just being the crazy dungeon master who imagines all the lunacy that could have been rather than the cut-and-dry cut-and-run scenario that Mandy pulled off. Maybe the most promising thing is that Mandy wants to go back later to get that purple powder.

(Anyway if any of you D&D people want to send me more modules to play I'll review 'em and post it here.)

(Also here is a link to the guy who created "Death Frost Doom"'s site http://lotfp.blogspot.com/)

Busy, busy!

2009-09-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update so you don't all think I've abandoned you.

Last you heard I was traveling with Zak Sabbath all around on his book tour.

We haven't been in LA much.

Presently we are house and dog sitting for a friend in SoHo, New York.

I also took a 12 hour bus ride up to Canada to visit my family. Transferring in Montreal was heart wrenching, I want to live there again so much. Montreal looks like nowhere else I've ever been and I love it. The crumbling overpasses and decrepit looking factories that surround the city, the maples trees and cathedrals, the rusty bridges, the strange buildings and structures that were built for the world fair and the Olympics, it is a beautiful place. The bus drives right by the neighbourhood I grew up in. Not far from LaRonde. I watched the firework competitions from my bedroom window every summer.

I will go home someday.

Anyway, my lil sister came back to New York with me, stayed for a few days. I had to show her around because she'd never been here before, we had to go shopping a lot, of course and we explored places I never bothered to get to when I lived here. (I didn't have any friends that first year so I didn't go out much.)

It's been very, very, busy. We went to the Central Park zoo, we went to Times Square twice, we went to the Met (I adore the Met and so did she, being a second year anthropology and sociology double major, naturally), we wandered all around the east village (that is maybe the only area of NYC I know well, aside from Bushwick), found a rare $80 copy of the original Ogre Battle for the SNES for our lil brother, ate lots of pizza, we participated in the Paping Soap Box Derby that Zak and his friends put on every summer, played lots and lots and lots of Dungeons and Dragons (more about that later), went to Coney Island (where the sis agreed, out of character, to go on the Cyclone with me and then was terrified and tried to hide on me and banged her nose pretty badly as a result of not bracing herself like I told her to), we went to the Aquarium too, picked up some cotton candy to send home to my dad who has a nasty sweet tooth and loves places like Coney Island but doesn't get to travel much himself, and I took her to the Double Down Saloon on her last night. Oh, and we went to Chelsea to pick up some copies of Zak's book from his gallery and see some art. Most of the galleries were installing so she didn't get to see much, but she got the idea.

Ok. D&D: I play a tiefling priestess (Cleric). We play mostly first edition but some people, like me, had characters created for playing different editions (which is why I'm allowed to be half-demon.) I found a magic mace to replace the original mace I bought, but I haven't quite figured out yet exactly how it works. I worship Vorn the God of Iron and Rain. I'm 3rd level (possibly 4th now since we just defeated a necromancer and some demons and found our way out of the dungeon we were stuck in and regained our memories.)

Zak created and ran the module and there were usually about 9 of us playing. It was all very Jack Vance and M. John Harrison and Road of Knives.

My sister plays a half-elf illusionist. In our party we had a dwarf fighter, an elf fighter, an elf ranger-who occasionally would turn into a halfling minotaur due to a spell, a half-orc thief, a half-orc fighter, a half-elf cleric, a half-elf thief, and a human paladin also a worshiper of Vorn.

We have so far defeated an invasion of the Locust Cult, a Medusa, a Vampire Halfling Queen and her minions, some giant toads, a gargoyle, almost got killed by some peacocks, a baby black dragon, a minotaur, and some other stuff. We rescued a goblin alchemist too and a sphinx.

I found some cool books and some mystery potions.

So that's D&D so far. I'm hooked. Like really really.

I'm thinking it would be nice to live on the east coast again, nearer to my family and our friends here. I do miss LA though, but am glad to be away while the fires are happening. I wouldn't be able to leave my apartment at all if I were in Hollywood with all that smoke.

Next, we go to Seattle. Zak is reading from his new book at Bumbershoot.

I did shoot some new content for MandyMorbid.com with Coco Velvett. It's being edited now. Should have something new for you all up soon!

Mandy Morbid's Review of Zak Smith (Sabbath)'s New Book "We Did Porn" + Some Stuff About Canada Day

2009-07-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

-So you're going with Zak Sabbath around on this book tour?

Yup! It's pretty nifty. We've done Portland and San Francisco already. New York in a couple days. (I'll re-post his reading/signing event schedule at the end of this blog.)

-So what the fuck is this book and why should we care?

Ok. To put it as simply as possible it's a book that has like 300 pages of true stories that happened to Zak, and me, and most of the people you've seen on my site, and the people who make the movies we are in. It also has 100 pages of drawings and paintings in it that Zak drew or painted (because his real job is mostly being a painter--not being an alt porn star) of the girls and people who were around. The stories and the pictures don't "match up" though (like they do in a comic book). They are separate pictures of the same things.

You should care because if you are interested in learning more about me, or girls like me, or my friends, and our lives (like what it was like when we made "Hospital" for example) then reading We Did Porn would be a good way to do so because we are all in it.

We have different names in the book, but I like to think my fans are clever people and can figure it out. (I'm "Candy Crushed", you get that one for free.)

Or, if you like fantastic extremely beautiful and complicated art and fantastic extremely interesting and complicated (and funny) writing then you should also care. Because the book is those things too.

-So the writing is good? Can you prove it?

Here is a link of an excerpt (a part of the book about Sasha Grey being on the Tyra Banks Show):

http://therumpus.net/2009/06/barely-legal-whores-get-gang-fed/ (copy paste!)

(I sent that link to my dad and I think it shocked him a little. Which I didn't really think was possible anymore. I know he thought it was interesting though, despite being surprised.)

Here is Kimberly Kane's blurb about it (she's doing a contest where if you send her a pic of you with your copy of We Did Porn she'll send you free porn):

http://blog.kanearmy.com/ (copy paste, then scroll down a bit!)

Here is the link to Fleshbot.com's review:

http://fleshbot.com/5304994/sabbath-porny-sabbath-we-did-porn/gallery/

Here is a link to our friend author/sex worker/activist/director Audacia Ray's review of it:

http://www.wakingvixen.com/blog/ (copy paste, then scroll down a bit!)

Here is Gram Ponante's review--again scroll down a bit:

http://www.gramponante.com/

Here is the stuff I have copied and pasted from Amazon.com's We Did Porn page:

"Intelligent, frank and often hilarious meditation on the author's dual career...The pleasure in this book comes not from living through the author's atypical experience, but in being taken deeper into areas of thought commonly perceived as taboo—a wild, entirely worthwhile ride." ."—Kirkus Reviews

"Smith’s take on the industry is vivid and insightful, including observations on people, politics and American culture—the push-and-pull between the Right and those who want the right to screw."—Kirkus Reviews, Nonfiction Supplement

"Will appeal to those who like things a little kinky."—Publishers Weekly

"A fascinating synthesis of words and art..."—LibraryJournal.com

"An intelligent, funny, and self-aware reminder that intelligent, funny, and self-aware people do in fact choose to work in the porn industry...It is all incredibly interesting and entertaining."—Alison Hallett, The Portland Mercury

"The subject matter — combined with his clever imagery — couldn’t help but keep it fascinating... It reminded me of David Foster Wallace’s hilarious, equally dense essay “Big Red Son”...Smith and Wallace have similarly breathless, heady writing styles and We Did Porn could easily serve as a porn insider’s compliment to Wallace’s journalistic-outsider perspective."—Alex Peterson, Willamette Week Online

Uh....so, is that proof enough? Or you could just trust me since you know I have good taste in literature (if you've been paying any attention to me at all over the past year or two I've been doing this porn thing and writing stuff on here).

-Ok, fine, I'll buy it--what else is going on?

Oh, there was Canada Day with Kimberly Kane, Zak, Daniel/Danny Wylde, with absurd 80ies German dog porn that had a whole plot, and locations and a soundtrack. Subtitles. Which Zak read to us all aloud in his fake German accent. And a little tiny bit of Canadian beer for me.

Dogs are pretty gross now. "Das hund naturally!"

Um, what else, hmm, I got to hang out with Quinne Suicide a bunch this week. Which was very nice.

As you can see in the lapdance vid that's up on MandyMorbid.com right now I shaved my mohawk off a couple months ago and my hair is starting to look good again. My wife in Berlin (Temper Suicide--keep up people!) says its "very 80ies Berlin punk rock". There's been photos on Twitter if you are cool enough to be following me.

Oh, yeah, on Twitter I'm MandyMorbid.

My lil brother just went to his high school prom. Weird.

I had an asthma attack earlier this week and now I've got a bad bad cold. This is how Zak describes me in my current disgusting state:

"Mandy caught a cold somewhere along the line so, next to me, the most beautiful woman in the world is nozzling snot and grunting in her sleep like a snouted zoo animal."

I think that's really great.

Quinne is sick too. Did you know that she and I were born less than two hours apart, same year, all that. She is my astrological as well as my boob twin. Here is what she said about Zak's book:

"later i met up with zaksmith and adria to go to berkeley for zak's book reading/signing for 'we did porn'. let me tell you freinds, it was fucking amazing. just from the few parts i heard zak read last night i am SO impressed and excited to read the whole thing.
(then we ate some greasy pizza shhhhhhhh!)"

Ok. So that's what I've been up to. I'm probably forgetting stuff. Oh well.

-Was the dog porn hot?

No. The women were atrocious, snaggletoothed and cow tits and acne scarred and concave faced. Nightmarish. Which isn't surprising is it? You wouldn't think the girls agreeing to fuck poodles on film for money would be the prettiest girls around would you?

-Was Canada Day hot?

No. But it was funny and strange. It was novel if anything.

-Was Quinne Suicide hot?

She is adorable.

Oh, and here are more upcoming book tour dates where Zak and I will be:

Barnes and Noble New Haven, CT Monday July 13 6:00 pm yale.bncollege.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/BNCBHomePage?storeId=16556&catalogId=10001&langId=-1

Museum of Sex NY Tuesday July 14 7:30 PM http://www.museumofsex.com/

McNally Jackson Booksellers NY Wednesday 15-Jul 7:00 PM mcnallyjackson.com/

St. Mark's NY Thursday 16-Jul 7:30 PM www.stmarksbookshop.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp (actually in a location near there, sponsored by them, I found out)

Skylight Books Los Angeles, CA Friday July 31 7:30 pm www.skylightbooks.com

Bookslut Chicago, IL Tuesday August 4 7:30 pm http://www.bookslut.com/readings.html

Bumbershoot fest Seattle Sept 6

They tell me then maybe Minneapolis. Then maybe the UK.

Zak Smith (Sabbath)'s "We Did Porn" Book Tour.

2009-07-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

--Copied from Zak Smith(Sabbath)'s Suicidegirls blog. I'm going with him on his book tour.

http://www.tinhouse.com/books/books_coming_w_d_porn.htm

--That's ^^ the book. "We Did Porn".

"Rumpus Room San Francisco, CA Tuesday July 7 Time not yet determined therumpus.net/

This is one of those multi-media events full of sex-positive type lesbians doing poems and performances and whatever. It is always hard to know how or what to read at a thing like this. I will just have to boyish-charm through it, is my strategy.

Moe's Books Berkeley, CA Wednesday July 8 7:30 PM www.moesbooks.com Maybe my uncle will be there. I should call him I guess. I got a bunch of cigars for him here.

then we got... City Lights San Francisco, CA Thursday July 9 7:00 PM www.citylights.com City Lights is serious literary turf. They had to book this date like 8 months in advance. Founded by Lawrence Ferlinghetti. Their press published Allen Ginsberg, Bukowski, Andre Breton, others. Some people walk into a place where there's history and they just like that a lot. Like Baudot who's going all over europe right now, enjoying, for all the world, being in places where things happened. I'm not really like that for some reason. Maybe because I'm from washington DC where shit is ALWAYS going down, and it always looks and feels like fuck-all.

Speaking of fuck-all: Barnes and Nobles New Haven, CT Monday July 13 6:00 pm

I am famous in New Haven, Connecticut. Why? Because once I went to the Book Trader coffee shop and ordered a roast beef and goat cheese sandwich and they were out of bread so I got it on two cookies. Went back 5 years later and the clerks were still talking about it. That's how boring New Haven Connecticut is.

Then: Museum of Sex NY Tuesday July 14 7:30 PM http://www.museumofsex.com/

Uh, then: McNally Jackson Booksellers NY Wednesday 15-Jul 7:00 PM mcnallyjackson.com/ I got nothing to say here. Soho. Boring.

Then: St. Mark's NY Thursday 16-Jul 7:30 PM www.stmarksbookshop.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp

This place is like home. Just downstairs from the Cooper Union dorms--where I lived when I first moved to NYC. I used to go downstairs every day and pour (pore?) through the artbooks. NYC Lower East Side scenester Fly works there, or did. I have no idea where there's supposed to be room to read in there.

Skylight Books Los Angeles, CA Friday July 31 7:30 pm www.skylightbooks.com

This is like my new home. It's good to live near a book store. I went in there once and the guy;s like "Hey , our local celebrity" and I was like Seriously, man, we are in East Hollywood, I cannot even remotely qualify as a celebrity here. Danzig lives around the corner. Though, then I thought--maybe I am the closest thing around here to a celebrity that ever goes into a bookstore. Which is weird--LA is pretty anti-book. I saw Dennis Cooper read and like, 30 people showed up. One of the biggest literary writers living and like 30 people. I read up in Portland and there was a 7$ cover and 75 people showed up. Fucking Los Angeles. "

--Ok. So. This is where we'll be. That's my plans there for the next couple of weeks pretty much. There won't be much updating of my site probably. We'll see what I can manage.

--In the meantime there's that 8 min masterpiece shot by Zak of me giving him a lapdance.

--Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been a busy busy girl.

Help Iranians Cybernetically!

2009-06-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

stolen from Boing Boing
Tip #4 is easy, so do it, or set up a new account to do it!

The purpose of this guide is to help you participate constructively in the Iranian election protests through Twitter.

1. Do NOT publicise proxy IP's over twitter, and especially not using the #iranelection hashtag. Security forces are monitoring this hashtag, and the moment they identify a proxy IP they will block it in Iran. If you are creating new proxies for the Iranian bloggers, DM them to @stopAhmadi or @iran09 and they will distributed them discretely to bloggers in Iran.

2. Hashtags, the only two legitimate hashtags being used by bloggers in Iran are #iranelection and #gr88, other hashtag ideas run the risk of diluting the conversation.

3. Keep you bull$hit filter up! Security forces are now setting up twitter accounts to spread disinformation by posing as Iranian protesters. Please don't retweet impetuosly, try to confirm information with reliable sources before retweeting. The legitimate sources are not hard to find and follow.

4. Help cover the bloggers: change your twitter settings so that your location is TEHRAN and your time zone is GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location and timezone searches. If we all become 'Iranians' it becomes much harder to find them.

5. Don't blow their cover! If you discover a genuine source, please don't publicise their name or location on a website. These bloggers are in REAL danger. Spread the word discretely through your own networks but don't signpost them to the security forces. People are dying there, for real, please keep that in mind...

p.s. Here's how to set up an alternate IP to help Iranian citizens get around the government firewall:

http://blog.austinheap.com/2009/06/15/how-to-setup-a-proxy-for-iran-citizens/

Melvins, Barney, Etrigan, Golf

2009-06-01T02:25:00.000-07:00

-What have you been up to Mandy?

* Gym with Kimberly Kane as usual, went to the driving range with her and Zak and Stoya, watching Justice League cartoons, reading a book about the Met, watching Zak draw...stuff like that.

-You played golf with Stoya?

*Zak, and KK played with Stoya, I pretty much gave up "playing" awhile back because I suck. At most things athletic unless they involve a horse or ice skates or a pool. Or cock. But going to the driving range isn't really playing golf is it? It's just whacking at golf balls. Anyway I mostly watch or keep score if KK and Zak are having a competition. Stoya was almost as bad as I am though. She gave up too.

- Was anybody else at this driving range?

*Oh yeah, we saw Buzz from the Melvins!
(And Satine had a birthday party too, I forgot to mention above. She had like three, but we only went to one of 'em. And we hung out with Daniel/Danny Wylde too--watching him and Zak both sit on my bed and play Star Wars: Battlefront II was awfully exciting, in the hot way. AND I got to see KK "die" in a really awesome looking horror movie that Tommy Pistol was making. Did I remember it all now? Oh. Right. Lots of doctors appointments too.)

- Jesus fuck you're busy...

*I guess so. Yeah.

-What do you think of the Melvins' cover of that Alice Cooper song "Ballad of Dwight Frye"?

*I like it! A lot. It's a great cover. But I like the version I saw Alice perform live better of course.

-So was Buzz all "Holy shit! It's Stoya!"!

*Nah, he didn't get up there until after we were down in the parking lot, loitering while the girls smoked, and Zak noticed him and went back up to see if it was really him--but didn't talk to him or take a picture or anything. Just confirmed it was who he thought it was. I couldn't see very well. My contacts never seem to work as well as I'd like them to.

-Was Stoya all "Holy shit! It's Buzz Osbourne!"?

*I don't remember.

-I guess Buzz is one of those rock stars that NOT all the porn chicks have already slept with...

*You might be right.

-What are you eating?

*Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. And soon a pill to help me sleep that my doctor put me on when he decided I have Fibromyalgia.

-Are you eating the ones that have the fish with their names on them: "Brooke", "Gilbert", "Finn", and "Xtreme"?

*On the back of the package, yeah, not on the fish crackers.

-Which Fish is the best?

*I always get the one's with Finn. Because they're tasty.

-It says on the bag he's president of "share smiles" foundation. Does that figure into your decision?

*Nope.

-Which episode of Justice League are you watching?

* The one with the Huge Heffner guy having the Halloween party and Morgan (Morganna?) Le Fey and her annoying kid, Mordred. And Etrigan.

-OH MY GOD THE ONE WITH ETRIGAN? THAT ONE IS SO FUCKING AWESOME AND YOU ARE AWESOME FOR WATCHING IT!

*The one with baby Etrigan is pretty cool too.

-I love how he's all creepy and has black lips. That shit'll give children nightmares for decades.

*I dunno. I saw The Exorcist when I was, like, 8. That'll give kids nightmares. Especially Catholic kids. Or Unsolved Mysteries, that scared me. Maybe Etrigan would've too though.

-The fact that there's a "Share Smiles" Foundation and its president's a fish with sunglasses gives me nightmares.

*Yeah....that's pretty scary. I always thought Barney was awfully scary, he came out when my lil brother was a toddler. Ick! He said all kinds of nonsense about "smiles" and crap like that too.

-It would be totally fucked if Barney had black lips and Etrigan was always demanding that people smile...

* Now I'm just gonna picture all the unrealistically cheery kid's characters I can with black lips...

-Is Coco's butt as squeezable and juicy as it looks in movies?

* Pretty much, yup.

- 'sigh'

* Indeed.

Exxotica + Really Long Review of New Star Trek Movie

2009-05-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

*So what's up with this video this week here?

-This is me getting tit-fucked by Zak Sabbath and him coming on me.

*What does his cum feel like on you?

-It's warm, wet and varying degrees of sticky--gelatinous, or liquid. And it cools and congeals very quickly and then it's kind of icky sometimes.

*So it's icky once it gets cold?

-Sometimes. If it's more runny or watery or of thinner consistency it's not a problem.

*Interesting. Did you see anyone drink a stripper's breast milk last week?

-Yes I did see that. Well taste would be more accurate. Oooh South Beach Miami. So dirty.

*What were you doing in Miami?

-Was there 'cause my friends were going to be at Exxotica and I have a friend who lives there and it was just good timing. Only I was very very sick the first few days and so I ended up avoiding the convention floor.

*Wasn't there also a lesbian convention at the same time?

-Yup. The lesbians were noisy.

*Noisy?

-They were hollering at each other from across streets and stuff. While sitting at outdoor restaurants even.

*Bi-sexual porn chicks are not noisy?

-I have yet to see a bi-sexual porn girl shout out at anyone they found attractive, male or female, from a distance.

*So you gotta get in close?

-I guess so.

*Was anyone else loud this week?

-An ex-SuicideGirl/ stripper we were hanging out with got drunk and then, yeah, she was loud.

*Was she a lesbian?

-No.

*Are SuicideGirls noisy?

-As far as I can tell, no, not really. At least not the ones I know.

*Are ex-SuicideGirls noisy?

-I only ever met the one, and that was the first time I met her so it's difficult to make a generalization about that.

*But it's fair to say that every single ex-SuicideGirl you ever met was noisy?

-Yes.

*So was there crazy porn star fun in Miami that everyone reading this should be envious that they missed?

-Maybe. My perspective is skewed so I'm not sure what everyone should be envious of. Sitting around for hours drinking and talking with Sasha Grey, Stoya (who occasionally would attack someone for fun) Kimberly Kane, the Popporn boys, Alektra Blue etc...Going to the beach with Nadia Nitro and KK, sitting in bed in a hotel room while Nadia and Kimberly both fall asleep on either side of me while watching the Simpsons and Family Guy...I dunno. Pink mojitos in the pool with Kimberly Kane? Hanging out at a bar with a tipsy Jenna Haze who gets totally excited and psyched about my tits and haircut and who absent mindedly kept humping Zak's leg while she tried to feel up Sasha. Is that worth being envious of?

*Um, from the point-of-view of me? Yes. Yes it is. So what's this about Stoya attacking people? Is she dangerous? Did she attack lesbians?

-No she attacked a boy. Maybe made his nipple bleed. I think I've done that myself at some point....So I don't think she's dangerous just unpredictable, which is fun.

*Did you drink drinks with umbrellas?

-Nope. Not me. But everyone one else did. I had sips of theirs. Brian Bangs ordered Zak a mystery drink one night called a Flaming Lamborghini, which of course was on fire, or sorta, cause it was windy where we were all sitting, but we got the point. He said it was very tasty. Then afterwards we got a few other people to drink 'em too. I think we got Kimberly Kane to drink one. I did however have a couple of Blowjobs, which one of the Popporn boys got on video. So that may pop up online sometime, or maybe not. Who knows.

*Um, at the risk of sounding even more pathetic than I actually am, what's a blowjob?

-Since we were talking about drinks there's this:

"An alcoholic drink.

In a shot glass (NOT a cordial glass):
1/2 shot Bailey's Irish Cream
1/2 shot Kaluah
Topped with whipped cream as high as you can make it.

After the shot is made, the drinker can do a liptease, and lick some of the cream off the top. If the drink has been bought by somebody else, this is almost a requirement.

The drinker places her hands behind her back, leans over, wraps her lips around the shotglass and straightens up, tilting the head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

This is a good way to get free drinks, just make sure you don't choke. It takes a while to master the technique of doing this gracefully and looking sexy."

Which I'm pretty sure I failed at. Since Nadia had to hold my shot glass up for me, though in my defense my shot glass was square shaped and not circular which is pretty awkward to get your mouth around, and I do have a very small mouth.

There's also this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fellatio

*So I see that you are on the box of the new Burning Angel movie...

-Yup. Me and Pixie Pearl. The scene is actually up at www.heavymetalpussyparty.com I still haven't seen the scene or the photos yet. So if you watch it write me and tell me if it's good.

*It's good.

-I know you haven't seen it. So you don't know. Maybe one of us has green goo oozing out of our assholes.

*It's Mandy Morbid and Pixie Pearl. It's hot. It's in the dictionary. Under "hot".

-Fine.

*THANK YOU. ANYway...so I was sta...I mean, following you on Twitter and I noticed you wrote "When a man is in love, is jealous, and has been flogged by the Inquisition, he becomes lost to all reflection" Is that true?

-I have no idea. The quotation marks actually include "...Candide said" so I guess Voltaire thought it was true, but Voltaire strikes me as being batshit insane and not especially clever.

*So you think we DO actually live in the "Best of All Possible Worlds"?

-No. I think if everyone can think of a better world than we should be able to create one. Only we suck and are stupid and selfish and immature and corrupt. So we don't.

*Ummm..well it seems to me then you agree with what Voltaire's saying in Candide, then...

-How should I know I wasn't listening the whole time the audio book was playing. I just listened to like 3 chapters.

*Do you do that a lot? Like put on classic literature on audiobook and ignore half of it? Do you know who won the Trojan War? Do you know if anybody ever found out about Madame Bovary's affair?

-I've never listened to or read Madame Bovary--I heard it was trash. And I do believe it was the Greeks won the Trojan War. Well some Greeks won against some other Greeks cause the Trojans were Greek too right? But yes sometimes I ignore what's on the radio. Maybe Voltaire loses something in the translation. We did Voltaire when I was still in school in Montreal. 7th grade (and in french). I remember the story we did being better than Candide. Or maybe it was just the guy they had reading it on my version of the audiobook sucked.

*Who's better: Voltaire the philosopher, or Voltaire the goth who did "Banned on Vulcan", or Voltaire the SuicideGirl?

-I like Voltaire Suicide best. I don't know what you're talking about with this goth "Banned on Vulcan" thing. But I just google it and it looks amazingly stupid. And I'm a huge Star Trek fan. And it looks amazingly stupid.

*Does it upset you that Voltaire called Canada "A few acres of snow"?

-A little bit. Canada is larger than the U.S.A--Oh and "Banned on Vulcan" doesn't make much sense to me, cause it seems likely that the Vulcans are so logical and in control of what's going on that they would never need to "ban" anything. Which Voltaire said that?

*Speaking of Vulcans, did you see that utterly retarded movie?

-3 times.

*Were those times utterly retarded?

-Nope.

Although I think a lot of the movie could have been way better and they or someone could have put way way way more effort into it/parts of it.

And there were stupid typical hollywood unnecessary redundant nonsense scenes (example the young Kirk stealing a car scene--typical tacky hollywood bullshit and ugh product placement, and the young Spock talking to his father about how he's troubled and half-human--yeah WE KNOW ALREADY-- obnoxiously obvious attempt to demonstrate Spock's emotional issues--felt like the movie was trying to manipulate me into feeling a certain way about the character and that's never a good sign--the bit of green blood they showed was cute though.)

And the villains and their whole origin/plot were really really weak and annoying and aesthetically awful--like-come-on-tribal-tattoos-in-space-don't-even-look-or-act-like-Romulans-ugh-so-devoid-of-creativity!!

And other things too...

BUT I am such a Star Trek addict that I still loved it anyway. I think it was very well cast and I'm looking forward to seeing the new cast really get more into the classic characters. New Kirk had a few great classic Kirk moments, new Spock too, although there weren't enough of the classic Nimoy-Spock expressions and mannerisms for my taste. Kirk and Spock both are totally hot too (but original Nimoy Spock was way hotter), so that helps. New McCoy was utterly brilliant and got Bones bang on, Scotty was great, Chekov and Sulu were good too.

Oh and Vulcan looked beautiful.

And simply, it was just a pleasure to see NEW Star Trek. The re-done spaceships, etc. I get goosebumbs when I see "NCC-1701" span across the starry screen. The alternate reality thing was a great idea since it doesn't upset fans attached to the "original" Trek history. I grew up on Star Trek. My sister, my dad and I all bonded over Star Trek. I had the fucking TNG video interactive board game when I was 11, my sister and I watched everyday after school (in high school) the Original Series, then TNG, then Deep Space Nine, then Voyager. (Space channel in Canada is awesome-by-the-way.) OF COURSE I'm going to love it.

I might have to go see it again. Like I watch all the seasons of all the shows (except Enterprise) over and over again on dvd, and I watch Star Wars (the original 3) over and over again and would get so so excited to them in theatre. Why is this any different?

*Star Trek sucks.

-Whatever. Most sci-fi sucks unfortunately--except for first 3 Star Wars, Blade Runner, Alien, Alphaville, and the Fifth Element. And Star Trek.

*Did you see that Star Trek porn movie Sasha just did?

-I saw a clip. They did her Vulcan eyebrows wrong....see now I'm just gonna be all ultra-fan on you.

*Does it strike you as strange that you spent all weekend frolicking in an exotic tropical locale with famous porn stars and you have way less to say about it than you do about seeing some movie every one else in the country also saw?

-No. The talking about the frolicking thing is I would be gossiping about my friends and who wants to do that to their friends on the internet? Not me. And I'm glad to be home from Miami. You know how at the end of vacations all you want to do is be home in your own bed? If we had of been talking about Miami while I was IN Miami I probably would have had more to say. At the moment though I haven't got much to think about aside from sex, my medical problems and getting to my doctors appointments on time, and then making more appointments and then Star Trek.

*What if your doctor was that Star Trek doctor and he was always all "Dammit Mandy, I'm a doctor, not a..." (whatever you were treating him like)?

-I'd be all "Well that's perfect 'cause I don't need a "whatever-I-was-treating-him-like" I need a doctor. Despite what I was treating you like. Can't you tell with that tricorder thingy that I need a doctor? Most people can tell just by hanging out with me for a few hours."

*Yeah, I guess that, umm, makes sense. Ok, is that it for this week?

-Yes. Bedtime.

Snow Beasts

2009-05-04T02:58:00.000-07:00

*So I see this week we are confronted with yet more sapphic shenanigans featuring you and the adorable miss Coco Velvett...

-Yup.

*How does Coco'spussy taste?

-Like a fucking pussy.

*So you are of the pinion that they are all alike?

-Pretty much. Maybe I just haven't tasted enough.

*I see. What else have you been up to?

- I've been sick. A lot. I've been watching episodes of Deadwood. Sometimes it's an ok show, other times it's tedious and predictable. I've also started reading Perdido Street Station by China Mieville. Same assessment pretty much, good and entertaining at times and at others tedious and predictable.

*Perhaps it would be possible to arrange things so that every time, say, the sheriff and his wife were whining about their dead baby, you'd be reading one of the good parts of PSS and every time Mieville starts to slack off, there'd be a gunfight or unanaesthetized surgery scene on Deadwood...

-That would be nice. Oh I was also healthy enough one day this week to do some laundry. Youpi.

*"Youpi"? What the hell does "Youpi" mean?

-Like "hooray" but I'm from Montreal. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youpi

*According to that wikipedia entry, it is also the name of a "french/swiss jazzmetal quartet" whatever the fuck that is. Ok--I am playing a track by Youpi--found it on youtube--what do you think of this song?

-I have a bit of a headache already. So, I guess I don't think very highly of it, though I would have expected worse.

*Yeah, I feel like when you say "french/swiss jazzmetal" you prepare for fairly apocalyptic levels of suck. But these guys are just kinda--well "tedious and predictable" would be the phrase of the week, I suppose. ANYWAY: let us go to the mailbag...Bairdduvessa expresses a preference that you dress up like Marvel super-heroines and get fucked rather than DC ones. What do you think of that?

-*shrugs* I know DC characters better than Marvel ones--'cause my dad brought more DC stuff home when I was a kid so I don't know if I am informed enough to have a real opinion on that subject. My decision would be based on which costumes appeal my actual fashion sense and which showed the most skin. I can't say at all if that's DC heroines or Marvel ones. And I don't feel like looking it up.

Oh...I also shaved my mohawk off.

*So does that mean you are now bald?

-I was, now it's starting to grow out fuzzy. Does that still count as bald?

*Hey, save me from asking a million questions and just tell us the whole scoop with your long-term and immediate hair plans...

-I don't have any plans yet. I haven't decided what I'm going to do. I might grow the mohawk back only different, or I might let most of it grow back like a real girls hair and dye all sorts of fun colours and just shave a small part of it. Or I might just keep getting so ill and sleepless and irritated that I keep shaving it all off just to suffer through the razor burn as a means of distraction from all the other pain. I do quite enjoy picking scabs off my head.

*What do you think of this tibetan scroll painting of a vengeful 6-armed tulpa?
(www2.lib.virginia.edu/exhibits/dead/images/vajra.jpg

-I like it.

*Also in the mailbag, Ben says he never puts his dick in crazy. What do you think of that?

-Do attractive women who aren't crazy even exist? If they do, I'd sure like to meet one some day.

*Is Coco crazy?

-Of course. She's not boring. I have sneaking suspicion that 'not crazy" is code for "dull".

*What did you get for your birthday?

-An Aldous Huxley book, two Mad magazines from the mid 90's, some glow in the dark stars to stick on my ceiling, and a notebook and some drawing stuff and a drawing, an anime action figure called Pocco and a book full of anime character drawings, oh a trip to Disneyland with lots of my friends.

*Which rides did you ride?

-Space Mountain, the Haunted House, It's A Small World, and the Matterhorn.

*Was there vomiting?

-No.

*If there was a zombie or mutant invasion during your birthday and you had to and commandeer and fortify a Disneyland ride and protect it from ravenous marauders with the aid of your birthday guests, which ride would you choose?

-It's a tie between It's A Small World and Pirates Of The Caribbean.

*That would be fucked if you sniped at ravenous invaders while taking cover behind like animatronic llamas in "It's A Small World".

-Yes. And that would make a beautiful video game if Disney ever gave someone the rights to make it. But yeah, fucked too.

*Fucked. Yes, fucked. But wouldn't the Matterhorn offer the most advantageous tactical position?

-Probably, but you'd also be likely to fall off a ledge or trip on a Yeti or something.

*Have you ever tripped on a Yeti?

-More like slipped and ended up face to face with a Yeti. Happens all the time to Canadian school children, that's how we learn to run on and through the snow and ice so quickly and skillfully.

*I see. Is there a difference between a Yeti and a Sasquatch?

- Yeah, I think maybe a Yeti is like a winter Sasquatch, like Yeti's are white and grey and Sasquatch is brown.

*What about a Yeti and an Abominable Snow Man?

-Abominable Snow Men have more teeth and claws than Yeti do.

*How do they have more claws? Do they have extra arms? Or just extra fingers? Is that abominable?

-My bet is more fingers. Unless you have something really good to ask I'm about ready to fall asleep. Maybe. If I'm lucky. I mean I'm exhausted and I want to try to sleep soon.

*Does the difference between Yetis and Wampas count as "really good"?

-Ha ha. Yes. On Earth we have Yetis, on Hoth they have Wampas. That's the difference.

*But, wait, are they like the same species but on different planets, or are there more complex biological differences?

-I'm not a exobiologist, or an astrobiologist so I wouldn't know. Also I'm too tired to think about it.

*But you are a Canadian. Aren't Canadians supposed to know about snow-beasts?

-About snow beasts native to this planet. Not the others. Yet.

*Oh.

-Ok. Goodnight.

Birthdays, Comics and Ignorant Twats

2009-04-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

*So what's going on with you today, Mandy?

-It's my birthday, I got lots of nice comments from strangers, my family forgot to call me, I went shopping for comic books with Zak Smith/Sabbath and some moron who can't read or was making a stupid assumption wrote me telling me that I'm an "idiot" for apparently using antibiotics improperly.

So, to set that person straight: I do not use antibiotics to treat the common cold or my asthma. I never said that I did. Read what I actually wrote and you'll see that I mentioned I had been on two rounds of antibiotics in the past month without saying what I was being treated for, since I don't always want to tell everyone what exactly is wrong with me. I also mentioned in the same blog that I had recently caught a cold and that cold would take me weeks to recover from. Catching a cold and also having had two separate infections in less than a month does not equal treating my cold with antibiotics. No doctor in their right mind prescribes antibiotics to someone--who's got a compromised immune system to begin with--when there is no reasonable medical reason to. When I have a cold I take vitamin C and drink lots of tea and that's about it. I don't even take cough syrups or pills because as informed as I am about my medical conditions I am aware that one of the most common ingredients in over the counter cough and cold medications is a cough suppressant that interferes with your lungs' natural reaction to a cold and can cause serious asthma attacks, and additionally keeps your body from healing as quickly as it might otherwise. When I have trouble with my asthma I take my prescribed asthma medication and when that doesn't work I go to the emergency room. When I have a bacterial infection like strep throat or a uti or something like an upper respiratory infection or a sinus infection I take my prescribed-by-a-doctor-antibiotics. When I'm in severe pain from endometriosis I take my prescribed-by-a-doctor-painkillers and hormone therapy and had fucking major surgery. Oh, and when I have migraines I take my prescribed migraine medication and I don't use it for earaches or tummy aches or skin rashes. Thanks. I don't need your fucking arrogant and mistaken advice. I fucking know all about being sick and what I should and shouldn't do. And when I have questions I have loads of excellent and caring doctors and better informed friends than you to ask when I need help. Fuck off with your rude comments about how I should take care of myself you ignorant twat.

Oh, and tomorrow I get to go to Disneyland with super hot porn stars and strippers and good friends.

*Um, o...k...were you in Hustler or something lately?

-I have no idea. People keep writing to me and asking me about magazines I've supposedly been in, but no one tells me when these things happen and I never get to see what these people are writing to me about. If any of you know anything about these mysterious appearances of mine in whatever magazines please scan a page or something for me and email it to me so I can see too.

*Yeah, they should do that.

-Indeed. Ugh, so so irritated by that stupid comment about me supposedly using medications improperly...

*Um, so, like, what did you do today?

-I slept in till 3pm then woke up and showered and shaved my head and then I got dressed and talked to my friend Nadia Nitro on the phone for awhile and then I went and put my contacts in and put some make-up on and then Zak and I went to Secret Headquarters and shopped for comic books and then we had dinner at the Brite Spot and then we came home and read comics and are watching Star Trek TNG as we both write stuff using the internet. At some point I plan to have some hot sex. Probably will do that at few times before I go to bed, at least once in the ass. Then more comics or Star Trek then sleep.

*What comic books did you buy?

-We got a Batman and Robin book by Frank Miller with art by Jim Lee, and some Wolverine VS the Hulk comics, and a few Iron Fist and DC Universe The Stories of Alan Moore and a Justice League of America VS the Injustice League of America comic, and an X-Men comic about Nightcrawler and a bunch of Seven Soldiers of Victory comics.

*I heard that everybody hated that Batman and Robin comic--what'd you think?

-I liked it. The art was pretty good and when you have Zak doing all the voices even cheesy dialog is entertaining. Though I don't get why Jimmy Olsen was in it. Jimmy Olsen sucks.

*Gosh gee golly gee willikers Miss Mandy, what's wrong with Jimmy Olsen?

-Yeah....exactly. I don't like virgins in comic books. I did enjoy Batman and Black Canary making out. That was fun to see.

*I would worry that I was fucking Black Canary she might get all excited and sonically scream at me and then I'd be disintegrated...

-Sounds like a good way to go as any.

*Are you going to have anal sex before, during, or after reading all the comics you bought?

-Not during. Before and after would be ideal.

*What's this week's video?

-Can't you see? It's me and Coco Velvett. Not having anal sex. But it was still fun.

*Does it say "Kasimir S. Pulaski Day" on the calendar behind Coco?

-I can't read half the stuff on my calendar because it's also Zak's calendar and I can't read Zak's writing. So, it very well could say that but I can't tell.

*So you have no particular attachment to the Father of The American Cavalry?

-I don't have a particular attachment to any kind of American father. My dad's Canadian.

*It says here that Kasimir (or Kazimierz) Pulaski died after being hit in the groin by a blast of grapeshot. That sounds unpleasant.

-It really does.

*Would you rather die defending the cause of liberty or fucking Black Canary?

-Fucking Black Canary. For sure.

*If someone sent you a Black Canary costume, would you put on that wig you wore when you fucked Alektra Blue and do a scene in it?

-Ha ha ha. OF COURSE! Think DC would be upset?

*I feel like it's hard to defend the copyright on "blonde chick with a black leotard and black fishnets".

-Good point.

*In retaliation, they may make a new supervillainess with pink hair and a leopard-skin belt who corrupts Gotham City by making porn free and then have Black Canary beat her up.

-I'm sure, like, positive that Gotham City already has lots of free porn. Just like I'm positive that I'm not the only one running a free porn site in our universe.

*Did you know you have the same birthday as Nabokov and Shakespeare?

-Yes. And the queen of England too I think. And Shirley Temple.

*Did you ever go to some bar and be all "Hey it's my birthday, free shots!" and see like Nabokov there getting free shots, too?

-No. I haven't done shots in years and years and when I did I didn't need my birthday as an excuse to get free ones. So, no, I've never gotten free shots at a bar with Vladmir Nabokov, although now that I think about it, that'd be pretty cool. Oh, and I am still angry about that dumb comment. (Just in case you were wondering.)

*Well your astrological twin Vladimir Nabokov would handle it by writing a long and witheringly eloquent demolition of his detractor's position and then publishing it in a learned journal. Shirley Temple would probably just say "I'm not gonna worry about that one bit!" and then do a cute dance in funny stockings.

-My reaction was probably somewhere in between. Except instead of a learned journal I have a silly blog (and my writing isn't exactly eloquent) and instead of a cute dance in funny stocking I'll fuck my boyfriend and then have multiple orgasms in my funny stockings.

*I believe that's how the Queen of England handles this sort of situation.

-Heh. Excellent. Now I know why my mum's parents have photos of her all over their house....

*I'm sure that's the reason.

-What else could explain that phenomenon? It all makes so much sense now.

*I wonder how Shakespeare handled his fan mail, like "Dearest Williemme, 'Thee Merrye Wives Of Windsor' was a Very poore effort Indeed and I daresay I found thee handling of the charactre of Mistress Quicklee to be particularly Crude & Altogether Lacklustre!"...

-"A plague on both your houses!"

*Most people who write nasty fan mail don't have two houses. Or one house. They generally live in their parents' basements, is what I am given to understand.

-They should all read more comics, when I was eleven years old I was reading a Super Girl comic (one where Buzz and Gorilla Grodd transform everyone into savage cave-men like crazy creatures) and someone in it says "Never assume it always makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me." http://www.dcuguide.com/Sg/Sg4_003.php

*Um, I hate to tell you this, but I do not think Gorilla Grodd was the first one to say that.

-Ha ha, I know. But it was the first time I saw it. And coming from a giant talking evil gorilla it obviously left an impression. But they did put Super Girl in leather pants some point shortly after that and that was also a good move on Gorilla Grodd's part.

*I have no idea what you're talking about at this point but I'm just going to let it go because you're hot and it's your birthday.

-You'd know what I was talking about if you had read those comics.

*Actually, I have a really bad memory--like, all I can remember from this whole conversation is you saying something about "anal sex" and "leather pants".

-Well then I guess it's time to stop writing and do something else, hmm?

Monster Generators, Pornographic Suicide and Quiz Kid Dana

2009-04-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

-So how're you doing today, Mandy Morbid?

I'm very sick. I caught Zak's horrible cold. Otherwise, as far as I can tell things are good.

-So I notice your site has been having some identity issues lately...

Yeah, it's not my fault.

-I don't care whose fault it is, what I want to know is, is there still new porn on this site every saturday or what?

There's supposed to be but it doesn't always work. There's new porn this week, but there wasn't last week, but there was the week before. I think I've figured out how to keep it working now though. Every week. (Fingers crossed.)

-What kind of operation are you running over there, Missy?

A very very DIY one. Deal with it. I've had a real rough couple of months up until March and now I'm ill again...

-Like ill like normal "get well soon, Mandy" ill or like some epic obstacle-to-me-getting-to-see-you-with-jizz-on-you ill?

It's always epic with me. It can take me weeks to heal from the common cold if my asthma kicks in, which it almost always does, AND it's allergy season. In the past 3 weeks I've been on two rounds of antibiotics...And this is all actually an improvement, since now the endometriosis is less painful since my surgery in January and my asthma is getting better from going to the gym regularly with Kimberly.

-Do you guys go to a magical porno gym where everybody s sweaty and naked and it's like in a Madonna video?

We wish! (And oh, I have enough new stuff edited to keep the site uploading while I take my week or two to recover from this current plague-cold-round-of-infections. So don't worry too much about not having new Mandy porn.)

-So the upshot is: "Yes, new porn every Saturday"?

That is my goal. Oh, hey, check this out! http://fleshbot.com/5210338/kane-does-morbid
Kimberly Kane shot me for her Super 8 film "My Pornographic Suicide", photo by Agata Alexander.

-Fine, I did. Now you check this out:
http://lovesetfire.com/ang_generator.html
It's a random DC comics porn movie generator. I got: Starfire and/or any other member of the Teen Titans have sex due to impending death. Then I got:Conor Hawke and Dinah Lance are both in love with the same person...

I got Raven and Bruce Wayne under the influence of sex pollen and then I got Lex Luthor and Poison Ivy are assumed to be sleeping together (but aren't yet.)

-Do you use a random generator to make your movies? "An alt-porn girl with pink hair has sex with a girl with a big butt and red-striped socks in a grey bed with blue sheets and the camera is wobbly."?

Pretty much. Unless someone asks for something specific they'd like to see or KK is around. (And yes, yes I know you all what to see more tentacle sex, I'm working on it.)

-I want to see...
"An 8-legged tentacle monster with a purplish-yellow beak and four toes fuck Mandy and Kimberly and Satine Phoenix with a candlestick in the drawing room"

Ok. But why with a candlestick when there is tentacles? You know what's really irritating when you have a cold? Nose piercings. So so annoying....

Wanna know what I did last week?

-Yes, but first I want to use this Ronnie James Dio advice generator at teiresias.net, it says: "Mandy, In the palace of the virgin, lies the chalice of the soul, and it's likely you might find the answer there." Ok, I'm going to go look in that palace, meanwhile tell everybody what you did last week...

Actually I don't know if this was last week or the week before...but on some Tuesday recently I modeled for Sawa Suicide when she shot some photos for the band Goatwhore. She tied me to a pillar and covered me in fake blood. Then, she, Zak and I all went to see Brutal Truth play at the Knitting Factory. I got an awesome shirt with a Minotaur on it. Then Thursday Zak, Kimberly, Agata, Steve Diet Goedde and I went to the art walk downtown and saw some art and April Flores was modeling in some gallery, then we ran into Dana DeArmond and went so some bar and then I got tired and went home. On Saturday Kimberly shot me for her Super 8 film and then I watched Justice League Unlimited cartoons all day. Oh and I've been doing a bunch of dumb quizzes on facebook, like did you know if I were to be a Marvel superhero or bad guy I'd be Thanos? Oh, and going to the gym.

-A: Do you think Dana DeArmond is the Quiz Kid Donnie Smith of porn, now that she has braces?, and B: You'd be Thanos? Seriously?

A: Yes. Mainly just cause it's fun to say "Quiz Kid Dana"
B: Seriously according to that quiz. Also, in the X-Men I'd be Psylocke, the "Which Crazy Bitch Are You?" quiz thinks I'm Mallory Knox from Natural Born Killers, and the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter quiz put me in Ravenclaw (which is exactly where I'd want to be), and my "True Age" is 16. Also I'm "great in bed." Oh, and I'll die by being stabbed.

-Psylocke, Thanos, and Mallory Knox, huh? Did the quizzes go like: "Your favorite color is: 'I hate everyone.' My favorite subject in school is: 'I despise the human race.'...

Kinda, yeah.

-Well, I used this giant japanese monster generator at Seventh Sanctum.com and got: "The gigantic slimy gorilla. It used to live on the moon. It is a friend to all children." So...

Well that's great! Living on the moon sounds like fun and being a friend to all children is very admirable. Lets see what I get...Ahhha! "The gigantic ant that vomits acid on enemies. It was created by a lost civilization. It protects its mysterious life source."

-As Foucault would say, all systems of rules are merely a camouflage for systems of ideology. It would appear that, according to this monster-generator, it is impossible to generate a monster that is both a friend to all children and that ALSO protects its mysterious life source...

Perhaps...On that note, I'm going to try to rest now. Enjoy this week's POV.

Metal And Hot Girls VS The Presidents

2009-03-29T02:12:00.000-07:00

-So, what have you been up to lately, Mandy?

Ummm...I've made some porn, I shot my first gun--went with Zak Sabbath, Kimberly Kane and a good friend from SuicideGirls.com--which was very frightening at first, and just slightly less frightning after doing it a few times, and I went to see some art today with Satine Phoenix, Zak and Darenzia. And last night Zak and I went to see Wolves in the Throne Room--who were AMAZING--and then spent the rest of the evening with KK and company at Tiny's in Hollywood. Also I've been watching PBS' American Experience documentaries about all the presidents, starting with Bush 1 and going backwards. Gotten to Lyndon Johnson so far. That's what I've been up to.

-Who do you like better: Jimmy Carter or Wolves In the Throne Room?

Wolves in the Throne Room.

-Darenzia or the Strategic Defense Initiative?

Ha ha. Darenzia of course!

-Kimberly Kane shooting a gun at a paper target or John Hinckley shooting a gun at Ronald Reagan?

I think I prefer metal and hot girls to almost anything having to do with former presidents at the moment.

-Well that ends that line of questioning...um, ok, let's check the mailbag...Um, Fergus from Low Plains, South Dakota asks: "If you were an ancient hag nesting at the bottom of the sea and someone tried to steal your rime-encrusted gold doubloons, what curse would you lay upon them?"

Oh now that's a tough one. So many curses to choose from...I'm not sure this is a prudent line of thought for me to get into...

-Miles from Dayton wants to know: "Do you really like cum on you, or do you just pretend to like cum in your movies? And, if you say you do, how do we know you're not lying?"

Gah, there is nothing a porn girl can say that would make any of you people who ask these kinds of questions believe or not believe they actually enjoy something in real life. You either choose to believe us or you don't...or maybe, I can say this: "If I didn't really enjoy it, why would I be making videos for free with me getting cum all over me and putting it up online for free, if I didn't actually get something out of it?" Is that effective at all?

-Chuckles from Whitereach, North Carolina asks: "Who was your favorite general in the Civil War, and would you cosider doing a scene with him?"

Oh, both Lee and Grant were equally interesting. But I don't think I'd do a scene with either one judging from their photos, nor can I decide which of the two I would prefer when it comes to physical attractiveness.

-So no love for the minor generals?

They were all fucking nuts. Especially that one guy....Forrest? Is that his name? Not as attractive as Lee or Grant either those minor generals.

-What about General Burnside? Here's a picture...

Ummm, well he's got awesome sideburns. But he's got nothing on Benny Profane. And I bet he doesn't have Benny's nifty genital piercing either.

-Ok, let's do some music reviews, here's Isis "Holy Tears"..what say you?

I like it, I've yet to hear any Isis I don't like. But I like that one album best...can't remember what it's called. Or maybe there's two of 'em I like best, but I am horrible at remembering the titles of songs and albums I like. Panopticon? Is that what it's called?

-Yeah, I'd say...ok, what about this...it's Burning Witch "Still Born"

I like this one too.

-What about this one: Leftover Crack "Ya Can't Go Home"?

It's good. Ok enough with the music quiz. It's time for the Tomorrow Show at the Steve Allen Theatre.

MANDY IS BACK!

2009-03-17T18:07:00.001-07:00

-So, Mandy, WTF is up with your site? Are you quitting? Should I forget about jerking off to you every week all together?

Please don't forget about jerking off to me--the site was not uploading new vids because I was very sick for a long time but I am better now and making new videos to put up each week again. Yes new content each week again! The site was also down for a bit because I couldn't upoad the new video, hence the new layout and the archives being gone at the moment. It may not be the prettiest website but the video loads and that's all that matters.

-I only ever noticed the video anyway...Oh, shit, you're right, there's fucking graphic design around your boobs...how long has that been there?

Like 3 years! You don't pay attention to me at all. Sigh.

-It's true, giant pair of boobs, I don't pay nearly enough attention to you--HOLY FUCK--did you know you have a head floating over you? And it has a fucking mohawk? Freaky.

That is freaky. I like the word "freaky" for some reason.

-Freaky is my middle name. And my first name. Oh--and it's my last name, so if you marry me it'll be your last name too so you should marry me.

I'm not so sure I'm the marrying type. Besides I have a wife she lives in Berlin and she's fucking hot. We dressed up and got drunk and went to DisneyLand. Got "married" on It's A Small World. People clapped and I got to sign autographs for little girls. If you want to see I could post some pics in the next blog, but I won't do it if you don't care. So you all have to write me and let me know if you want to see 'em.

-How did you convince a European to go to Disneyworld? Isn't it against their religion or something?

She didn't know she was going. We had her blindfolded.

-So, wait, you took this girl, blindfolded her, threw her in a car, got her all the way into Disneyland and onto "It's A Small World" and then took the blinfold off and married her with all those insane animatronic children climbing alps and shit all around her and singing the same thing over and over? Weren't you worried her head would explode?

That's pretty much it except replace car with limo and then you've got it. I think her head did explode a little but she had enough whisky in her to keep it from getting messy. We looked fabulous and it was one of the most amazing nights of my life. You all should have been there. Only I'm real mean to boys when I'm drunk.

-What else have you been up to?

Well, I've got Pixie Pearl staying with me, and I've been making friends with Coco Velvette--better friends I mean. I'm learning Hungarian and html and ftp (the Hungarian is the most difficult so far.) I went to a Burning Angel party last week and got to know Joanna Angel a bit. Ummm....I'm waiting for Kimberly Kane to get better (she has a cold) so we can shoot and go to the gym...is that enough?

-I saw pictures from Sasha Grey's birthday party--you weren't there. Does she hate you?

No, I don't think so. We just couldn't make it because I was a bit sick and all the cigarette smoke in Vegas makes me very very sick and I wanted to be able to make some more porn this week. I'm shooting with Coco tomorrow, then I've got a photoshoot on Thursday, then I'm shooting a scene with Pixie on Friday. I didn't want to have to cancel all that, so I missed a good party.

-How was that Burning Angel party? Was there crazy orgies?

No orgies.

-Did Pixie Pearl accidentally put her purse in a pool of vomit which then forced her to rig together a makeshift handbag out of plastic grocery bags?

Yes, and it was a really impressive handbag too! Pixie also decided to disappear and make everyone worry and stand in the cold for an hour looking for her, and calling a certain rock star's phone number so we could find out if she had gone to the rock star's house without telling anyone.

-Did she do him?

That is a mystery. She said she didn't but she also said she drank a bunch of absinthe and can't remember everything. I know she did show him her awesome boobs. He said he liked them.

-What were you doing while he was looking at her boobs?

Repeating that scene from Hospital with Coco and Zak, only better.

-Did Zak wear those retarded--excuse me, developmentally disabled--sunglasses?

No, I said it was better, there was no sunglasses. There was a lot more giggling and squeaking.

-Did the rock star at least drive her home?

Who expects a rock star to drive them anywhere?! No he didn't, as was totally expected. He has someone to do that for him.

-So this rock star's amanuensis drove Pixie back to your house? What kind of car did he drive?

I don't know what kind of car the assistant had--he took her to a hotel for the night. We, Coco, Zak and I, went to pick her up the next day after we had lunch/breakfast.

-What hotel? Why? Was this rock star's famous model/actress/girlfriend notdown with a Pixie Pearl threesome?

It was a Best Western. And I don't know why. As far as I know there isn't currently a famous model/actress/girlfriend for this particular rock star. Maybe he had work to do in the morning and didn't want a Pixie Pearl in his way.

-Have you ever fucked Pixie Pearl?

Of course! I've fucked Pixie a whole bunch of times.

-Does she remember it?

Yes.

-So it's safe to say not only do you have more fun than rock stars, but you're more fun to fuck, too?

Hmm...apparently. But I have great tits and the rock star doesn't.

Mandy Morbid is onTwitter!

2009-02-18T20:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, so Kimberly Kane got me on Twitter. Now if you want to see what I'm up to you can follow me.

In other news I am blond and have extensions in my mohawk now. I love it but may go green soon. Who wants to see Mandy Morbid with green hair?

I am also co-hosting a top ten type video podcast about all sorts of geeky things like Star Wars, Star Trek, sci-fi, comic books, etc. When it's ready I'll post links to the vid so you all can see! We've only shot the first one so far.

Photos!

2009-02-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

And...

When is the next video going up?

-In the next 3 weeks.

What's the matter?

-I have endometriosis and I needed surgery and now I am recovering from surgery and also I am adjusting to new medication.

Does the medication affect how many hot sluts you know?

-No.

So the lack of new videos lately is due entirely to your illness and not to the parlous state of our economy?

-That is, indeed, the truth.

Let us talk of more pleasant things, I heard your movie was up for an AVN award this year...

-Yeah, Hospital was up for "Best DVD Menu" and it didn't win. Is that more pleasant?

Was there anyone shorter than you at AVN?

-I think Joanna Angel is shorter than I am. By just a little. And there was Nick, Justine Joli's little person body guard/friend (is that the correct term, litle person?)

How tall was he?

-Less than four feet, but I'm not really sure. I didn't measure him.

The fat comedian lady who hosted the awards made fun of him.

-Well she wasn't very funny anyway.

She was very fat, though.

-Yes.

And not in a hot way, like April Flores.

-No, not in a hot way, though judging by her jokes, she thinks she is.

Your pal Kimberly Kane won one, and Sasha...

-So I heard, I didn't see them win though I got bored and went to eat bad Vegas Thai food. But I'm glad people I like won stuff.

Did you notice the part where they were announcing the guest hosts but the video monitor over the stage wasn't synched up with the sound so that, like, there'd be a picture of some buff dude in sunglasses and they'd announce 'starring Tera Patrick' or there'd be a photo of Jesse Jane while the voice went "Larry Flynt!"

-Yes and THAT was funny.

How many orgies did you go to?

-None this year--I went to a crazy sex party that was supposed to turn into an orgy and didn't and so it was stupid and I left early.

Man, I hear you! I hate it when parties keep not turning into orgies!

-I know, parties almost always suck unless they turn into orgies. I was way better at making parties fun that one year after high school....Oh well.

You know about the parties-not-turning-into-orgies problems I've been having...

-You've got some serious-ass-parties-not-turning-into-orgies problems!

That's why we have these Precious Roy Party-Into-Orgy kits for only $19.99!

-Oooo what's in the kit?

Just spray this patented Precious Roy formula on a party and everyone who is ugly or who is too boring to want to fuck lots of people falls down, chokes on their own vomit, and flings their own corpse out the window!

-Sounds great so long as they clean up the vomit first.

Precious! What do you have to say about this kit?

-BUY MY ZEBRA LUNCH BOX! SUCKERS!

News

2009-02-01T21:00:00.000-08:00

When is the next video going up?

-In the next 3 weeks.

What's the matter?

-I have endometriosis and I needed surgery and now I am recovering from surgery and also I am adjusting to new medication.

Does the medication affect how many hot sluts you know?

-No.

So the lack of new videos lately is due entirely to your illness and not to the parlous state of our economy?

-That is, indeed, the truth.

Let us talk of more pleasant things, I heard your movie was up for an AVN award this year...

-Yeah, Hospital was up for "Best DVD Menu" and it didn't win. Is that more pleasant?

Was there anyone shorter than you at AVN?

-I think Joanna Angel is shorter than I am. By just a little. And there was Nick, Justine Joli's little person body guard/friend (is that the correct term, litle person?)

How tall was he?

-Less than four feet, but I'm not really sure. I didn't measure him.

The fat comedian lady who hosted the awards made fun of him.

-Well she wasn't very funny anyway.

She was very fat, though.

-Yes.

And not in a hot way, like April Flores.

-No, not in a hot way, though judging by her jokes, she thinks she is.

Your pal Kimberly Kane won one, and Sasha...

-So I heard, I didn't see them win though I got bored and went to eat bad Vegas Thai food. But I'm glad people I like won stuff.

Did you notice the part where they were announcing the guest hosts but the video monitor over the stage wasn't synched up with the sound so that, like, there'd be a picture of some buff dude in sunglasses and they'd announce 'starring Tera Patrick' or there'd be a photo of Jesse Jane while the voice went "Larry Flynt!"

-Yes and THAT was funny.

How many orgies did you go to?

-None this year--I went to a crazy sex party that was supposed to turn into an orgy and didn't and so it was stupid and I left early.

Man, I hear you! I hate it when parties keep not turning into orgies!

-I know, parties almost always suck unless they turn into orgies. I was way better at making parties fun that one year after high school....Oh well.

You know about the parties-not-turning-into-orgies problems I've been having...

-You've got some serious-ass-parties-not-turning-into-orgies problems!

That's why we have these Precious Roy Party-Into-Orgy kits for only $19.99!

-Oooo what's in the kit?

Just spray this patented Precious Roy formula on a party and everyone who is ugly or who is too boring to want to fuck lots of people falls down, chokes on their own vomit, and flings their own corpse out the window!

-Sounds great so long as they clean up the vomit first.

Precious! What do you have to say about this kit?

-BUY MY ZEBRA LUNCH BOX! SUCKERS!